Completely Useless Household Appliances (2129 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: ETS_Comedy_Writing
Rating: 0.12 on 92 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (View user info) at 2005-06-08 09:51:59 EDT
Is it just me, or has everyone, at some point in their pointless life, stayed up late enough at night watching TV to catch the part in the show where things stop being interesting and pseudo sexy and start being really fucking loud and annoying with some guy saying, "this is A-MAZING. Just look at this, Suzie...it purees, it blends, it slices, it dices, it mixes, it fixes...You can make fruit smoothies...strawberry daquaries...etc...etc....etc..."?
And he's just so goddamned excited about this 'A-MAZING' product that you just feel compelled to stick around and see what the FUCK this thing could possibly do that's any different from the BLENDER that's been collecting dust in your kitchen cupboard for years... Is it going to fly? Will it clip my nose hairs in my sleep? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ELSE DOES THIS THING DO THAT I CAN'T DO WITH WHAT I'VE ALREADY GOT?!?!
Then you are left holding your cock in anticipation of the kicker that just never comes. Your world becomes bleak. You can't sleep. You can't eat. You lose your job. Your family disowns you...all because of this machine that calls itself the 'Everything Machine' but is really just a blender in a clever disguise. It's the equivalent of George Michael's solo career after "WHAM!" He still was pretty much the same, just repackaged and marketed to the mainstream, non-openly gay community this time with denim instead of pastel polyester and nylon jumpsuits.
I don't know if you non-Americans have what we refer to as the 'infomercial', but if you don't, then you will technically live longer lives than those of us who 'acidentally' watch the show and will never have that hour of our lives back. For that, I envy you, despite what my government tells me about your inferior race and your wicked, sinful way of life.
This recently got me thinking: are there any other appliances we use that we could simply do without, or whose function we could easily reproduce with another similar machine? What I found in my study might shock some. It might horrify others. Good God, man, it might just change the face of the world as we know it.
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Below is a list of the household appliances that a modern home could do without and still be considered 'modern':
A TOASTER? Useful you say??? How about getting a toaster oven instead? It does the same job and more. Granted, if you want to be a fucking nit-picking little prick - like most of the kids who INSIST on cutting off the edges of their sandwiches - you might make a case that a toaster oven doesn't toast equally on both sides, but you will only be making the same mistake your mother made when you were conceived by not simply TURNING THE FUCKING THING OVER AND DOING THE OTHER SIDE! There are other reasons why a toaster oven is more useful than a toaster. You'll see why a little later.
Speaking of sandwiches... who needs a fucking SANDWICH MAKER? That has got to be right up there among the greatest late-night marketing malarky ever pulled over on the Oprah-watching public. Oh my GOD! Get a fucking CLUE! You can do the same job with either a toaster oven or a conventional stove! You don't NEED that gadget just because someone thought it would be a nice anniversary present. Take it back and exchange it for a crate of twizzlers or something.
An ELECTRIC KNIFE SHARPENER??? Seriously people...get a fucking whetstone. Or, better yet, get really wet and really stoned and go sliding across the kitchen floor into a bowling pin arrangement of dull knives with your reproductive parts preferably in front. I think that, not only would that save the energy wasted on sharpening knives the electric way, but it would also save society the energy of feeding your chromosomally-challenged spawn while they rot away in whatever prison they're destined for.
An ELECTRIC TEA KETTLE? Why would you need a tea kettle when you have another appliance that does the EXACT SAME THING? It's called a coffee pot people. Feel the magic. This one is especially for the British. Want a crystal clear, sparkling pot of steamy hot water with which to make your, admittedly quite pleasant, bastardized concoction known as hot tea? Want to make hot cocoa? Fill the reservoir of the coffee maker with water, but omit the coffee grounds. Voila! Either that, or just get an old-fashioned saucepan and boil some water on the stove. Just don't let your town elders see you do it - they'll still burn you at the stake for that over there.
A SPACE HEATER? Who needs a space heater when you already have a toaster oven and a fan? Seriously folks, use a little ingenuity. Prop open the toaster oven, duct tape the timer so that it stays on, then place the fan at a safe distance from the front of the device. TA-DAAAAA! Instant space heating. Need a space heater for the kitchen? Turn the oven high and prop the door open for a minute. Better yet, just stick your head in. It works faster that way.
An ELECTRIC RAZOR? The only good thing about an electric razor is you don't have to worry about buying those expensive refills to the Shick Trasor Quattro or the Gillette Tri-Blade thingamabob you invested in thinking 'this is all I'll ever have to buy for my bushy-hair needs' only to discover down the road that they now have you by the neatly-shaven balls for life! Just give me an old fashioned straight razor with a leather strap - that way at least I won't have to ruin a perfectly good electric razor screen when I want to mutilate something. And the leather strap also comes in handy for those shit-eating kids when they refuse to eat the sandwich you made them with the edges on the bread.
A DEHUMIDIFIER? One solution to your humidity problems would be to MOVE OUT OF THE FUCKING SWELTERING JUNGLE CLIMATE YOU LIVE IN! If that's not a reasonable option for you, you can always just take the humidifier you already have and switch it from 'blow' to 'suck'. See? Simple.
An ELECTRIC HANDHELD MIXER? Baking a cake are we? One session with Emeril and now you think you're fucking Betty Crocker? Ok, wise ass, why don't you throw all that cakemix in the blender and turn it on low? Then, leaving the lid off the unit, turn the entire thing, base and all, upside down while running to pour the contents into a bowl when done? You know why you didn't think of that? Because you're BAKED! (hehehehehe....I made a cooking pun! Top THAT
Martha Stuart!)
The GEORGE FORMAN LEAN MEAN FAT REDUCING GRILLING MACHINE? Look negro, either get some charcoal and go have a family outing, or bust out the goddamn teflon, cause I don't wanna hear how the innovative George Forman Grill takes all the juicy fatty goodness out of the artistic perfection that was once my cheeseburger! Got it?
The VACUUM CLEANER? How about this...you go down to Mexico and stay in a one room block shack with a leaky tin roof with a family of 12 sleeping on dirt floors with pigs and chickens wandering in and out at will, leaving trails of feces in what will soon become your drinking water? Then tell me how badly your carpet needs vacuuming! Better yet, get hardwood floors and use rugs that are both easily shaken out or machine washed.
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I hope this guide has been helpful. I think we could all probably use a little simplicity in our lives now and again. In the hustle and bustle of the modern world, sometimes you just gotta throw away the electric tooth brush and the autonomous cleaning robots and get back to basics... Then maybe there will be fewer of these useless household appliances to deal with when the machines finally DO try to take over.
User Reviews
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-09-02 01:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
recalc
Submitted by JHoersten2 (user info) at 2005-08-28 17:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gay
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-14 18:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But if ever you're not his alter...ETS is the bipolar representative of Uber.
He has a mental sickness and we help him in his struggle.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-14 18:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2005-06-14 18:36:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
They think we are the same person. Who the fuck are you?
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So you figured out in less than five seconds that electrictoothsyndrome was 'ETS' as we mentionned and you found his old post right away?
Way to give yourself away.
Submitted by honeycake (user info) at 2005-06-14 18:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
They think we are the same person. Who the fuck are you?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-14 18:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Besides, didn't you say you would leave?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-14 18:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
so how many alters you plan to have bipolar boy?
Submitted by Chicane (user info) at 2005-06-14 10:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-14 10:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/feeling_sad/bipolar.html
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-12 22:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
awwwww, everyone's having fun without me!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-09 22:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-09 16:47:55 (#)
Ranking: -2
Man, I havent even read the post, I just heard about the drama from other posts. This is some funny fucking shit, I like it.
Well thank fuck for that. I did, after all, do all of this just for you. I don't know what I'd do without the attention of a no-mark dipshit who has failed to make any impact on a site where notoriety is only a blurry webcam shot or dead baby joke away.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-09 16:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Man, I havent even read the post, I just heard about the drama from other posts. This is some funny fucking shit, I like it.
Submitted by EmuParrotCock (user info) at 2005-06-09 00:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Men with shaved balls make baby jeebus cry.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-08 19:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You still live with your parents?
AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAAAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA.
Oh god no.
AHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAHHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAA.
I should post my tax return, despite my best work utilizing shelters and registered savings plans I still had to cut a check for almost $11 000 to the government. That's after the $10 000 that was deducted from my salary.
That's probably more than you make in a year.
Sissy.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-08 19:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just read all the reviews below, and sweet monkey jesus, what the hell happened here??
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-06-08 17:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
while i don't agree with all of your points, it was a nicely written rant.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-08 17:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
poor old ETS. 'Electric Tea kettle'? eh?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-08 15:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sandwich makers indeed!
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-06-08 15:14:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, ok, I'll do it, jesus fucking christ....
ETS has a gargantuan cock.
Ok, it's done. Now let's all move on. For the love of god, will you all please stop thinking about his cock. STOP IT! STOP! NO! BAD DOG! NAUGHTY DOG! NO!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When you decide to settle down and get married one day, you are going to make some lucky woman curl up and drool all over herself in a fetal position under the kitchen sink.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:23:22 (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is it you're the first one to cry about how childish everyone acts here when they blindly +2 something that is spur of the moment hilarity, but overall shit, but then resort to -2ing out of revenge?
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[Short answer. Because it has always completely disillusioned me when I think about why I bother trying to post something that requires effort so that I might share something that is close to heart when someone can just post complete shit and get their ass drooled over.]
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I suppose this will lead you to go and negativley rate more of my posts. Which will be fine. You'll still be crying EMO tears alone in your bed tonight, wondering why you can't even get anonymous people on the internet to like you.
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No. I'm pretty much done with it. No point in it now.
I don't care if anonymous people like me. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want other uber users, who are not just anonymous people to me, to at least understand me somewhat. It's become clear that that's never going to happen.
I used to always have this philosophy of 'so what'. So what if I never share my thoughts or feelings with other people. I don't need them to validate who I am. I'll just take my own trinket thoughts and go over here with them....by myself.
At some point I came to understand the fallacy in that - because what is life if you don't share it with other people...the good and the bad? Then I made the mistake of coming here to share that...
You know the rest.
Will I cry over it. No. But, does it hurt a little. Yea it does.
There it is.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:38:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Like I said, it's the niche I've been forced to assume"""
You're right, you're a victim. We should plant a tree for you.
Seriously, there reasons things happen. I get into quarrels with faggots like you or IHAKF because I like arguing. It's not my neighbor's fault or his dog.
You haven't been force to assume anything, but you sure could assume yourself for once.
Submitted by THE_MASKED_MACABRE (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Gawd... I hate caps. Use less caps next time and then maybe I'll give you a better score. And if you don't do that then I will punish you with a -2. My opinions are really important so I suggest you listen! I'll check back in a minute or two. To see if you respond. k? k.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Caul: I learned from the best....IHAKF, shitfuck, PFF... Like I said, it's the niche I've been forced to assume.
Rad: That's all well and good, but it's obvious that ubersite is anything but a place for spiritual or personal growth. All anyone here is interested in is seeing who can take the bigger bite out of somebody else to maximize their own amusement.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why is it you're the first one to cry about how childish everyone acts here when they blindly +2 something that is spur of the moment hilarity, but overall shit, but then resort to -2ing out of revenge?
I suppose this will lead you to go and negativley rate more of my posts. Which will be fine. You'll still be crying EMO tears alone in your bed tonight, wondering why you can't even get anonymous people on the internet to like you.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh christ.
I am all about self-growth. Not hate.
I don't hate very well.
When I say something to someone, it generally isn't to belittle them, or make them feel bad.
I believe in honest criticism of character, and the ability of the human soul to take this internally and better itself.
I believe strongly in holding myself and others accountable for our actions, and take each thing we do as a learning experience.
That, if nothing else, was where I was going with that.
I'm going to drink more rum now.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:14:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like how you pick the posts with less reviews in order to inflict the most 'damage' on your 'victim'. You must feel powerful.
Or miserable.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Rad, I'm at work. Where the fuck am I gonna go?
Your comments are noted, and I partially see your point - but what none of you seem to understand is I am the way I am on here because that's the niche that other users have forced me to assume. You might call that nonsense, but it's not from where I sit.
I remember when you first came to this site. We had a few discussions on MSN that were quite friendly and pleasant, and lately, while you still throw a positive rating at me most of the time, you still have repeat the standard ETS hate like a mindless parrot on other posts where I am merely debating a point.
That gets annoying. If your wish was to get me to leave this site like the rest of 'em. You're getting it after today.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Adam: there's three more.... It's your turn now.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are a 27 year old man.
Go out and be a man.
Don't argue with internet people.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS, I guarendamnteeit that your comments only egg people on.
It's not the artful posts that do it.
It's the tempermental, sanctimonious attitude and the constant defense of yourself, rather than taking honest criticism.
Whinging. Constant whinging.
I still call shenanigans. This is just an attempt at heat/attention/self-gratification.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:53:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I also went back and -2ed 3 of your old posts
You're welcome
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Adam.... one of my favorite followers. You've recieved your gift from me.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
First: I don't live with my mom.
Second: Why do you care if I'm a mental case? I don't see how that should be any of your concern, and, if it IS your concern, then you should ask yourself: "should I attempt to understand it, or should I just essentially feed it and prove it's validity by CONTINUING to attack it?"
As for the sentence about smelling blood - it's called a metaphor, and it perfectly describes what they were doing as far as I'm concerned, just like it describes what you are doing right now.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
post was meh, the bitchfest below was horrific.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow. I can barely remember what the post was about. Have a +1 because I have a vague fear of technology. If I wasn't lazy I could degenerate into another Unabomber.
But seriously, don't we have better things to do than get upset about this kind of thing? It seems to me that you have burned your bridges. If you dont want to make nice with your internet enemies and you want your posts to be taken seriously, why not just make a new account and start over. It's better than thinking everyone who gives you a negative rating has it out for you.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't ever compare me to you. First off, I'm no 27 and still living with my mom. Second, what bothers me is not the ratings for god's sake. IT'S HOW MUCH OF A MENTAL CASE YOU ARE!
Just look at this sentence a couple of times:
"Spam, Phallic and you brought yourselves into this fray. You were following the smell of blood just like the rest of them. "
You. Are. Nut.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Caul....I don't know what to tell you dude. You can't control what I do. You can only control what you do. Same goes for me and everyone else. So why do you keep trying?
You'd better just leave before people pick up on the fact that you're being just as much of a whiny little bitch as I am...and for the same reasons.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I know I said I was out of here but do you realize how crazy you sound? "You all wanted me to be like this! It's all your fault! They're all out against me! The little voices told me to do it! Raaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Just admit that you reacted like a fucking pussy and move on. Then maybe people will stop calling you an emo crybaby.
I still can't believe the balls you have when you tell me it's my fault that you spammed my account after I gave you so much positive ratings. You self-absorbed little psycho.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Spam, Phallic and you brought yourselves into this fray. You were following the smell of blood just like the rest of them. I didn't DRAG you in. You came of your own accord.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If ratings mean so little and this has nothing to do with others why -2 them and drag them in? Why threaten me with a -2 attack if it means nothing? Why waste your time on what you've just stipulated is a pointless exercise?
Coherance of point is someting I feel you need to strive for.
Fuck it, Go on and -2 away, my rating was too high anyway and it won't change the fact that at the moment you're being a Cunt... But then you know that already right?
Submitted by jayjonze (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Toilet, Who needs a toilet when you can shit in a closet or a paper bag?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Rad: This is what you all want me to be. You won't accept the real me that tries to post what I consider serious artful things from time to time without name-calling. So, I'll just become what you all want me to be. Why not? It's not like anyone takes me seriously anyway.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:17:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"The karma that other's impose upon me is now fanning out and drawing others in who didn't have any business being there. "
Holy fuck, this guy's a fucking nut. I'm out of here.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Starting to turn into as big a tool as IHAKF.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:12:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:05:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigans on this whole thing.
---
No this guy is real. I've -2ed a few of his posts and called him a bipolar because he sure does fucking act like one. Look, now he's trying to "threatened" Spam. "Do you want me to change that?" hahaha
"A few postive ratings..." Make that 43 you wimpy little psycho. Plus you spammed my account so you better shut the fuck up and pop your pills from now on.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SPAM: I know Phallic's posts were good. That's the nature of this site. It doesn't matter if anything's 'good' or 'bad' anymore.
Would YOU like a demonstration of how little I care about your opinion at this point too? Because you mean nothing to me. Look at your posts, Spam, and you'll see I've given you your due.
In fact, I've never given you anything but a +2. I can change that if you want. See? THAT'S my point! It doesn't matter. It's just a number.
The karma that other's impose upon me is now fanning out and drawing others in who didn't have any business being there. If you want to wallow in this muck, fine.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shenanigans on this whole thing.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Caul: you think you've been nice to me because back in the day before everyone hopped on the 'hate ETS and call him an EMO crybaby' bandwagon you gave me a few positive ratings?
It's not that. It's the little mantra you've adopted. The "you're bi-polar" and "you're a whiny emo bitch" that have made you my enemy.
I vaguely remember when you used to give me positive ratings...on a couple posts where our politics were similar, I think. Then you started chanting with the rest of them - bearing your little 'anti-ETS' slogans.
Sure it's stupid to have internet 'enemies', but what the fuck else are you going to call them? You're certainly not my friend.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:59:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS said: "Fortunately for you, they haven't singled you out yet. I just want you to know how it feels to have them follow you like a shadow"
My overall ratings to your post is above your average. I looked up shitfuck's and you both gave each others about the same. Nobody is singling you out. And more importantly, WHO CARES?!
Fuck man, seriously, seek help. I'm not kidding.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.seroquel.com/
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus christ ETS.
SEROQUEL.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Scratch my previous comments, I can't believe you went and pissed on some of Phallic's best posts - those were fucking brilliant.
A word has yet to be invented to adequately describe how much of a Whiney Cunt I think you are - but if it were, I imagine it would be some kind of amalgamation of colossal, gargantuan, mammoth, and Annabelle Chong.
...And I'm a nice fucking guy.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously. I think you're a little unbalanced, and not in a fun way. I'm not joking, or mocking you.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You know, it's not so much that this post isn't crap.... I know it's crap. I was typing my thoughts on a very insignificant subject of household appliances...like I really give a fuck what household appliances are useful or not.
It's not this post. I agree this post is crap. It's just the straw that's breaking the camel's back. I'm done with this website. But there are a few people I think should come with me.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:37:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
It looks to me like you've never had trolls following you like I have. All of your posts are so nice and clean....devoid of all the -2s that pepper everything I've ever done, good or bad. And you know, it's not because I did it to them first.
They seek you out because they know you'll retaliate. And I oblige them everytime.
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Yes, I follow you around and I -2 EVERYTHING (a bit extreme are we?) you have EVER done!
How Caulaincourt has rated other users
electrictoothsyndrome (user info)
53 on 43 = 1.23
How other users have rated Caulaincourt
electrictoothsyndrome (user info)
-8 on 8 = -1.00
Seems that I'm not that bad with you oh opressed martyr.
You're a mental buddy. Today is just another one of your manic episode during which your mood swings could make mystiamoon look like a tibetan monk.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:46:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:37:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:28:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not whipping my shit out in front of shitfuck....he might get ideas.
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No, really... You and shitfuck sound like a pair of chav's in the middle of the street going ..............
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Why don't you ask shitfuck... It's the pasttime he's chosen.
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"Argentine Tango Dancing covers several subjects, including tango step patterns. I have broken such patterns down into a few very simple patterns of no more than three individual steps. I also show you a few easy ways to vary and combine these very basic patterns. This lets you understand and learn new complex patterns very quickly and easily. It also lets you make up your own!"
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Phallic: You're right, you HAD no part in that. Fortunately for you, they haven't singled you out yet. I just want you to know how it feels to have them follow you like a shadow... Knowing that even if you put effort into anything anymore, it would just be shot down in the firt two reviews by someone who didn't read it, then noone else will even give it a chance because we are cattle and everything we do is just so much falling in line with the rest of the herd.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:37:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:28:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not whipping my shit out in front of shitfuck....he might get ideas.
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No, really... You and shitfuck sound like a pair of chav's in the middle of the street going "YEAH, WOT?! WOT YUH LOOKIN' AT, YA FOOKIN DICK'ED?!", arms outstreched a la crucifiction, chest out, walking around like you've got a very nasty groin infection.
If you don't like each other, you don't have to even acknowledge each other. Why bombard each others' posts with purile insults that nobody really thinks are interesting or imaginative? Seems like a waste of time and effort to me.
Talking of wasting time, i'm done.
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Why don't you ask shitfuck... It's the pasttime he's chosen.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:37:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
It looks to me like you've never had trolls following you like I have. All of your posts are so nice and clean....devoid of all the -2s that pepper everything I've ever done, good or bad. And you know, it's not because I did it to them first.
They seek you out because they know you'll retaliate. And I oblige them everytime.
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Yeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss and i certainly had a big part in that.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked the post.
That said, what the fuck is wrong with you? I havn't had too many dealings with you on here, but I thought you were WAY above -2 spam attacks. I guess I was wrong.
You know the worst thing about it? With these childish retaliations coupled with insults straight from the Electro school of haranguing, you do more to prove your worthlessness than any of shitfuck/Caulincourt insults could ever do.
Go smoke some weed.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:28:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not whipping my shit out in front of shitfuck....he might get ideas.
--------------------
No, really... You and shitfuck sound like a pair of chav's in the middle of the street going "YEAH, WOT?! WOT YUH LOOKIN' AT, YA FOOKIN DICK'ED?!", arms outstreched a la crucifiction, chest out, walking around like you've got a very nasty groin infection.
If you don't like each other, you don't have to even acknowledge each other. Why bombard each others' posts with purile insults that nobody really thinks are interesting or imaginative? Seems like a waste of time and effort to me.
Talking of wasting time, i'm done.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kettles came before percolators, surely you should have been disparaging of your "coffee pot."
Would have been funny if it didn't make you feel reproached whilst reading it.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you think people are nasty to you because:
a) The world is unfair and you're a good guy that people just don't understand.
b) Ubersite is not representative, we're all losers and YOU're the cool one, which we don't get.
c) This post was not good. As such, people reviewed it accordingly.
d) You lack talent, and project your mediocrity onto others with better lives than you.
e) You're so easily aggravated.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:15:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm 27.
---
Enough said.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Phallic.....this has nothing to do with hits.
I have NEVER given a shit about hits. Look at my posts. Do they look like a collection of hitwhore posts to you?
I keep posting music because it gets me all these hits and all this positive feedback and recognition? You people don't understand anything.
My ratings won't last the week, but my username won't last the day.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm not whipping my shit out in front of shitfuck....he might get ideas.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
179 hits?
-2 bombing doesn't seem to be the hit magnet you were hoping for. Anyway, i don't imagine your ratings will last the week anyway.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:27:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:15:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm 27. This isn't a 'temper tantrum'. Nothing has died yet.
You're still off. Keep trying.
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Why don't both of you just whip it out and see who's is bigger?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm 27. This isn't a 'temper tantrum'. Nothing has died yet.
You're still off. Keep trying.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe that at 20 whatever you are, you still have temper tantrums.
Get dead.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:08:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS, anyone who reads this crap can easily see you for the dripping twat that you are.
Even your mother, the whore.
Why can't you get hit by a truck and die?
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That's a little better.... You're still not quite there though. Haven't hit the soft spot yet... Plus you forgot the -2.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What are you the Uber Avenger? No I don't mind about my ratings. I had IHAKF spam my whole account on a weekly basis. Your emotional issues and little misfits are kind of annoying however.
"Then shut the fuck up and take the hit like a man""
hahah, "take the hit like a man"...you take that shit seriously don't you?
Here, +2. It'll be my donation for the mentally challenged.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:08:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS, anyone who reads this crap can easily see you for the dripping twat that you are.
Even your mother, the whore.
Why can't you get hit by a truck and die?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:04:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shitfuck, you can't even properly insult anyone anymore.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a gay cowboy with fleas.
I bet you creep the fuck out of girls. You creep me out and I'm half a world away on a DSL line.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You and shitfuck start the shit invariably. Try as you may to misdirect the blame onto me or others...you have it coming. You say I'm a whiny emo cunt? You say I shouldn't worry about internet ratings? Then shut the fuck up and take the hit like a man. Stop lingering on my post bitching about me -2ing you.
This makes you look like a whiny bitch.... Didn't anyone ever tell you that?
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:57:30 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:40:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
We can do this all day for all I fucking care Caul, you French-Canadian illiterate bitch.
---
No, YOU can do this all day because obviously, you're a mental case who cares about Internet ratings. And it looks like I'm not the only one who thought that was humorless.
Funny that you call me illieterate when I'm here showing you how much of a stupid emo cunt you are in my second language.
You've already -2 a bunch of my posts and a few of shitfuck.
What's next? You will write a song and cry?
Take your meds you male-mystia
____________________________________________
PSL- Pwning in a Second Language.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:40:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
We can do this all day for all I fucking care Caul, you French-Canadian illiterate bitch.
---
No, YOU can do this all day because obviously, you're a mental case who cares about Internet ratings. And it looks like I'm not the only one who thought that was humorless.
Funny that you call me illieterate when I'm here showing you how much of a stupid emo cunt you are in my second language.
You've already -2 a bunch of my posts and a few of shitfuck.
What's next? You will write a song and cry?
Take your meds you male-mystia
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:34:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
i have an electric razor because i'm lazy. my morning wake-up routine consists of 5-6 rituals compressed into 5-6 minutes. I have no time to lather up and shave. Just a quick buzz and I'm good to go.
here's a fun fact: if you haven't shaved your pubes with an electric razor, don't start...i got the worst razor burn from that crap. it looked like i had a few dozen herpes outbreaks all over.
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Wait for the regrowth to set in... It starts like accupuncture on your scrotum, them develops into an itch that can only be prevented by weating underwear so constricting as to stop movement of your organ. I just put up with the itching...
ETS, I did read the post. To be honest, "Well done" to the guy who took a toaster and a fan and turned it into a household heating appliance. "Fair play" to the man who stuck a bag, a fan, and a tube together to save beating seven bells out of my furnishings every week. "Thanks a lot" to the person that put two grinving wheels and a motor together to save me working for half an hour trying to get an edge on a dull knife. They saved me a hell of a lot of effort I spent on ENJOYING MYSELF AND NOT BEING BITTER.
However, +2 because the infomercials do suck balls. Maybe I missed the more subtle point the first time round.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i worry for your blood pressure
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't believe this guy.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:40:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
So angry about appliances.. I like clean floors myself. Not a big fan of caps either.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We can do this all day for all I fucking care Caul, you French-Canadian illiterate bitch.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry mate, this was really dull.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You shouldn't retaliate on people's post. It shows how much of a little whinny bitch you are.
Are you bipolar?
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i have an electric razor because i'm lazy. my morning wake-up routine consists of 5-6 rituals compressed into 5-6 minutes. I have no time to lather up and shave. Just a quick buzz and I'm good to go.
here's a fun fact: if you haven't shaved your pubes with an electric razor, don't start...i got the worst razor burn from that crap. it looked like i had a few dozen herpes outbreaks all over.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 09:59:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
Lightbulbs: Too good for candles?!
Plumbing: Too lazy to walk to the well to get your own water?
Fire: Too much of a faggot to take the cold like a real man?
You wrote this article on the biggest item of consumer luxury since the television.
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Do any of you fuckers have a brain? What you just said made absolutely no goddamned sense.
Next time, I suggest reading the fucking post.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Having trouble sleeping, bro?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:05:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Next time, try more humor. And less CAPS while you're there.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 09:59:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lightbulbs: Too good for candles?!
Plumbing: Too lazy to walk to the well to get your own water?
Fire: Too much of a faggot to take the cold like a real man?
You wrote this article on the biggest item of consumer luxury since the television.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-06-08 09:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one...