God Guarantees Instant Debt Elimination (2739 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MickGinny (View user info) at 2005-06-08 10:56:57 EDT
Peter Popoff , the evangelist had an infomercial on comedy central early this morning. As I was watching, I was waiting for a cut to Jon Stewart to make a happy Jewish comment because I was sure this had to be an early morning airing of the daily show. I was wrong. It is a great deal for comedy central in my opinion. They let this asshole pay for and produce his infomercial then they get paid to air a program that falls squarely into their trademark examination of the absurd.
You might remember that a few years back Pete ran into some problems when it was learned that he wore a tiny ear radio receiver during his service. His wife would transmit information about the audience based on prayer request cards that were filled out by the audience. Pete would claim that he was receiving divine direction while seeking these people out prompted by his wifes description and then give them a smack on the head for a free no obligation healing from cancer or paralysis or whatever they had written on their prayer request card.
Unlike Jimmy Swaggarts tearful apology and begging of forgiveness when he was caught with his pants down(literally), Pete adamantly denied every way from Sunday that he was in the wrong. His ministry suffered for awhile, and it looked pretty bleak for him until he came up with his latest scam; Miracle Spring Water.
What he is claiming to the weak minded masses now is a miracle cure to all of lifes problems with a simple sprinkling of his miracle water. What makes this water so kick ass is that you can not only use it to cure your cancer instantly but if you sprinkle some on your bills, the debt magically disappears. Which Pete refers to as a divine financial transfer that's right kids, a DIVINE FINANCIAL TRANSFER. I personally like to think of it as supernatural prosperity.
Here are some quotes from the infomercial and quotes from various websites:
"I sprinkled some miracle water on my mortgage bill and three days later my bank called and told me they had paid my mortgage off"
"I rubbed some miracle water into a cancerous lump on my neck and the next morning it was gone"
"God paid off one of her bank loans and she didn't even know it!"
"Thank you for your faithful prayers. There was a lump in my right breast and I was so scared of going back to the doctor when I heard. So I stayed home one Wednesday morning and tuned in to BET and held my breast to the T.V. screen and asked healing while you were praying and was healed! I went back to the Doctor about six months later and was told there wasn't any lump!"
"I want to tell you, after your visit to Orlando I started to see the miracles in my life. I was sick for one year... I spent time at the hospital... the doctor's said I was going to die twice! The doctor's don't know when I'm going to die! I believe in Jesus Christ! Glory to the Lord! I did what you told me to do with the water from the miracle spring and now I'm healed! Everything's gone! No more pain thanks to Jesus Christ!"
"I wrote you the first time to order your spring water for my grandmother. She had cancer and was getting radiation. God really blessed her, she is doing great. When I received your first letter it restored my hope, faith and strength. Everything you said in the first letter was like you were reading my mind. Brother Peter, I thank God for you. Maybe three weeks after your first letter, I received $2,687.00 - money that I was not expecting, just like you said! I'm so thankful that God sent you to help me! May God continue to bless you and your family!"
"You did a good service in Baltimore - you always do. I want to thank you for you prayer. I have not had any high blood pressure for 9 months! I'm not taking any medicine! Praise God and God bless you and your family."
"God has healed my brother Sylvester of diabetes! He has not taken any insulin in any form for 3 months! God has truly blessed him and he has also rededicated his life to Jesus! I had asked you to pray for him and you told me God would heal him! Praise God and thank you for your prayers"
"The miracle water healed my son! When I delivered my baby, the doctor told me my son would not go home with me because his blood cells were not working. After I believed and brought my son home, I put a drop of the water in his mouth. Since then he is healed with new blood cells by doctor Jesus! Praise Him!"
Yours in the lord,
MickGinny.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-06-26 15:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-06-26 13:33:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:01:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I ooooooorderd soooome oooof that miracle water and sprinkled it on my keyboooooard soooo that I coooould win UberMadness and nooooow my OOOOOOO key is broooooken.
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Best comment ever. FUCKING EVER!!!
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-06-26 13:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:01:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
I ooooooorderd soooome oooof that miracle water and sprinkled it on my keyboooooard soooo that I coooould win UberMadness and nooooow my OOOOOOO key is broooooken.
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Best comment ever. FUCKING EVER!!!
Submitted by Skeptic (user info) at 2006-06-26 12:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a serious disease in our country. I'm not a person of "faith" and won't criticize anyone who lives their life according to a religious doctrine. Most religions of the world advocate peace, respect for fellow humans, moral responsibility, etc.
People like this are hypocrites!! Morality is based on helping others, and if you can't help, at the very least, do no harm. They are encouraging people to not only give up on medical treatments which may not cure them but will at least make them comfortable and prolong life for a little while, they are also bleeding them dry financially with empty and unproven promises that their woes will go away with a "contribution".
What infuriates me is that our government encourages this kind of crap with our tax laws. I am a firm believer in the ideal of "separation of church and state". The original intent of this was that the church can't impose laws on government and vice versa. I can't believe the drafters of our constitution intended that a cheap shyster should be allowed to take hard earned dollars from ignorant uneducated people and claim tax exempt status. The IRS is pretty lenient with this and it isn't hard to set up your own church and take advantage of the tax laws.
Hmmmmm. I guess I should start the First Church of Nondenominational Skeptics. Maybe I can avoid paying 16,000 in personal income tax and whatever the Skeptical Supreme Being knows I paid in property, vehicle, sales and whatever other taxes the Government took from me last year because I couldn't claim tax exempt status because I don't have a church.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-06-26 11:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Saxon (user info) at 2005-06-08 19:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All Religions, especially these Evangelical style god botherers offer promises they can neither prove or keep.
Religion preys on the feeble minds of people who are devoid of constructive thought, who want to be led through their lives by others willing to fleece them of what ever money they can.
Its basically legalised organised crime and guess what. They dont pay tax. Bet you cant guess the wealth of the Catholic Church or most orthodox churches for that matter?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-08 15:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, some of the testimonials on that site were beyond stupid...
Serious, I gotta do what this guy does, he's gotta be LOADED...
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-06-08 14:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:05:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
I am considering the possible use of this water for divine male enhancement....
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Holy Spring Water = Enzyte? Truth on the next Inside Edition.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I am considering the possible use of this water for divine male enhancement....
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-06-08 13:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ooooooorderd soooome oooof that miracle water and sprinkled it on my keyboooooard soooo that I coooould win UberMadness and nooooow my OOOOOOO key is broooooken.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:52:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha is that you "People who fall for peter popoffs scam almost deserve to be ripped off for their stupidity. I am signing this to put an end to a predator that preys on the terminally stupid." ?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Online petition:
Stop Peter Popoff's Lies!
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/186411813?ltl=1118249109
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank God not everybody uses that water or praying red cloth or else the economy would crash.
This dude made my day.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You can get this water free too woo boy"
Loki, I have been trying all morning to find a phone number that is still in service to order my "free" miracle spring water to no avail.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gotta get someof that Popoff Jesus Juice & sprinkle it on my keyboard...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:27:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**As I used the red prayer cloth for contact, I received $1,500.00. I was in need of fast money... the red prayer cloth really did work. I thank God for this ministry.**
http://www.peterpopoff.org/
Holy shit, he's not making this up. You can get this water free too woo boy say if I get some and sprinkle it on my lawn will it turn my grass into happy weed?
I love these testimonials, what doctor describes a medical condition as blood cells not working?
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
caul,
http://www.peter--popoff.com/
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-08 12:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:59:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:10:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:01:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Christians are absolutely fucking insane, but they know that too.
<[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]>
Not all of us are naive. And most of us do not fall for the absurd TV frauds.
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What the fuck kind of homosexual review separator is that?!
-----------------------------------------
It's the special edition goatse separator, get yours now, supplies are limited.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:10:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:01:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Christians are absolutely fucking insane, but they know that too.
<[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]>
Not all of us are naive. And most of us do not fall for the absurd TV frauds.
-----------------
What the fuck kind of homosexual review separator is that?!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I sprinkled some miracle water on my mortgage bill and three days later my bank called and told me they had paid my mortgage off"
HAHAHAHHAHAHHAH Are you kidding? Can I have the link?
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kai,
Hinn is quite a charlatan, but he is getting some company. Popoff is concentrating more of his ministry in Canada because of the flack he gets in the USA
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:10:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:01:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Christians are absolutely fucking insane, but they know that too.
<[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]><[{}]>
Not all of us are naive. And most of us do not fall for the absurd TV frauds.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Benny Hinn STOMPS Peter Popoff, any day. And he's Canadian!
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You gotta love the power of marketing.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:03:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if he could help me get rid of the pain in the ass in the next office from me.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder what would happen if I grabbed that douchebag by the neck and held his head down in a bucket of Miracle Spring Water for 5 or 10 minutes.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What amazes me about these creeps is that they KEEP getting caught out for being shams; Swaggart, Baker, this guy, and on and on and on.
Yet people still keep buying their shit and sending in their money. Wow. It's sickening.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christians are absolutely fucking insane, but they know that too.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tuned in to BET and held my breast to the T.V. screen and asked healing
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the mental image conjured by this line alone deserves a +2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-08 11:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Call me when God can get rid of idiots and assholes...
Wait, WTH has been banned again, PRAISE JEEBUS!
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-08 10:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i haven't held my privates to the tv while tuned to BET in a while.
i'll have to get right on that