No Control (532 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (View user info) at 2005-06-07 12:56:24 EDT
The little bar was exactly the same on the inside as it appeared on the outside. Clean, neat, busy but friendly. The bar itself was a polished cherry oak, the man standing behind it obviously proud to have built up his establishment to this point.
Jack hardly noticed any of it.
All he could manage as he entered Mickey's was to pull himself over to the one empty barstool in the place. His appearance contrasted sharply with the atmosphere, his hair disheveled, the cuffs of his pants wet from puddles he hadn't bothered to miss outside. To any onlookers, all of his actions seemed to take a great amount of effort, as one who is worn down in more than one sort of -ally (physically, mentally, emotionally.) There weren't really any onlookers to notice much about Jack's actions or appearance, though, as the crowded bar was noisy, the regulars busy in their conversations, non-regulars mostly trying to pick up a girl or be noisily tipsy.
Jack reached over from his position and tapped the bar. The older, chubby bartender was across from him almost instantly, rubbing the surface of the bar with his dishrag and smiling jovially at his new patron.
"What'll it be, son?"
Son, thought Jack. Exactly what the bastards had called him this morning when he'd walked into what would be, unbeknownst to him, his last day of work.
"A Jack and Coke."
He ordered his poison of choice, wishing for a moment that it might really choke him.
As soon as he was out of college, companies had swarmed to hire Jack Laggerty. Magna Cum Laude, captain of his college baseball team, friendly and outgoing, he would have succeeded in any occupation of his choice. When he'd turned down the larger architectural firms to work for a charitable organization that built homes for underprivileged families, it hadn't really surprised anyone, as Jack had always been a bit of a softie, generous to all of his friends and anyone who came to him. And he loved his job. It was heaven to him, to be able to work so closely with people, find ways to build exactly what they needed.
Melissa had framed him at work, he knew. Without evidence against her accusations of his advances, though, there was no way he could prove his case. The little firm couldn't afford anything as fancy as security cameras. It had, of course, been quite the opposite - she had made countless propositions to him, but Jack had just never been attracted to the girl, and never wanted to lead her on.
Now he sat, sipping his drink and watching those around him. A Nationals game on T.V. brought back better memories of his college days. He sat, happy to reminisce and attempt to get the day's events out of his clouded mind.
When he reached the bottom of his glass, Jack pulled out his wallet. He knew that being unemployed meant he didn't really have money to blow on the bottle. He was just counting out a few bills when a raucous group of large men, smelling of stale alcohol, entered the bar. He paid them little attention until they were standing directly behind him.
Their apparent leader pushed himself forward before verbally accosting Jack.
"What do you think you're doing in my seat, Chump?"
The bar got a little quieter as people overheard the tone in his voice.
"Now Hank, calm down. You weren't here, anyways," the bartender began, trying to avoid anything nasty.
"I was just about to leave, anyways." Even now, Jack was trying to avoid fights. He reached back and left his money on the counter with a nod to his server. But when he turned back, Hank was still there, standing about six and a half feet tall, broad shouldered with a smirk on his face.
"You don't think for a minute you can just get away with taking a man's seat, do you?!" The man was obviosuly drunk, trying to push Jack's limits.
Jack ignored him once more, trying to move to the side, when Hank shot out an arm to stop him.
A few moments later, the bar was silent in shock as Jack stood over his aggressor, a one-hit wonder.
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING WITH A COWBOY.
User Reviews
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-09 11:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Davros - thanks. Rounding up is always appreciated.
Xcuses - that s always what I have problems with, endings, so I usually end up turning them into something a little strange. It's how I roll. Thanks for your feedback. If you have a suggestion on the ending, or would like to write one yourself, feel free.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"cowboy dan's a major player in the cowboy game..."
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-07 14:37:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
The ending kind of lowered it to a +1.5, but have the benefit of the doubt.
-Dave
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-07 13:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Strong beginning....weak ending
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-06-07 13:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
strange, but entertaining