Mike Gerald Tyson: 20 Years of Boxing Greatness...(Well at least 10) (1776 hits)
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Submitted by Habeeb "My Ms Paint Skills are Inpregnable" Thomas (View user info) at 2005-06-13 12:45:08 EDT
"I'm on the Zoloft to keep me from killing y'all."
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As many of you may know, "Iron" Mike Tyson announced he will no longer fight this Saturday. It was a sad sight indeed, a battered Tyson, barely able to get up under his own strengh, getting battered and wailed by a Irish asshole noone has heard of. Tyson's career ended at the end of the 6th round, his trainer refusing to let Tyson continue.
Enuff sentimental jibber jabber and complete sentences.
Mike Tyson is a funny guy
You can argue all you want aboot his boxing skills, or lack of in the last coupla decades, but he had the ability to get you to notice him.
He was one of the original boxing superstars of our generation, and I'm proud of that. The media is already begining thier verbal rapage of this man:
"Mike was a good fighter but he had no heart, and when people were not afraid of him, they beat him. Tyson intimidated people and already had them beaten but without that, he didn't have anything. He was the best in his era but in the 70s, you wouldn't have heard of him. You've never seen Tyson win in adversity because he's been a bully all his life and that's what he tried to be in the ring. People were terrified of this image he had and he ruled the division through fear. Without that fear he didn't have anything"
This is prolly true but when the man was good the man was gooood. He will always be my favorite fighter of all time, and without him i feel the heavy weight division is gonna become really boring. Who knows what he could have made of himself if he woulda stayed outta trouble. He reportedly made 5 million for this fight, but after the IRS and his ex-wife got thier cut, alls he had left was $250,000. Tyson admitted after the fight that his heart is no longer in the boxing game, and was merely tryin to pay the bills. At that moment, I think a great burden was lifted offa his chest. Who knows what the future may hold for Tyson. Mediocricy, trouble, rage, are all possibilities. Mike says he's finnally grown up at the age of 39, and maybe this quote shows this:
"I want to develop my life into missionary (work). I'm not going to be a Jesus freak. But that's what I'm going to give my life to. I love Jesus and I believe in Jesus, too — and I'm a Muslim. Listen, I got a imam, I got a rabbi, I got a priest, I got a reverend — I got 'em all. But I don't want to be holier-than-thou. I want to help everybody and still get some (sex)."''
Oh Mike, you silly goose. The following link is a really well written and touching article about Tyson's career and life- http://www.usatoday.com/sports/boxing/2005-06-02-tyson-saraceno_x.htm.
So withought further ado, here are some of my favorite Tyson quotes:
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-"Every fighter's got a plan until they get hit in the mouth."
-"[He] called me a 'rapist' and a 'recluse.' I'm not a recluse."
-"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"
-"My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."
-"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."
-(on Tyrell Biggs' complaining to him about low blows) "Low blows? Low blows? Huh! Motherfucker you're fittin' to die!"
-"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."
-"There are nine million people who see me in the ring and hate my guts. Most of them are white. That's okay. Just spell my name right."
-"I think the average person thinks I'm a fucking nut and I deserve whatever happens to me. That's what I believe."
-"When you see me smash somebody's skull, you enjoy it."
-"I try to catch him right on the tip of the nose, because I try to push the bone into the brain."
-"Everyone in boxing probably makes out well except for the fighter. He's the only one that's on Skid Row most of the time; he's the only one that everybody just leaves when he loses his mind. He sometimes goes insane, he sometimes goes on the bottle, because it's a highly intensive pressure sport that allows people to just lose it [their self-control]."
-"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."
-"No one gives a fuck about me. No one cares if my children starve, if they're on welfare. I have to support my children. I need more money."
- "I never saw my mother happy with me and proud of me for doing something: She only knew me as being a wild kid running the streets, coming home with new clothes that she knew I didn't pay for. I never got a chance to talk to her or know about her. Professionally, it has no effect, but it's crushing emotionally and personally."
-"I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain."
-[To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."
-"All praise is to Allah, I'll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I'd fight him too."
-"I feel like sometimes that I was born, that I'm not meant for this society because everyone here is a fucking hypocrite. Everybody says they believe in God but they don't do God's work. Everybody counteracts what God is really about. If Jesus was here, do you think Jesus would show me any love? Do you think Jesus would love me? I'm a Muslim, but do you think Jesus would love me ... I think Jesus would have a drink with me and discuss ... why you acting like that? Now, he would be cool. He would talk to me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even ... They'd throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he's coming back to save us. But they don't understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again."
-"I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson!"
-"Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn."
-"There's no one perfect. We're always gonna do that. Jimmy Swaggart is lascivious, Mike Tyson is lascivious -- but we're not criminally, at least I'm not, criminally lascivious. You know what I mean. I may like to fornicate more than other people -- it's just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get sucked off without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail?"
-"At times, I come across as crude or crass, that irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that's who you come to see."
-"Money is my God. If you think God will help you then quit your job and see how much he cares."
-"I'm just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity. I wish I could be Mike who gets an endorsement deal. But you can't make a lie and a truth go together. This country wasn't built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime."
-"I like the British bikes. I like British people. They're real mellow."
-"I don't know what I'm doing. I just live, I guess, get some food. But I don't cook. I go to restaurants every night."
-"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."
-"I just seem to keep buying more and more Bentleys"
-"I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. So every now and then I kick your fucking ass."
-Look at you scared now, you hoe. Scared like a little white pussy. Scared of the real man. I'll fuck you 'til you love me, faggot."
-"I just want to conquer people and their souls."
-"I don't do anything. My life sucks."
-"I'm sorry I let everybody down, I'm fighting just to pay my bills. I don't have the stomach for this anymore...I don't have the desire for it. I feel bad for the people...I wish they could get their money back."
-"You're smart too late and old too soon..."
-"I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian, you know what I mean? I ain't got nuttin' to do or nowhere to go."
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And now here is the Official Habeeb Thomas Mike Tyson Montage...
GO SOX WOO
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP MIKE!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2008-02-27 20:00:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
heavy weight division hasn't been the same.
Submitted by HellRazer (user info) at 2008-02-27 19:25:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike Tysons Punch Out!!! = Best Game Ever
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2008-02-27 18:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
best post evar
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2007-04-03 16:13:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He was one of the original boxing superstars of our generation, and I'm proud of that.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-04-03 15:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
-"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."
RAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1-800-CAWATEETEE
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think everyone just wants to conquer people and their souls.
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-06-17 23:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now those are some quotes to live by!
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-06-17 05:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wanna go to Bolivia too. Damn I luv it when folks try to use big words and end up looking even dumber. rofl.
Try oblivion ya marooooooon.
Evander Holyfield had it all over the one hit wonder.
But, damn tyson had some mean knockouts.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-06-16 00:33:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike Tyson shared his rage with us for a long time.
+2
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-06-16 00:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike Tyson is the epitome of badass.
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-06-16 00:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."
"I have some pain I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. So every now and then I kick your fucking ass."
...and my personal favorite:
"I just want to conquer people and their souls."
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Shamone Mike.... Shamone!
(Habeeb, this is by far my favorite post of yours ever.)
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-06-13 22:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike Tyson is awesome. I like the fact that he's so fucking weird.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-13 20:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goonie goo goo
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-13 18:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I could never beat Mike Tyson.
And I had a hard time getting past Super Macho Man.
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Ha!
Oh Mikey. He was such an unstoppable fighter at first...but I think he was something of a one-trick pony. That trick: hitting a guy really hard in the face with one SOLID fucking shot. He was just so good at darting in, and BAM! Nailing a guy in just the right place. But I think once he started to fight some guys that knew what to watch out for, he didn't have enough other skills to compensate. Plus, he went a little crazy.
Those quotes were friggin' awesome. Thanks 'Beeb.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-13 17:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know you had a keyboard.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have to come back and give a positive rating for this post.
This post contains the most text I've seen from a beeb post in a looooooong time.
(Even if it IS mostly copy/paste)
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sandman was a motherfucker in the original. however in super punch out, he was a puss. i beat that game in 2 days.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Insane One (Beeb or Tyson, your pick)
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Needs taylor ham.
Mike likes taylor ham.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:07:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
007 373 5963
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As a huge punchout fan, I have a level of respect for this bit of recollection that may never be matched in today's civilization.
And I had the most trouble with King Hippo, it took forever to figure out to punch him once in the face and then several times in the gut! I suddenly remember the tendencies and patterns of all the fighters. Greatest game!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-13 15:11:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass Joe was the hardest.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-13 14:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sandman was tough, but for my money, Bald Bull (- the second time you had to fight him) was the toughest fight in the game, or at least tied with Super Macho Man. Stupid Bull Charge.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2005-06-13 14:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always had the most trouble with Mr. Sandman
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-13 14:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LONDON - Katie Holmes says she's converting to the Church of Scientology, embracing the religion of her boyfriend, Tom Cruise.
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a nut.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:44:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I gayruntee all the quotes were said by tyson
do a google search for tyson quotes if ya don't bereave me
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Are these quotes real? I'm fucking bitting my lips and having spasm of laughter here.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed
it is kinda sad
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. i read that link. i feel sad for him.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'll fuck you 'til you love me, faggot."
A fitting tribute to one of the most eloquent men alive.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe that Razor still has that code memorized for Punchout.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:14:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stupid non working link
read it its pretty interesting
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/boxing/2005-06-02-tyson-saraceno_x.htm
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:12:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My brother had a cassette with all Tyson's knockout. It was really awesome to watch all these people being fucked over by this man-beast.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i also like when he got loose with "Scared coward!"
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:08:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Until now I had never heard him say anything except stuff about eating babies and masturbating.
Some of those quotes show some intelligence. Maybe we know which days he took his meds?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
007 373 5963
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:06:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap you used words!!
Don't worry. He'll be back one way or another.
Go irish assholes from my hometown wooooo!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Super Macho Man was actually harder than Tyson, once you knew Tyson's "tells." Watch his eyes, grasshopper, watch his eyes. (Note: That only actually works about half the time.)
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-13 13:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Say what you will, he's a fucking LEGEND.
I still can't believe I just-so-happened to have ordered the Douglas/Tyson fight on Pay-per-view. I couldn't believe that I had shelled out $45 to watch some unknown darky get his ass handed to him by Tyson. And then . . . oh God the humanity . . . Tyson LOST!
One of the most surreal moments of my life. Oddly, another surreal moment came reading some of the quote you've collected here. Some of them actually make Mike seem like he has more in his skull than just an oversized pituitary gland.
But is it wrong to think it's funny that the end of his career was handed to him by a "blue-eyed devil?" Maybe that's just the Irish pride talking.
Submitted by Phi (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:58:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOL!!!11111111
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could never beat Mike Tyson.
And I had a hard time getting past Super Macho Man.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
17th greatest quote ever: "I'll fuck you 'til you love me, faggot." Shamone!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice tribute. http://www.ubersite.com/m/68417
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mike Tyson at his prime was the greatest fighter EVAR!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Real good post, but I have to say this...
Tyson never beat a top tier fighter in his prime.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He's going to die one lonely, poor man.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-06-13 12:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO! Shamone!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61720