Micael Jackson's 2005 Battle Plan (1068 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: -0.5 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr J (View user info) at 2005-06-16 20:18:27 EDT
Michael Jackson's 2005 Battle Plan
As reported on Tuesday, June 14, 2005, Michael Jackson, former pop singer and accused child molester, received a "not guilty" verdict on all of: four counts of lewd conduct with a child younger than 14; one count of attempted lewd conduct; four counts of administering alcohol to facilitate child molestation; and one count of conspiracy to commit child abduction, false imprisonment or extortion.
Now, what is next on the agenda for Mr. Jackson? Since he now has a second chance to rule the pop world, as well as young boy's bedrooms, he has developed a new structure for the way he lives his life and the decisions that he makes. Having drunk boys running around, security guards walking in on naked orgies, and telling the media that he "sees nothing wrong with sleeping with children", are now a thing of the past. I am proud to be the first to present to the world, "Michael Jackson's 2005 Battle Plan".
1. Lose the traveling circus in the backyard.
That's right, Michael has decided to rid his pedophiliac life of all the rides, attractions, and midgets in the backyard of his estate. Reason being, he's finally figured out that he no longer needs to please the little boys, nor persuade them to get naked with him anymore. Mr. Jackson knows now that he is much older, bigger, stronger, and smarter than these prepubescents. If he wants some man-boy alone time, by all means, he's now just going to take it, instead of asking. Watch out children, no more Mr. Nice Perv... Shamone!
2. No more giving alcohol to the kids.
All this controversy about fondling drunken children has left Michael outraged. For many nights, he sat all alone and pondered to himself, just how can he incapacitate minors in order to have his way with them, yet not be responsible for intoxicated children running around his estate? The solution finally became clear, simply give them roofies with their milk and cookies. Soon they'll pass out, be put in bed, and he can sneak in much later and indulge in his wildest fantasies. No alcohol, no trouble... win-win.
3. Fire the "snitching" security.
When your very own hired muscle turns against you when you molest young teens, who else can you trust? In search of protecting his own interests, Mr. Jackson has set forth to hire each and every registered child predator within his 10 mile area. Who needs such characteristics as "morals" or "virtues" in a guard when you can just as easily find one who'll keep his mouth shut? Hell, he may also offer a few children to them as a hiring bonus.
As much of a tragedy as it has been for Michael, with being away from his concubines for so long, he is ensuring that proper measures are put in place to prevent future altercations. Expect no more sloppiness to come from Mr. Jackson's corner from this point forward, because child molestation has now been nailed down to an art. With his "2005 Battle Plan" in place, no more untimely, naked, half-nosed situations will rear their ugly head and expose Michael to the ridicule of the media. So without further ado, I offer congratulations to Mr. Michael Jackson, his family, his defensive legal support, and to all the children of America, who have yet to fully appreciate all that Michael has to offer. Good Day.
User Reviews
Submitted by Darshiscool (user info) at 2005-10-19 01:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SUCKS
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-08-28 18:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is that all you got, pussy?
You didn't even get half of them!
I don't think you got the balls to do the rest. I don't think you got the balls to do much of anything.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-17 07:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68491 : wHAT THE REAL mj SAID.
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-06-17 05:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When will the real Michael post again? I want to hear his view on what happened.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-17 04:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think there should be more posts on Michael Jackson!
Submitted by southernmiss (user info) at 2005-06-16 20:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who the hell is Micael Jackson??
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-16 20:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait a minute michael jackson was found innocent?