I'm a black woman now, ok? (hotel story #47,823,754,780) (1345 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.88 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Siren© (View user info) at 2005-06-18 04:33:39 EDT
I'm at work hoping it will be a nice quiet night. Yep, thursdays are easy. No Bridget. Not many check ins. Farmhouse porn. Bosses are gone early... what? So, I'm standing at the front desk doing some ultra important hotel stuff, when in comes this mac-daddy pimp and his two fly honeys.
"Can I get a pen and some paper?" The baller asked.
" Sure. 'Er ya go." I handed him the paper and he took down a phone number.
"Oh, my God!" Marion, my security guard exclaimed. "You're Leon, aren't you?!?!!"
"Yes, ma'am," Leon broke briefly from his cell phone call to reply.
I looked at Marion and her giant grin. Then I looked back at Leon. I was lost. Mr. Leon stepped back outside. Marion looked at me, not understanding why I didn't recognize him."The Temptations?" she suggested, trying to jog my memory. I thought, and surely, had not seen it. "Waiting to Exhale?" She tried again to rustle up a memory. "Marion, are these all black movies?"
She thought a moment, "Oh, yeah... in that case, what about 'Bats?'"
Ding ding ding!!!
"I've seen 'Bats!'" If you've not seen this movie, it's the worst horror movie of all time. "Yeah, he was the token black guy in that."
"My god, that was a bad movie."
So, I IMDBed him and he was also in Cool Runnings and Madonna's 'Like a Prayer' video! He's the black guy in that, too! You know, the one who cries or something...?
Here's his imdb. No pic, though. What a loser. http://imdb.com/name/nm0502442/
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Then a little while later, some other short little nigga comes to the desk and asks if Miguel Nunez is staying here. "Yes, he is. Would you like me to ring his room for you?" He said, "yes" and I directed him to the in-house phone.
When he walked away, Marion said, "Miguel Nunez is here, too!!!??" "Uh, yeah...?" I said.
"'Life' with Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence?" She said, sounding hopeful. "Yeah, I've seen that, but I don't remember much about it." She then explained to me that Mr. Nunez is the man who tries to escape at the end. I'll leave that open in case you all want to watch it now. "Dude! I totally know who that is!!!"
So, the little gangsta came back and said that there was no answer in Mr. Nunez's room, could I please give him a message that The Prezident. I said, "of course," and he left the hotel.
About 10 minutes later, a whole posse rolled up to the hotel in a stretch Hummer. I wondered who I'd be encountering next.
In came Mr. Nunez. "Know who that is, now?" Marion asked. I sure did.
Mr. Nunez walked right up to me.
"Good evening, my sistah." He said it so cool. "Can you believe earlier when I checked in, my buddies and I walked outside to get something to eat and a man was walking by and just spit on me?"
"Ew, that's gross!" I said in an unintentional patronizing manner.
"Yeah, he was just walking by, turned his head and went 'thpppt!' right in my face!"
I giggled like an idiot as he continued.
"I've been thinking about that all day. I keep wondering if my arm is going to shrivel up or something."
Oh Miguel. Such a character.
And he's played many a character on-screen, too. He's had a long running acting career, including *gasp* Slam Dunk Earnest!!! And how many of you have ever seen Jawanna Mann?
Check it out- http://imdb.com/name/nm0639200/
But, the important thing here, Uber, is that a black man- no no... a rich and famous black man called me a 'sistah' which means I am authentically African American, just like I've always wanted.
Black power,
Sirenqwanda Abdul Jones
User Reviews
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-20 17:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sirenqwanda
AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-20 17:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whatever you say, bubeleh...
OMG now you are black and Jewish! - suxxorz 2 B U d00d!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was waiting for that, jgreening. We'll see...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-18 17:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, where is your ghetto booty?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 17:20:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:29:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why you fuckin wif my sistah's post, Brian?
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Furreal, yo? I have to balance that out with a worthless +2. At least you're rating honestly, maybe, which is respectable.
-2DIE
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68821
My somehow Siren-inspired job post.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fo' shizzle, my nizzle
I think is how it goes? I am terminally white and rarely find opportunities to insert "Z's" into my words....... But I must say it is fun!
Can I join you in the "newly black group for dissident white folks"?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why you fuckin wif my sistah's post, Brian?
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-06-18 10:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
stupid nigs. yeah i'll buy one from you swamp donkey, this way you dont have to pay any fees to ebay.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-18 07:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh those silly negros. I wonder if I could sell one on e-bay.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 07:28:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Back off, ya' honkey muthafucka
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-18 07:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The entire crowd at the Academy Awards could come up and slap me in the face and I still wouldn't recognise them. I'm shocking when it comes to recognising who's who in movies.
Oh, and yeah, you're black now...
I suppose that makes you the first negro I'm attracted to. Congratulations.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:36:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna write my "at work" post tonight.
Leon was the main character in Cool Runnings, how could you not recognise him?
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SHALL I REMIND YOU OF THIS?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68742#1390694
fuckin' chillins deese days, sho'
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Afro-sistah siren be turnin' dis nigga' on, fo' sho'.
Damn gurl! You be smokin'
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What do you people know about this?
http://www.laboheme.uk.com/index.html?mid=Fark
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna write my "at work" post tonight.
Leon was the main character in Cool Runnings, how could you not recognise him?
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:23:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:59:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
I still hate you!
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See, this is exactly what I'm talkin' about, mmmm hmmm! *waving finger* Honky, I know you think you's all supr'r to me, but I will not let the white man take me down! *still waving finger*
Sitchass down, 'fo I school you!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 06:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Da' sweeta' da' froot, Sho'!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still hate you!
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:53:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mmm the darker the berry........
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha... Thanks Danger_Ranger.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D_R reviews, and the post dies.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hellllllloooooooooo Beyonce! Yer suxy.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 05:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fo' sho'
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was one ill joke, my man!
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn you rad.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:47:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
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Fo' Drizzle.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EEWWWWWW. That's discusting. Falling out? Ick. Ya, the Shining, or Dirty Pretty Things. I also fear that in one of the rooms, peoples organs are being harvested in exchange for illegal passports.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why, rad?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:47:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've reviwed this! yay!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:44:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, Ducky, I get scared thinking about The Shining here in Baltimore. I can't imagine how creepy a rural hotel would be at night. *shudder.* Of course, I do get my fair share of scary homeless people with teh AIDS coming in asking for matches and to use the bathroom.
I swear, the first night I ever did audit on my own, this dude came to the desk asking for $5 so he could get to the AIDS clinic across town. His eyeball was falling out of his face. Let me repeat that. HIS EYEBALL WAS FALLING OUT.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank christ it's friday.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:41:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...I wish I worked somewhere urban. I'm stuck in this shining-esque hotel on top of a mountain where I'm constantly waiting for blood to come gushing out of the elevator and someone to attack me with an axe. In other related news, guess who's coming to our property? Monsanto, the blood sucking pesticide conglomerate (sp). Now thats impressive. You and your silly actors.
I'm actually jealous. I've never been african-american.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why I insisted on putting this up late on a Friday night. Nobody's gonna read this now! I'll just keep reviewing my own post so it looks like someone's reading it.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fo' shizzle, my nizzle bizzle.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aaaaah snap, yo!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 04:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey now, my sistah from anotha motha.