The Death of Eroticism (NSFW!) (1648 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.25 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dodahdave (View user info) at 2005-06-07 15:52:22 EDT
This is partially in delayed response to Tuesdaydelay's shitty post about Aria Giovanni (I'm not going to link to it here, it sucked, search for it if you want), as well as to this story (http://fredericksburg.com/News/FLS/2005/062005/06072005/105324) about a Culpeper, Virginia middle school student who fondled himself and then wiped a "wet, white substance" across a girl's face. For those of you who spend your working days online, you'll pick up on the fact that I got this off Fark. There was a comment form one person about how things were better in his day when "boys just stole a Playboy magazine and got off simply by looking at naked women."
My point is not to rail against the general devolution in 'society' regarding sexuality. I don't really believe that's happening. I know many will disagree, and that's cool. North Americans are coming from a time when sexual more were essentially Victorian. The open sexuality of the late 60s and 70s were a backlash against that, and I don't think we know where it's going. I will certainly agree that little girls should not be walking around wearing "Spoiled, Dirty Whore" T-shirts, however (http://www.ubersite.com/m/67873).
No, I'm more interested in whether the pervading climate of sexy-ness (not sexuality, mind you, there's a big difference) has affected me in my relationships.
I look at porn online. Who doesn't? It's free, readily available, feels good and 95% of it is directed at good ole' heterosexual male me. I've got favorite sites and would guess that I'm ogling for roughly 30 minutes every other day.
At the same time, I'm married. No problem, it's not like I direct my energies toward Sylvia Saint instead of my wife. What worries me is the possibility that I'm being directly influenced by what I'm seeing, and projecting it onto my wife.
I tend to steer clear of hardcore sites. I generally prefer to drool over naked women striking pretty poses. This isn't the trend, though, and I can't escape looking at some hardcore from time to time. I've definitely noticed that there are more (and more disturbing!) hardcore sites out there as time goes by. I've also noticed that I'm less patient with a humdrum, workaday sex life than I used to be.
Some of that is going to be explained by the fact that I've been with my wife for a number of years, and the novelty of sex just isn't what it was when I was seventeen. I worry, though, that it's also to do with being de-sensitized to erotic intimacy by the saturation of graphic images at my fingertips.
I like my wife to wax; she would prefer not to because it's a pain in the ass. I like lingerie; she's not nuts about it (and asks "what's the point? It's only coming off?"). She awesome, and does lots and lots of things for me that most other humans wouldn't, so I have no complaints. But do I have the right to ask?
Being a caring partner, she tries to keep me happy and interested, and I do the same for her. But where's the line? What if I decide I'm really into threesomes based on (oh, I don't know) some advice I read somewhere http://www.ubersite.com/m/67933. What if my wife is against the idea? No matter what happens, then, I've introduced tension and possibly unhappiness by allowing myself to believe I want this.
Things are great, and this is not based on any recent events in my life. I just worry.
Oh, and Tuesday and all the rest who were hatin' on Aria (my virtual girlfriend), there's no need for penetration when my imagination works just fine!
User Reviews
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm all for open sexuality and whatnot, but I'm worried about the children...
"Oh won't somebody PLEASE think about the children."
Sex is being mentioned every time I blink twice nowadays on tele, and not only late at night.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please note this conversation has been relocated:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67982
NOT NSFW. Boobies removed. Thank you.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gotta say, I agree with Teeph. The weekends where my boyfriend lays off the porn and puts that interest and energy into me are the best weekends we have.
This would be a +2 if it weren't for the tramp tramping across the bottom of the post.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I just made the "p" instead of an "o" typo on accident for once. Weird.
That should be "ask yourself what Other areas" or something like that.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty -
I'm not advocating sexual repression. Nowhere did I say "shut down teh pron sites" or "REAL MEN DON'T USE PORN." All I'm saying is that MODERATION, or TEMPERANCE may be the key.
Aristotle seemed to think so.
Anyway, my point was that within the context of a RELATIONSHIP - where sex between to emotionally involved people is a given - perhaps porn has a negative influence (if abused, or if it becomes more than a "fun" activity in which BOTH parties are engaged). I've been a young single man. I understand the need for a sexual outlet. But, if you're going to advocate going whole hog in the other direction, ask yourself what pther area such "liberation" might be a good idea.
Drugs?
Food?
ANYTHING?
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty - thanks for the encouragement. I'm not advocating repression. Just asking questions.
Teeph - good point. I didn't really intend for this to end up as serious as it did. I was more interested in rebutting tuesday's shitty post about my virtual girlfriend. I can see how it would be jarring, though. Perhaps I will re-post, though I'm generally against re-posting
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tink tink tink
I think you hit the nail here.
I had these same thoughts a few months ago. I mean the things that you can oggle are unlimited. I like you stay away from the hardcore stuff and stick to photos of women alone.
I tested myself and continue to test myself by strokin it to thoughts of my wife and I. Still gets me off and nothing I see on the interweb is as sexy as that.
On the other hand I have a pretty serious ass/thong/panty fetish, but my wife perpetuates it as she is a thong or commando girl at all times.
Awe shit now I need some alone time.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who needs pr0n sites if I can just use übersearch on NSFW?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Italian women kick ass.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(looking at pictures)
uh, I'm sorry, were you saying something???
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both of you are advocating sexual repression, not invigoration.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:04:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dave -
It makes me sad that you chose to make this post NSFW. If I hadn't taken a "mental health/mow the freaking lawn before trash-day" day, I never would have seen it, which would be a shame, because this post touches on something that I've been meaning to write for a while, namely the desesitization of men (and women?) due to MASSIVE porn consumption. I would suggest you re-submit without the boobies-n-bush for the real discussion that this post deserves.
Anyway, a long time ago, I used to spend time looking at porn sites, and I still do, very occasionally, but I've found, in MY life that the absence of porn really DOES make my relationship with my wife better. I'm not saying that everyone should feel or think that way . . . I'm just saying that it seems that where SEX is involved it is reeally easy for the line between fantasy and reality to become blurred. And when the fantasy starts to place little tiny expectations on the reality, things get fucked, feelings get hurt, relationships get trashed, and people move on. Or something.
Anyway, this post would be better off without the bush-n-boobs. If you really want to hash it out, that is.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 15:58:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't be afraid of sex or porn. What you have with your wife is an emotional thing. What you have with pornographic imagery is not, well not in the same way anyway.
Sex is not a bad thing. Quite frankly I think it's great that young girls, and this boys, are so open about sexuality even before they really understand it. It breeds familiarity and confidence in both sexes.