Tales of the Rugby House: Jake Fights a Tree (556 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.8 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (View user info) at 2005-06-11 21:13:11 EDT
(Names have been changed to protect the dim-witted.)
My freshman year in college, I began to spend copious amounts of time with the rugby team, because most of the guys on the team are into many of the activities I enjoy: drinking, making fun of most everyone, playing drinking games, singing drinking songs, and just generally having a good time. They're a fun group of guys, but things can get a little rowdy pretty quickly. And frankly, some of them have an extreme lack of self-control, perhaps due to a lack of brain cells from playing too much rugby (or perhaps just practicing, as they got kicked out of their league and weren't actually allowed to play games any more.)
To the story.
One night in particular, the guys were all a little (and by "a little", I mean extremely) riled up. The cause? The keg (and by "keg", I mean keg plus plentiful amounts of liquor) they had bought for John's birthday. I wasn't there when the drinking began (because it began on a Saturday around 10:00 in the morning), so I'm really not sure how certain things got to be the way they were (and by "the way they were", I mean "outrageously out of control" as their neighbor once commented).
When I arrived, I opened the front door and Daniel shot past me down the hallway, yelling something about the beer pong table. To give you an idea of what Dan is like, picture a small, hairy man, with large-ish arms and a big goofy grin like he just got smacked in the face. He's a good guy, but when he drinks he tends to break lamps, doors, bones, etc. I was relatively unconcerned about him at this point, so I continued in to the party going on and said my hello's, got a beer, and sat down to play a couple of games.
Sitting down at the Rugby House can be a bit of an adventure. It's not exactly the cleanest place in the world. They run out of toilet paper often, and you always hear about the creative things they use instead. There was a door in their front hallway that they used to throw knives at. Sometimes when you'd go to find a seat they'd grab your arm and shake their heads at your choice of seating (I never really asked what was wrong with the seats, just accepted it and moved on). I don't think everyone who lived there was actually on the rugby team, and it wasn't always their spot. Nevertheless, it was always called Rugby House.
After a few games things started to get really heated in the little house. Jake had come inside, and some guy who'd come because he knew John (birthday guy) had said something that had made him angry. People tried to calm him down, which was slightly unnecessary as Jake didn't do much besides yell at the walls. Jake is the guy who taught me how to play "caps". Caps is a game the rugby guys invented, in which you place a bottle cap on your bicep and have someone punch you. The game goes back and forth between two people until someone BLEEDS. Most of them have little circular scars that they're all very proud of.
I'm not much of one for huge crowds, so after a little bit I went back to Dan's room, where a few of us played some good drunk super nintendo and had a good laugh.
Until the noise.
There were a few huge shouts that came from the backyard (right outside of Dan's window) and we heard Jake yelling in that incoherent way Catholic priests do, when they're kind of half-singing and half speaking, but much louder. Thinking that he had sobered up enough to actually find the guy who had pissed him off, we all looked around worried. Dan got his "oh shit" look on, which meant that things would probably be broken soon.
I stood up to go out to the backyard to try and calm Jake down, but by the time I turned around to try and grab Dan to get him to go with me, he had BROKEN THE SCREEN AND JUMPED OUT OF THE WINDOW.
I sighed and moved quickly through the house to get out back.
The moment I stepped out the back door, there was a flash of clothing running past me and a noise that was a cross between drunken garbling and really horrifying tribal war cries.
The next thing that happened will almost always be surreal in my memory.
Jake (the blur of clothing) flew through the air in an amazing arc to bring down his enemy. I swear his toes were pointed in perfect ninja style, until he hit the tree he had mis-aimed at and fell like a rag doll to the ground.
I looked around, a little panicked, almost ready to call an ambulance. Dan shrugged and took a sip of his beer, muttered, "That'll calm him down," and went back inside. Most everyone else seemed to be in agreement and went back to their games and drinking.
A few days later when I went back to the Rugby House, there was no trace that Jake had been hurt at all, except for a slight chip in the bark of the 30 foot oak he'd tried to karate.
The score ended:
Tree: 1
Jake: 0
User Reviews
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-12 16:50:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks CanucksFan, that will be remembered in future stories.
I think I use the () so much because my brain tends to think in random tangents.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-06-12 16:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good story but the ( ) really take away from it, its rather distracting
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-06-12 16:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-12 12:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jake drop-kicked a tree?
Well that's just awesome.
Submitted by seduce.a.stranger (user info) at 2005-06-12 01:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"continued in to the party going on" ??
I hate typos. That did not even sound like English when I re-read it.
Also,
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2005-06-11 22:18:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dan sounds like a hooker
That really amused me.
Submitted by scrumdown (user info) at 2005-06-11 22:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dan sounds like a hooker, and rugby antics once lead to me sleeping outside ebracing a tree....my buddies find it ironic and amusing, seeing as how I am both a staunch conservative, and now certifiable tree hugger.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-06-11 21:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:-)