I Hate You, Ice Cream Man (995 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.83 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (View user info) at 2005-06-09 21:41:55 EDT
Every day now, for the past week or so, the ice cream man has driven through my neighborhood. This normally would not be an issue to me. It's understandable - there are a lot of school-aged kids here, and it's been ridiculously hot. It's obviously going to be profitable for him to drive through, make his stops, and sell the sweet sweet goodness that comes in a fudgesicle.
Does he have to play that stupid song, though?
This is my rendition of how the song goes, being blared from his speakers at ear-shattering airplane-engine from two feet away levels, drawing in children and their idiot parents, bored into my brain through repetition:
Doo dee doo (clap/quack - I'm not sure if this noise is a duck quack or some clapping hands. How could they sound alike, you say? Listen to the ice cream truck and you'll understand.)
Doo dee doo (clap/quack)
Doo doo (clap/quack)
Doo! (clap/quack)
(clap/quack, clap/quack)
Hello!!
The woman at the end of the song really kills me. Her cheerful, nasal "Hello!!" makes me want to eat all of the ice cream in the stupid truck just so I can vomit on the man driving it.
It has come to the point where I've made a vow never to buy ice cream from a four-wheeled vehicle again. (There was always something a little suspicious about ice cream trucks anyways. Like Santa. What kind of man runs around all jolly, giving toys to kids and shouting, "Ho, ho, ho!"? Big guys in red suits and Michael Jackson, that's who.)
He picks the worst times, too. I always need to go out when he's coming in to my neighborhood. Usually you can pass another car without any issues. However, when children swarm the streets and their parents yell at YOU when their child doesn't look and runs out of seemingly no where so that you almost cause bloody accidents, there are some problems we need to address. The kids with their little sticky hands seem to come to the conclusion that because there is a horrid song and a large man driving a shady truck, they have every right to run (Or scooter, as there seems to be a small gang of scooter riding children living near me. They are almost a national threat.) in front of whatever traffic they can find.
All the while, as I'm driving about two miles per hour down the street, that stupid song is going on.
The other day I gave him a dirty look. A look that really said, "Yeah, you know what's coming to you, bringer of cavities and poor nutritional values. One of these days I'll get you GOOD."
He just grinned that stupid, over-sugared grin at me.
I swear the music got louder when I did it.
Clap/Quack.
User Reviews
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-06-14 09:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oh thats funny SAS, my friend up in boston was telling me this exact same story the other day. i guess no one likes the ice cream man
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-13 14:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm in Northern Virginia, land of excitement and crazies.
It's a unique place.
Submitted by NOWorNEVER (user info) at 2005-06-13 09:12:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hey SAS, where do you live that the ice cream man is so crazy?
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-10 17:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
New note - I saw the truck again today as I was coming home. I think they've hired a new "driver". I use that term loosely because of his insisting on going the exact speed limit in my neighborhood, which is, no lie, 7 m.p.h.
AGGH.
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-10 14:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh man Claire1 - for a while there was this infestation of crows around here, so it wasn't just the little tweety birds waking you up in the morning. There was this awful "RWAAAHAAA" noise that drowned out everything except possibly the ice cream man.
It was bad news bears.
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-06-10 09:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA i know that fucking song you're talking about!
What the hell is that shit anyway???
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-10 08:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel ya. I hate waking up everymorning to the fucking tweet tweet of the gay assed fucking birds.
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-10 08:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you not read the story?
(Clap/Quack.)
THAT is how I can hate the ice cream man.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-10 06:33:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
how can you hate the ice cream man?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-09 22:16:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you stop and talk to him, he'll say he's a 'Paki' who speeks Urdu.
But he's lying........he's Al Queda......o yeah........
he's Al Queda for sure.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-09 21:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
move to the country