Homeless people like headbanging to Muse (longish) (735 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.92 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Creepy_Guy (View user info) at 2005-06-16 10:53:23 EDT
A little while ago, I went into Saskatoon (the nearest city to which I live) to try and find an X-Box for a good price. At first, I hit every EB Games and Electronic Game Trader store I could find, which in the end proved totally useless, as I'm not rich. This led me to believe that a pawn shop would be my next best bet. The best pawn shops in Saskatoon are located on 20th street.
For those of you who have never been to Saskatoon (which should be just over 99% of you) I'll tell you that 20th street is like something straight out of Hell. In daylight hours, you can find massive amounts of bums, gang members and the more brave of the hookers. When the sun sets, the bums go to sleep and the sidewalks are covered in hookers. Not one or two here, but five to ten person groups of them, standing on the corners, shooting the breeze. It is the sort of place where you can get jumped at high noon for wearing the wrong color shirt. However, this post is about bums, so on with the bums.
I pulled onto 20th and drove around for a bit, checking the various pawn shops for a well priced X-Box, but with little success. I'd nearly come to the end of the street, when out of the corner of my eye, I spot an Electronic Game Traders sign. Pulling up to the parking lot, I see it has bars on the windows and a big sign saying, "If you rob me, I'll fucking shoot you." Subtle.
Walking around to the front of the store, I see a guy (probably mid 40's or so) with long black hair and dirty, worn clothes sitting beside the Game Traders door. He looks at me when I go in, but not much else. I got my X-Box complete with Fable and a controller for $120. I was happy. As I walked out of the store, I see that magically, the bum has come to life and now has a small gathering of people (I'd say about 12-15) watching him. And he's singing.
Bum: Dollars! I want dollars! Anything for a dollar! Listen kiddies!
My Brain: Oh dear. Let's just leave...
Bum: I'm going to sing the theme from 60 Minutes!
My Brain: What? 60 Minutes doesn't have a theme s-
Bum (moving his hands like the hands on the 60 Minutes stopwatch): Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...
At that point, everyone left. No one said anything, just walked away. He looked sad, but kept up his ticking anyway. I went back to my car and brought him $20 and the rest of my lunch. I can't stand to see a bum tick in sadness.
Arriving home, I didn't have time to set up the Box; there was work to be done and a date that evening, so I resigned myself to doing it when I got home, at about 11 pm or so. At that point, I found out that the guy had given me the wrong AV cable, so I got everything in order and prepared to go back the next day.
I arrived at the store about 2 pm and sure enough, the bum was still there. He was sitting in the same spot as the day before and looked at me just like last time, only this time there was a hint of a smile on his face. There was also a beaten up old cd player sitting beside him. I cringed at the sight of it.
The guy gave me the other set of cables without a problem and appologized for it. I asked him about the guy outside and all I got was this:
Video Game Guy: He comes around every day at about 10 am. He stays until sometime after I close up at around 5:30, but after that I don't know where he goes. Sometimes he causes a big fuss outside, but he's a good guy.
I nodded and headed back outside. Sure enough, as I neared the door, I could hear music coming from outside. It sounded like Muse; Stockholm Syndrome, to be exact.
Outside, the bum had another audience, this time closer to 20 people and man, he was dancing hard. Jumping around, bouncing off the wall, the whole bit. It was a one person mosh pit. He was also singing.
Bum (throwing himself against he wall): This...is...the laaaaast tiiiiiime, I'll abaaaaaaaaandon youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The crowd seemed pretty pleased, until the final few lines.
Bum (ripping off his pants): I WISH I COUUUUUUUUULD!!!!!
He started headbanging, wearing no pants or underwear, peener blowing in the wind. Needless to say, everyone left; left the bum to his little game of "shake the monkey for the people." I haven't been back to 20th street since...
User Reviews
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2005-12-20 08:34:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FYI, the Shrike is a character from Dan Simmons' book Hyperion, and the sequels. Fucking amazing to read if you like epic sci-fi sort of stuff.
Submitted by Jimmo (user info) at 2005-12-09 06:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha Ha
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-12-01 02:16:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I FUCKING LOVE MUSE
AND IM HOMELESS
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-11-09 22:13:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaa
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-11-09 21:38:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wher did you go? we miss you!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-08-11 22:36:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-10 10:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What small town in southern scatch are you from?
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-08-10 10:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for muse
+2 for s'toon
+2 for mentioning the tea party in another post
Submitted by myredmirage95 (user info) at 2005-06-16 13:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loooooooooove muse! That bum rocks!
Submitted by taurusfh (user info) at 2005-06-16 12:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Didier (user info) at 2005-06-16 12:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-06-16 12:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know exactly what you mean about 20th, that used to be the joke in my town if you were broke for the weekend, you would have to go and stand on the corner of 20th. ahaha, good post.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-16 11:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rufus!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-06-16 11:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-06-16 11:07:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-16 10:59:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's the guy in the photo?
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Its from this thing called Bumfights, where basically...bums fight other bums. That's pretty much it. The picture actually displayed a lot better when I looked at it; no idea why it went all to hell on here.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-16 11:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If I was a bum I'd be sure to listen to muse.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-16 10:59:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's the guy in the photo?