The Death of Eroticism (Re-Posted) (1011 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.78 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by dodahdave (View user info) at 2005-06-07 16:31:10 EDT
This is partially in delayed response to Tuesdaydelay's shitty post about Aria Giovanni (I'm not going to link to it here, it sucked, search for it if you want), as well as to this story (http://fredericksburg.com/News/FLS/2005/062005/06072005/105324) about a Culpeper, Virginia middle school student who fondled himself and then wiped a "wet, white substance" across a girl's face. For those of you who spend your working days online, you'll pick up on the fact that I got this off Fark. There was a comment form one person about how things were better in his day when "boys just stole a Playboy magazine and got off simply by looking at naked women."
My point is not to rail against the general devolution in 'society' regarding sexuality. I don't really believe that's happening. I know many will disagree, and that's cool. North Americans are coming from a time when sexual more were essentially Victorian. The open sexuality of the late 60s and 70s were a backlash against that, and I don't think we know where it's going. I will certainly agree that little girls should not be walking around wearing "Spoiled, Dirty Whore" T-shirts, however (http://www.ubersite.com/m/67873).
No, I'm more interested in whether the pervading climate of sexy-ness (not sexuality, mind you, there's a big difference) has affected me in my relationships.
I look at porn online. Who doesn't? It's free, readily available, feels good and 95% of it is directed at good ole' heterosexual male me. I've got favorite sites and would guess that I'm ogling for roughly 30 minutes every other day.
At the same time, I'm married. No problem, it's not like I direct my energies toward Sylvia Saint instead of my wife. What worries me is the possibility that I'm being directly influenced by what I'm seeing, and projecting it onto my wife.
I tend to steer clear of hardcore sites. I generally prefer to drool over naked women striking pretty poses. This isn't the trend, though, and I can't escape looking at some hardcore from time to time. I've definitely noticed that there are more (and more disturbing!) hardcore sites out there as time goes by. I've also noticed that I'm less patient with a humdrum, workaday sex life than I used to be.
Some of that is going to be explained by the fact that I've been with my wife for a number of years, and the novelty of sex just isn't what it was when I was seventeen. I worry, though, that it's also to do with being de-sensitized to erotic intimacy by the saturation of graphic images at my fingertips.
I like my wife to wax, she would prefer not to because it's a pain in the ass. I like lingerie; she's not nuts about it (and asks "what's the point? It's only coming off?"). She awesome, and does lots and lots of things for me that most other humans wouldn't, so I have no complaints. But do I have the right to ask?
Being a caring partner, she tries to keep me happy and interested, and I do the same for her. But where's the line? What if I decide I'm really into threesomes based on (oh, I don't know) some advice I read somewhere http://www.ubersite.com/m/67933. What if my wife is against the idea? No matter what happens, then, I've introduced tension and possibly unhappiness by allowing myself to believe I want this.
Things are great, and this is not based on any recent events in my life. I just worry.
This was originally posted with a bunch of pictures, but I re-posted after Teephphah pointed out that they detracted from the questions I was trying to ask.
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-11 19:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read a comment you made on another post about time travel back in the day. Add me to MSN, if you have it. dprime.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-08 16:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haha! Haven't heard that phrase in a while.
"Petard." Huh huh huh!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-08 16:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:44:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for returning, Berty.
I think what I'm saying is that I'm afraid that the erotic wonderland will not just encourage creativity, but influence me into believing that sexual ennui is not acceptable, when perhaps the comfort that comes with marriage/long relationships is perfectly okay.
I'm not advocating 15 minutes 3 times a week missionary-only whether we need it or not. But I am saying that often we have to realize that other goals (career, family) take priority, and that it's acceptable to let things slide sometimes. The problem comes when things slide for too long because I (and my wife) have an outlet for relief of tension, rather than investing energy into sexual intimacy with my partner.
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I dunno, we live in a culture filled with advertising but people don't ruin themselves buying worthless shit they don't really nee...
uhh...
Hoisted by my own petard methinks.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:44:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for returning, Berty.
I think what I'm saying is that I'm afraid that the erotic wonderland will not just encourage creativity, but influence me into believing that sexual ennui is not acceptable, when perhaps the comfort that comes with marriage/long relationships is perfectly okay.
I'm not advocating 15 minutes 3 times a week missionary-only whether we need it or not. But I am saying that often we have to realize that other goals (career, family) take priority, and that it's acceptable to let things slide sometimes. The problem comes when things slide for too long because I (and my wife) have an outlet for relief of tension, rather than investing energy into sexual intimacy with my partner.
Zak - thanks for the comment. I'm not sure I would call them personality flaws. I've never met you in person, so I don't know anything about your personality. I don't know about you, but I'm a different person on Uber compared to real life.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-08 04:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry for the length of time it's taken me to get back to Uber, I'm now rested, breakfasted and now it's 9:45 have now completed the morning's work.
Sex is something that should be celebrated at every turn. For all of us, love is the penultimate part of our existense. Whether that be in the love of our kids or the love of our partners. Love, however, is not a clean, pretty thing. She's dirty, raw and covered in goo. She smells of sweat and semen.
Now I'm familiar with Aristotle and his middle of the road antics. He's a man who advocated being as dull as dishwater. Although, with that said, I appreciate the need for stability in one's life. I am also acutly aware of the animalistic, violent nature of sexual passion. The beast with two backs snarling, spitting and clawing at itself.
As time goes on with a partner this disapears and is replaced with something far more pleasurable; contentment and loving sensuality. Getting used to the weight of your partner sleeping next to you, the little noises that she makes in her sleep. The only reason that I can see for wanting to go back to the hissing frenzy of wild monkey sex is boredom and a general lack of contentment. I don't think getting rid of the erotic wonderland we have today would change that. If anything it will stifle creativity for escaping the enui.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-07 23:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i felt i should review this, because i saw you write several thoughtful replies about my personality flaws while i was so unjustly banned. but i don't really have anything to say. i do know porn, yes. but i have never been in a serious adult relationship. please, contain your shock.
so all i can really say is that this was a well thought-out post, and that you are lucky to have a woman like that in your life.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thoughtful post.
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-07 19:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Cookie. That seems to be the responses I'm getting...
Hadley, I have no words of encouragement for you on that one. I'm pro Emu photoshops. I can't have you trying to go cold emu.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-07 18:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-07 17:09:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
Gotta say, I agree with Teeph. The weekends where my boyfriend lays off the porn and puts that interest and energy into me are the best weekends we have.
This would be a +2 if it weren't for the tramp tramping across the bottom of the post.
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as promised, a +2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:36:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the potential for abuse that I'm worried about. Moderation is great, but like any addiction it's difficult to spot the line as you cross it.
I've tried going cold turkey in the past, but that doesn't seem to work too well.
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Now imagine you aren't talking about porn, but rather about photoshopping emus.... *sigh*
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the potential for abuse that I'm worried about. Moderation is great, but like any addiction it's difficult to spot the line as you cross it.
I've tried going cold turkey in the past, but that doesn't seem to work too well.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A good! A pea-roast!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:29:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty -
I'm not advocating sexual repression. Nowhere did I say "shut down teh pron sites" or "REAL MEN DON'T USE PORN." All I'm saying is that MODERATION, or TEMPERANCE may be the key.
Aristotle seemed to think so.
Anyway, my point was that within the context of a RELATIONSHIP - where sex between to emotionally involved people is a given - perhaps porn has a negative influence (if abused, or if it becomes more than a "fun" activity in which BOTH parties are engaged). I've been a young single man. I understand the need for a sexual outlet. But, if you're going to advocate going whole hog in the other direction, ask yourself what pther area such "liberation" might be a good idea.
Drugs?
Food?
ANYTHING?
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:11:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Both of you are advocating sexual repression, not invigoration.
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Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:04:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dave -
It makes me sad that you chose to make this post NSFW. If I hadn't taken a "mental health/mow the freaking lawn before trash-day" day, I never would have seen it, which would be a shame, because this post touches on something that I've been meaning to write for a while, namely the desesitization of men (and women?) due to MASSIVE porn consumption. I would suggest you re-submit without the boobies-n-bush for the real discussion that this post deserves.
Anyway, a long time ago, I used to spend time looking at porn sites, and I still do, very occasionally, but I've found, in MY life that the absence of porn really DOES make my relationship with my wife better. I'm not saying that everyone should feel or think that way . . . I'm just saying that it seems that where SEX is involved it is reeally easy for the line between fantasy and reality to become blurred. And when the fantasy starts to place little tiny expectations on the reality, things get fucked, feelings get hurt, relationships get trashed, and people move on. Or something.
Anyway, this post would be better off without the bush-n-boobs. If you really want to hash it out, that is.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-07 16:32:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tink tink tink
I think you hit the nail here.
I had these same thoughts a few months ago. I mean the things that you can oggle are unlimited. I like you stay away from the hardcore stuff and stick to photos of women alone.
I tested myself and continue to test myself by strokin it to thoughts of my wife and I. Still gets me off and nothing I see on the interweb is as sexy as that.
On the other hand I have a pretty serious ass/thong/panty fetish, but my wife perpetuates it as she is a thong or commando girl at all times.
Awe shit now I need some alone time.