My life changed last night. I found out I'm a father. (3609 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.71 on 106 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by nitty (View user info) at 2005-06-10 10:57:49 EDT
I'm telling this website first.
Before I tell my family, my fiancee, my coworkers, my other friends.
I have to start somewhere.
Life, as I know it, changed last night. For the better? I don't see how. Not at this point in time. Maybe one day in the far distant future, I will look back on this slice of my life and realize that it's what made me a true man, but for right now I'm just scared.
I'm a father.
I got a phone call last night from an old friend of mine. I call her 'friend,' not 'girlfriend,' becuase we never really dated. Many of you know I used to bartend, and she was part of that life, part of that lifestyle. We slept together a few times - a few drunken encounters, but then the phone calls stopped, she stopped coming into the bar, and she fell from my memory like leaves fall from a tree.
Until last night.
I don't know how or where she got my number, but she called me. I usually screen numbers I don't recognize, and I was going to screen this one, but something made me pick up my cell phone and flip it open.
I didn't recognize the voice at first, and after she told me her name it took a few moments to place it. When I did finally piece together who she was and how I knew her, I knew the call wasn't going to be good news.
I'm a father.
She had my child almost 2 years ago.
At first, she said, she wasn't sure of the father. She thought she was strong and thought she could handle the situation herself. As time progressed and my son grew, she realized that she couldn't do it alone. And as he began to look more and more like me, she realized it was mine.
She emailed me a picture.
There's no doubt.
I'm going for a DNA test, but my gut feeling tells me it's nothing more than a formality.
I've decided to start paying child support immediately, as I see that as the right thing to do. She now lives almost 6 hours away, and I'm in the process of making plans to go see my son. Part of me doesn't want to, but a larger part of me wants to see how he is, how he is living, and make sure he's being raised in proper surroundings. This isn't his fault, and as much as it scares me, if she's not raising him in a good environment, I'm going to have to take him. After all, he's mine.
I'm petrified of telling my family.
I'm the oldest, the first son, Christ the first Grandson. I'm the role model, the example setter, the All-American, the hero. This is going to crush my mother. I won't be able to look my father in the eye for years. I have no idea how my 14 year old sister will react, or what she'll be forced to tell her friends when the word gets out.
I'm petrified of telling my fiancee.
She and I have been together for almost 4 years. She's not an idiot. She can do the math. This will most definitely throw a wrench into any plans we're thinking of making for the future. She wants children - her children - not another woman's. I don't think we can withstand this, and then I'll be even more alone than I feel right now.
One thing I will do is try to be a good father.
You might not see me on this site as much anymore - no more goofing off at work. I need to hit it hard from now on - I have a son to raise, bills to pay, college to think about. My plans have changed. Drinking, golf, gambling...done. My priorities have changed.
Yesterday afternoon I was a 27-year-old big kid. This morning I was a man.
Jake.
My son's name is Jake.
Not my first choice, but I can get used to it.
Jake....
User Reviews
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-08-04 12:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nitts.... just so you know, this will NEVER not be funny!
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-14 11:35:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fcuk.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-14 09:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just priceless!!
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-14 00:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, goddamn, he does look JUST like you, in every way! How do I know? Well... let's just not talk about that.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-13 16:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh i was kidding.
Thanks anyway!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This really was clever.
And ruining my perfect +2 was really just bitter.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-13 09:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was funny, but the lack of NSFW killed me.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2005-06-13 05:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats. You're a good man. May your son one day be on the cover of Playgirl, your mistress on the cover of Playboy, and your wife on a milk carton.
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-13 05:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-06-13 03:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2005-06-12 12:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is what went on in my head.
*click*
"Uh oh, bebbehs."
"Oooh, 2 years old."
"Yikes, fambly."
"YEEEE, FIANCEE."
"Shit, man."
"Hmm, perhaps not so much with the mom's picture on the internet...awwwww, cute bab....HEY! AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA"
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-12 08:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the 95th response will be my own...
Thank you to all who got this for what it was;
A JOKE
Notice how I said that based on the picture there is no doubt he is mine?
Notice the penis in the picture hangs below his knee?
That was the joke.
I didn't put NSFW because this picture is too ridiculous to be even considered real.
And whoever said this picture was illegal...please. Porn? I think not. Funny? I think so.
Seemed like some good shit to do on a Friday while bored at work.
And that picture is still making me laugh.
Submitted by Calios (user info) at 2005-06-12 01:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-06-11 17:14:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-10 21:45:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
His mother looks so proud.
__________________________
She just had sex with the damn thing, she must be beaming. Hmmmm *beaming*
----------------------------------------
i just love the look of surprise on her face!!
its like WTF i'm not sucking all that!!
damn molesterer bitch
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2005-06-11 22:29:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
NSFW NSFW NSFW!!!!! You forgot to put NSFW!!!!
I'm surprised you fucking faggots haven't littered this post with "NSFW" alerts. You little bitches cling to your internet protocol as if it were real life or something. oh wait, this shit is real life to you losers. that's why this douche bag is revealing the knowledge of the birth of his first-born son on here first instead of telling any real friends or family.
Take heed you 27 year old loser, your fiance's probably fat and desperate...she ain't going nowhere.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-06-11 20:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-06-11 18:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THE GIANT SHLONG ON THAT KID?!?
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-06-11 17:14:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-10 21:45:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
His mother looks so proud.
__________________________
She just had sex with the damn thing, she must be beaming. Hmmmm *beaming*
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-06-11 13:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
For the first time in about a year, I laughed out loud.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-06-11 09:12:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's a good looking kid, though I think he looks a little like me. Good post
Submitted by Affinity (user info) at 2005-06-11 08:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so very wrong
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-11 08:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you my twin and shlongy is our father?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-11 03:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I gheyed his perfect streak all up!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-11 03:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to hand it to you. This was so damned awesome. You had me going for the whole thing, and then WHAM - brought me right back down to Earth and cracked me up.
The greatest bit is the people who missed it and reviewed this post telling you "good luck". Awesome post.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-06-11 01:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:49:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:33:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Avals is a jew. He eats babies. That's why he can't compute.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Don't you have some surrendering to do or something?
Yeah, I eat babies; so what? You eat McDonald's; and that doesn't even taste good.
======================================================================================
Somewhere between the post and these reviews I become greatful for this site once again.
Banga
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-06-10 22:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For your sake, I hope you're joking.
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-10 22:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hope you realize a photoshopped picture like that is illegal as hell.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-10 21:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, you fooled us all. How clever.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-10 21:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
His mother looks so proud.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2005-06-10 21:31:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you're a man? men don't whine and bitch about what their idiot fiancee will think or how she'll act on finding out something like this. men know that if she's not willing to be there for you, there's not a good reason in hell for you to be with her.
as for the kid, sell it to some scummy Filipino.
Submitted by dethcow (user info) at 2005-06-10 20:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-06-10 20:12:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great!! But the reviews were better
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2005-06-10 19:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Either this is real and you added the picture for a masking of your true fear... Or you are just an evil bastard.... Either way. Good post..
Good Luck or Fuck you.
___________________________________
Yeah, put me down for one of those, too.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-10 19:30:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-10 17:34:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:06:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
"...A real man doesn't run from responsibility. A real man faces challenges head on with honesty and integrity.
A real man accepts the size of his manhood and figures out a way to use it properly, and if he can't, well, he just uses his tongue. :)..."
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A fucking men
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Hallelujah, brother.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-10 18:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Too fucking funny, im dyin ova here.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2005-06-10 18:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
" I'm going for a DNA test, but my gut feeling tells me it's nothing more than a formality. "
This is an all too common scam women pull on men to get into their wallet. Not saying she is, but don't fuck around with the dna test. Get it and find out before you do or say anything to anyone.
If you are the father get a lawyer. People don't contact you out of the blue with this kind of information unless they're looking for something, and in this case that something smells a lot like cold, hard cash.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-10 17:34:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:06:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
"...A real man doesn't run from responsibility. A real man faces challenges head on with honesty and integrity.
A real man accepts the size of his manhood and figures out a way to use it properly, and if he can't, well, he just uses his tongue. :)..."
--------------
A fucking men
Submitted by DarthFaded (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Either this is real and you added the picture for a masking of your true fear... Or you are just an evil bastard.... Either way. Good post..
Good Luck or Fuck you.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was about to +2 you for taking it like a man and not copping out. HAHA you got me gooooood.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have this plus two and damn you all to hell for making me actually care.
DAMN YOU I SAY, YOUNG MAN!!!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NSFW?
goddamnit...
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-06-10 16:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
May I say that your son has a brilliant future ahead of him.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-10 15:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This probably won't make B@W because the pic could be considered NSFW
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-10 15:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha! Totally fell for it, I was all ready with one of those "you're a strong man blah blah blah" statements.
Good one.
Submitted by runswithscissors (user info) at 2005-06-10 14:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:23:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats was farking brilliant, I was so into the whole feeling for ya until I saw the picture. Excellent shennigans
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ditto that!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-06-10 14:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If the test says you are the father deny it because that baby will RUIN YOUR LIFE
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-06-10 14:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My name's Jake. I think you found my baby picture. Maybe that was my babysitter or something.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-10 13:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy has an alter?
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Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:35:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't pay a dime in child support...that is obviously the son of Shlongy!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-10 13:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:24:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:19:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Well? Go on then; I don't have all day.
Heh heh.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome!!!!!!
Submitted by manicvelocity (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:03:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin shit goddamn shitty poo poo jerk off...
Here I am reading along thinking this is real and my heart is actually pounding with the thouht of your upcoming situation and the the picture.
Jerk.
Good stuff here.
------------------------------------------------
anglicise the above and you have my exact response
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:25:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avals vs. Big Mike in a fight to the finish.
That's a good place to end.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:19:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Well? Go on then; I don't have all day.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very funny
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Bigmike, with all due respect - you're full of shit! Go rip out a grown man's trachea straight from his body using nothing but your bare hands; then we'll talk."
Ok.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:06:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Zip it.
You love it and you know it.
Aren't you at work? You'd better get hoppin before you get in trouble.
---
You're a wise ass. Punk!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:52:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
No, a real man scoops his enemies' brains out with a spoon and eats them while he's STILL ALIVE!
____________________________________________________________________________________________
My God! What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
Don't you realize that scooping out someone's brain while they're still alive causes all kind of involuntary spasms and will seriously hamper your dining experience?
Sheesh, beginners...
Bigmike, with all due respect - you're full of shit! Go rip out a grown man's trachea straight from his body using nothing but your bare hands; then we'll talk.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't stop looking at that picture. It cracks me up.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
way to reel everyone in, dude!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zip it.
You love it and you know it.
Aren't you at work? You'd better get hoppin before you get in trouble.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:28:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:19:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Avals... MAKING babies doesn't make you a man. RAISING babies does. Men can run from being fathers. It's easy. Just deny it and leave. It's unfortunate that in this day and age it's such a shock when a man actually steps up to his responsibilities instead of high-tailing it.
he·ro
n. pl. he·roes
1. In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.
2. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life.
Take a look at definition 2. If this isn't courage or nobility of purpose, then nothing is.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
What a load of crap! Changing shitty diapers doesn't make you a man. A real man scoops his enemies' brains out with a spoon and eats them after he kills them, for no another reason than he's a fucking hardass.
Now that's a fucking MAN!
This was great. Had me the whole time until I saw the COCK.
I will address the above comments now.
It doesn't have anything to do with changing shitty diapers or killing other men. Both of these things have something in common and that thing is manning up to do the things you are supposed to do. It doesn't take a real man to take the life of another even though that man may sacrifice a part of himself to do so. I've never taken the life of another human being so I am just speculating. It doesn't take a real man to raise children but he must sacrifice a part of himself to do so. I am raising children now, so I do have experience to say that.
A real man doesn't run from responsibility. A real man faces challenges head on with honesty and integrity.
A real man accepts the size of his manhood and figures out a way to use it properly, and if he can't, well, he just uses his tongue. :)
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is funny. You're still a sicko you freak!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Come on!
I ran the picture by you first, you laughed, I went with it.
I thought it was funny.
I thought the people who didn't get it were even funnier.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-10 12:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:58:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, I was waiting on you to see this.
I knew you, of all people, would appreciate it.
Katie and I tried to conference call yesterday afternoon. Didn't work.
---
Yes. This is true.
Nitty..you're a sick SICK man!!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, I was waiting on you to see this.
I knew you, of all people, would appreciate it.
Katie and I tried to conference call yesterday afternoon. Didn't work.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was about to leave my usual witty commentary when I scrolled down through the picture.
BUHUHAAUahauahauaahaauaauauaaaahahahah,...
Enough said.
PS. I'm extremely jealous.
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"A real man scoops his enemies' brains out with a spoon and eats them after he kills them, for no another reason than he's a fucking hardass.
Now that's a fucking MAN!" - AVALS
---------------
No, a real man scoops his enemies' brains out with a spoon and eats them while he's STILL ALIVE!
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I eat babies; so what? You eat McDonald's; and that doesn't even taste good.
------------------
ahahahaha, nice
although there is nothing quite like starting your morning of with a nice crisp baby, fresh from the oven.
what?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:33:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Avals is a jew. He eats babies. That's why he can't compute.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Don't you have some surrendering to do or something?
Yeah, I eat babies; so what? You eat McDonald's; and that doesn't even taste good.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You tricked me, good work, Hook line and fucking sinker.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
definately not best ever material.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:26:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm amazed that people are actually taking this seriously.
People.....it's called sarcasm. Look at the picture.
---
Don't understimate the retards of Uber.
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy crap, you had me going there!!!!!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't pay a dime in child support...that is obviously the son of Shlongy!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a seriously disturbed man, Nitty. I laughed my ass off.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one. I was all set to whine about livejournal entries.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It appears he got her penis.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Avals is a jew. He eats babies. That's why he can't compute.
Submitted by m1rl1n (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Possibly the loudest I've laughed in a week.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHA
The reviews make it all worthwhile
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am really stunned that the responses have been serious. The post was a joke, was it not?
I hope so, Damn I laughed like hell.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:19:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Avals... MAKING babies doesn't make you a man. RAISING babies does. Men can run from being fathers. It's easy. Just deny it and leave. It's unfortunate that in this day and age it's such a shock when a man actually steps up to his responsibilities instead of high-tailing it.
he·ro
n. pl. he·roes
1. In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.
2. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life.
Take a look at definition 2. If this isn't courage or nobility of purpose, then nothing is.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
What a load of crap! Changing shitty diapers doesn't make you a man. A real man scoops his enemies' brains out with a spoon and eats them after he kills them, for no another reason than he's a fucking hardass.
Now that's a fucking MAN!
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's hilarious.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:26:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm amazed that people are actually taking this seriously.
People.....it's called sarcasm. Look at the picture.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good luck, but as has been said below, wait until the tests confirms your his father before you pay her anything. She may think he looks like you, you may think he looks like you, but young kids look like a lot of people.
Your family shouldn't be ashamed of you - you made a mistake, you're fixing it in the only way you can.
Once again... good luck.
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats was farking brilliant, I was so into the whole feeling for ya until I saw the picture. Excellent shennigans
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
erm, isn't this a joke? or have i missed something?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking brilliant.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:21:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh good god, man.
That is just awesome. Sick, but awesome. Distrubing, but awesome. Arousing, but awes.......wait, what?
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:20:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's the smallest 2 year kid old I've ever seen.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:19:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Avals... MAKING babies doesn't make you a man. RAISING babies does. Men can run from being fathers. It's easy. Just deny it and leave. It's unfortunate that in this day and age it's such a shock when a man actually steps up to his responsibilities instead of high-tailing it.
he·ro
n. pl. he·roes
1. In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.
2. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life.
Take a look at definition 2. If this isn't courage or nobility of purpose, then nothing is.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nickname him tripod.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does everyone think that raising kids makes you a man?
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
Having kids doesn't make you a man. Enlisting and shooting dozens of people for no better reason than the fact that you're supposed to makes you a man. Killing a man with your bare hands and wearing his face for a hat makes you a man. Not using a fucking condom does NOT make you a man!
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to hope you're joking, but on the chance that you're not, a few words:
1. If you don't think you and your fiancee can withstand this, then you had no business getting married in the first place. Consider it a good thing.
2. You may have a gut feeling, but wait until you get that DNA test before you pay her a dime. I mean really. A bar slut gets pregnant and then, 2 years later, when she realises that babies are expensive and she needs a vacation. What's she do? "Oh yeah... nitty was a nice guy. I bet I could get something out of him!" It's not proven, but it's likely.
3. Your family... it will be hard. And I'm sure you're thinking to yourself "Shoulda used protection, blah, blah blah..." fact of the matter is, by doing what you're doing, you're deserving of respect. It'll be weird, but your parents will be alright. Your sister will be alright. Your dad should look YOU in the eye and say, "Son, you're doing the right thing, and I'm proud of you."
You'll do alright. I have a whole new plan for your portrait now.
Submitted by hobbs (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being a good father is better than being a good boyfriend.
Dont forget to take a few toys for him.
Good luck.
All the best.
Do him right.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She and I have been together for almost 4 years. She's not an idiot. She can do the math. This will most definitely throw a wrench into any plans we're thinking of making for the future. She wants children - her children - not another woman's. I don't think we can withstand this, and then I'll be even more alone than I feel right now.
uh oh.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done. You had me, I was caught, hook line and sinker.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:03:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats just too fucking bad.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin shit goddamn shitty poo poo jerk off...
Here I am reading along thinking this is real and my heart is actually pounding with the thouht of your upcoming situation and the the picture.
Jerk.
Good stuff here.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope the babies penis grows...kinda small now
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-10 11:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rock and a hard place.
best of luck, man. way to take the high road. maybe in 10 years or so, we'll have a nittyjr posting some ubershit too.