Sam's Story PT-1 (835 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Truth
Rating: 1.71 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2005-06-07 16:04:45 EDT
This is a true story.
SAM'S STORY
He emigrated from Romania with nothing but a black heart and wicked intentions. He fled poverty and the aftermath of Hitler's war. He left the evil that men do behind to fester in his abandoned home; blissfully unaware that it had hitched a ride in his soul.
He moved from the Motherland to the New World, then again to the heart of it and found himself a bride in Big Sky country. He took her and purchased a piece of dirt, deep in the flat golden prairie, then set about building a life and a family.
I don't know if they were happy at first. I have no idea if they ever really knew love together. I don't know and I don't care because in the end it doesn't matter.
Brutality cancels happiness and rape erases love.
She pledged her vow, for better or worse and helped him bring five children into the world, then watched as he fathered them into the cold light of the prairie and showed them that he had more than enough rape and brutality for them all.
Of all his sons, Michael bore the worst of his wrath. I don't know what it was about the boy that encouraged the back of his father's hand, but I know that when the hand wasn't enough, the old man used a hammer. He beat his will into the boy until he broke his skull and there was no sense left in his head; no future beyond the insanity that would plague him to the end of his days.
The boys were for beating but the girls were for something else; something reserved for the end of the day, when the dry air turned cold and the light went out of the world and a weary voice could be stifled with a thin pillow.
Life on the prairies was tough in those days. The war had taken its toll and sickness traveled from hovel to farm, ending the lives of men who had already been working themselves to death. It filled the heartland with misery and death and an abundance of widows for him to fuck in between moonshine deliveries.
He pulled his children from school to work the farm and free him to deliver the potato shine that he fed into his system to fuel the fire within.
When his daughter became pregnant with his child, he blamed it on a local boy and sent her away to a nunnery.
When the law caught wind of his moonshine operation, he convinced his wife to take the blame, then carried on with his drunken adultery while she gave birth to his child in prison.
The sister's took care of their brothers as the years passed and life went on, and the beatings continued, while innocence was murdered for the sake of unquestioning obedience, and an old man's lust.
And the children endured.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-09-10 05:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2005-07-05 00:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-23 12:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Damage Control
Submitted by ProgramGeek (user info) at 2005-06-22 17:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2005-06-09 12:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On to #2
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-06-08 23:19:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A well written first part. It must be painful to recount such a story about your family's history. Or is it a release of sorts?
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-06-08 08:41:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-06-08 04:35:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For the love of god man, please don't make this all happy and 'triumph over adversity' at the end. Let's have something black and mean and fucking galling.
Please?
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-07 22:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well shit, that was pretty fucking chilling!
Personally, I think that was a good introduction to a larger story. It seemed pretty clear to me that this was more of a setup piece than anything else. I wouldn't criticise you for shallow characterization because it's obvious you weren't trying to get deep into the character's heads.
I'm going to be very creeped out if your father and your grandfather are the same person. If so, apparently inbreeding creates fantastic writers.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Brother, You have no idea how much I agree with you.
That's basically going to be the point of the story when it's all said and done.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
And all of us sit quivering, hoping to god that they're wrong.
I aint about lineage, man, I like my roots shallow. They don't hurt as much
when you yank them up.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I pity the fool who meet you in UM (must be said in Mr. T voice)
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A few things I should clear up.
These are not characters. This is an account of people that existed and events that happened.
The old man was my grandfather.
I'm not sure how to make people I have never met, "multidimensional" without putting thoughts into their head that probably never existed.
I guess I should have made the purpose of this piece clearer from the outset.
I would apreciate any particular ideas regarding how I could improve this.
Regardless, I think this is well written and I stand by it.
And no, I'm not being defensive and bitchy, I'm calm and emotionless as I write this.
I'm just defending the story.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was fairly intriguing, but as has been pointed out, characters were rather two-dimensional. Given that it's only Part One so far, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're going to make good on your statement that you'd flesh them out later. +1 for you.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hehe, I'm wondering that myself bro.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What are you doing posting this early in the day?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:04:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:42:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Without reading the reviews, this rating seems a little low.
It is a little bleak, but it is a "Part 1" so I hold hope for development.
Keep 'em coming.
-Dave
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's a good start.. waiting for part 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty,
Good points.
This is not a work of fiction so much as a statement of fact. Character elaboration is gonna have to suffer until later.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's quite good. Not Really good though. A bit brief maybe? Needs more elaboration on the charachters.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ShitstormXP (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:08:29 (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow. That was depressing and pointless.
=============
Maybe because it's part 1 Shithead err Storm.
Submitted by ShitstormXP (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:08:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wow. That was depressing and pointless.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:07:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True or not it made my blood boil.
Rargh!