My Friends are Idiots Part 2 (766 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.3 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by yermom (View user info) at 2005-06-15 15:28:55 EDT
There's nothing quite like sitting around and thinking about old times, being with friends and having fun. Of course, the times you remember, always seem to involve someone I know doing something stupid. Sometimes it's physical pain, other times; it's just watching them deal with their own shit. Sometimes, more literally than you would imagine.
This brings me to my buddy Paul, we'll call him asshole, because well that's what we called him most of the time, now asshole is a pretty smart kid, he finished school with a business degree on time, and worked doing carpentry work the whole time while he was finishing school.
This however didn't dissuade him from doing incredibly stupid things. I've seen Asshole jump off of buildings, put lit smokes behind his ears, asked people to shoot bottle rockets at him inside his own house, and of course the one man mosh-pit where he managed to break anything in the room with him. These are all funny, and there are probably about a thousand more things I could come up with, but the one thing that stands out in my mind about him, was the fact that he had some issues with shitting.
Now, it's not like he shit himself all the time, but it was known to happen on occasion, I'll even give him the benefit of the doubt, he was usually on site where there weren't working bathrooms, what can you do? The thing is, you would think that he would remember to bring some toilet paper. I can't tell you how many times I've seen him come home with a shirt with no sleeves, because he tore them off to wipe his ass with.
I've heard numerous stories about him having to stop in the middle of the day to buy new boxers because he had to "use them". That still isn't the topper, oh no, not by a long shot.
One day, Paul found himself working at a site with no running water, no toilet, nowhere to shit because the house he was working on was right next to a school yard. Shitting yourself is still better then getting marked as a sexual predator. Anyway in his infinite wisdom he decided that he would just shit in a box for a shop vac his boss had just bought that day.
Long story short, he shat in the box, used his sleeves to wipe up, and tossed the box in the back yard. Sound too easy? You're right, later in the day, his boss stopped by, asking him where the box for the shop vac went. Apparently, it was going back to the store that day.
Asshole had to spend the rest of the day cleaning his own shit out of a box so that his boss could take it back to the store. I don't know how he pulled it off, but somehow he managed to make it work.
Remembering this stuff just kills me, I miss college. If you've got your own stories, please share or linkwhore, I love this kind of stuff.
_______________________________
If you like this, check out the first part.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67184
User Reviews
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-06-15 20:51:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
mildly entertaining though the writing was horrid
Submitted by Harry_Manback (user info) at 2005-06-15 16:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was entertained. Here's one of my favorite college stories:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/54292
Ignore the fact that I was a n00b when I wrote it and pointed the fact out.
Submitted by Recalcitrant (user info) at 2005-06-15 16:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How can one person have so many issues with taking shits?
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is nothing wrong with taking a dump in a box if it's for a good cause.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/64660
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we didn't order sausage!
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you gotta go, you gotta go
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He should just left it in the box, as a 'gift' for the next lucky user of that shop-vac...
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny story.
I've got a pretty sweet college story. Maybe I'll post it tomorrow.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dude, that's fucking sick......but still funny. I like the idea with the sleeves.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-15 15:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ewwwwww