Kids these days don't know how to have fun (3474 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 1.94 on 72 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Method (View user info) at 2005-06-18 11:28:46 EDT
My family wasn't poor. We had everything we needed; a nice house, three meals a day, clothing, and whatever else was necessary to survive.
We had these things because my parents didn't waste money on stupid unnecessary things. At the time, I hated them for it, but now that I'm a little older, I understand.
Nowadays, I look at kids and see them surrounded by toys, more toys than they could ever know what to do with. Toys that sit unused in boxes, broken toys, toys that a 6 year old probably couldn't even figure out what to do with.
That pisses me off. "Dakota" and "Lance", the darling children of this generation, have no idea what real fun is, and are breastfed on video games and DVD's. Not that I didn't enjoy video games and movies myself,I just didn't have as much access to them as kids do these days.
What happened to playing with friends after school?
What happened to playing football or stickball in the streets with the neighborhood kids?
What happened to READING A FUCKING BOOK?
I had toys. Oh yeah, I had plenty of toys.
THAT I MADE MYSELF.
I had always wanted a Slip & Slide. I wouldn't have dared asking my parents for one, so I decided to make my own.
Ingredients for a Slip & Slide:
- 20 Hefty Garbage bags
- Roll of duct tape
- Hose
- Water
The ass kicking that I received when my parents got home from work for wasting all those trash bags and water was well worth it. Not to mention flattening, flooding, and ruining the grass.
G.I. Joe's?
Yeah, I had a few of those.
2 to be exact.
That's it. No Armored fighting vehicles, no ASSAULT QUAD vehicle w/ GUNG HO figure, no command stations for them to base their operations out of.
My 2 G.I. Joe's, Tunnel Rat and Duke, waged wars nonetheless.
What's that you say? It's not really a war with only 2 G.I. Joe figures?
Nonsense! Here's how to launch a full scaled battle for free in the comfort of your own room
Ingredients for a G.I. Joe Battle:
- 2 G.I. Joes
- Pens (Rocket launchers/Soldiers)
- 4 Paper clips and a rubberband
(if you don't know how to make a grappling hook out of 4 paper clips and a rubberband, fuck off, pussy)
- My sister's "My little pony" fuckers (Cavalry/Cannnon Fodder)
- My sisters "Strawberry Shortcake" doll
(TO THE VICTOR GO THE SPOILS OF WAR. RAPE LOOT AND PILLAGE, MY YOUNG WARRIORS)
- Toothpicks (Soldiers/Guns/Swords/Flaming Arrows)
- Matches (To light said flaming arrows)
- Scissors (I liked to stab things)
- Books. Lots of books. (Colliers Encyclopedia, Volumes AA - ZZ are sufficient to build 2 opposing command centers)
The ass kicking that I received when my parents got home and saw my room looking like a war zone, with burnt and stabbed encylopedias/fortresses everywhere, broken pens, and a pair of scissors dangling from my eye socket, was well worth it.
So you say you have friends, huh? But you're all too poor to buy any toys or sports equipment?
Ingredients for a good old time (When your parents aren't home, ofcourse)
- 2 - 4 friends
- 2 Couches in a room
- A giant jar of pennies that you probably can't lift alone (Come on, you'll have this in your house, especially if you're poor.)
1. Dump the jar of pennies in the middle of the room in a pile, and overturn the couches so that you have some sort of fortresses to hide behind.
**Put the pillows to the side. Pillows are for pussies.**
2. Count to 3 and then bumrush the pile of pennies, trying to grab as many as you can. Feel free to punch the opposing team in the face as often as possible.
3. Run back to your fortress, duck down, and start lobbing pennies at each other with all your might.
Note: If you run out of pennies, try and make sure the other team has run out too, or else you'll be out in the open, getting wailed left and right with pennies as you try and reload.
The ass kicking that I received when my parents got home, saw pennies EVERYWHERE, the ceiling light shattered, three windows cracked, my friend John with his black eye where I caught him squaw with my fist, and the retarded boy Frankie from down the block screaming
"I SWALLOWEDED FIVE PENNIES! I SWALLOWEDED FIVE PENNIES!", was well worth it.
So kids, you see, you don't need rich parents to have fun. Put down your XBOX controller, grab the turkey baster from underneath the sink, fill it with boiling hot water, and shoot the kid next door in the face with it.
You'll thank me when you're older.
P.S. Here's a little freebie. Strap enough bottle rockets to a teenage mutant ninja turtle figure and that fucker will fly right up to the sky.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-11-28 23:56:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember having an 'apple-fight' with my babysitters that involved hurling fist sized, rock hard crab apples at each other. I'm pretty sure that if someone had scored a headshot the victim would've died.
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-11-09 07:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-01 12:31:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nominated for best ever
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88572
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-05-31 12:00:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These kids today, I tell ya... no creativity.
Submitted by penisvonmunchousen (user info) at 2005-10-06 15:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome....
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-06-30 19:01:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The ass kicking I received from my boss for wasting time reading this post was well worth it
"Feel free to punch the opposing team in the face as often as possible."
hahaha
Submitted by Ananda (user info) at 2005-06-28 19:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by toga (user info) at 2005-06-23 21:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-06-19 00:47:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to take my little green army men, cover them in whatever flammable substance I had nearby and play "minefield".
I also broke my Stretch Armstrong using it for tug of war. That goopy shit inside is a bastard to get out of your hair and there's still some mashed into my carpet.
-------------------------------------
You had to cover your army men in explosives? The ones we used you burn on their own. And drop gobs of burning plastic. This made for a nice NAPALM STRATEGIC AIR STRIKE.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-06-23 13:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In my neighborhood (I grew up in the city) like 10-20 of us kids would take a bunch of fake and homemade "guns" and play war. Our boundaries covered pretty much our square mile of neighborhood. It was amazing how you fast a kid can cover a square mile on a bike....
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-23 04:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You rock for making a homemade grapling hook.
When I was little, it was a HUGE deal when my mom and sister and I would make homemade play-doh. Making it took about an hour, then we'd play with it until it dried out about 4 hours later. I can't remember what was in it. I do remember that it was very salty. Yeah, I tasted it. It was gross every time.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-06-23 04:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This brought back memories.
I also remember a more recent time when at band practice we found a large fan at the back of the room. It was pretty easy to get the grill off and get at the blades so we placed it on the floor removed the protective grill switched it on and threw pennies at it. If it managed to hit you it fucking hurt.
Submitted by SimianSidestep (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It amazes me that as a kid a great afternoon consisted of finding two empty wrapping paper rolls in the garbage. Or how an empty can could make a game like, say, 'kick the can' an all night affair. It kills me how unimaginative my niece and nephew can be.
Submitted by Blackhailfire (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin A.
Submitted by alragusa (user info) at 2005-06-21 12:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm also in my mid-20s and I remember those summer days of bike-riding, wiffleball and running to the loacl bodega for icies or junk-food. No bills, women or job to distract us from enjoying life.
Once my friends and I even commited arson! God I miss those days.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG I TOLD YOU SCHLANGE = METHODIOUS
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so happy that I FINALLY made that motherfucking MVA.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-20 14:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to play a game called "rape" with my sisters friends.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-20 13:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On the hillside in back of the development, there was a tiny stream that ran down it.
We used to excavate earthen dams, and then build little stick villages below the dam, and then an 'earthquake' would unleash the dam's contents upon the poor unsuspecting villagers.
I had a GI Joe too - this was back in 1974, the really big old-school ones - sadly, he died at the hands of Viet Cong pyro-torturers...it was a closed-casket funeral.
Submitted by RkaDk2 (user info) at 2005-06-20 08:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was young, my friends and I would take pairs of socks, fill one sock with sand, and stuff that into the other sock. Using those and a pair of garbage can lids we would "joust."
These days, if kids did something like that, somebody'd get sued. It's cheaper to buy 'em the toys than to pay for the lawyers.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-20 08:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got ALL of the ThunderBirds vehicles, but my mom made me Tracy Island a la Blue Peter.
With vanishing swimming pool and everything.
I still read books.
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-06-20 06:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why I'm bringing up my 3 kids good and propper. Prince Michael the 1st, Blanket and the one that is a girl will turn out fine... as long as I don't let them hang out with your kids. Shamone!
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2005-06-20 06:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:38:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stickball? Did you grow up in 1930's Brooklyn?
==================================================
seriously, george. you're like, 26.
NUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-06-19 17:40:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved fridge boxes. It would be a house first, then once the doors and windows started to sag we would get into it and roll each other down hills in it, and then once the sides started to seperate we would surf/sled down hills on the pieces. That used to be a blast.
I also built a bomb out of some old shotgun cartridges and gasoline when I was 6 or so. Didnt blow up, my shoe caught on fire and then I caught a beating.
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-06-19 17:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
- My sisters "Strawberry Shortcake" doll
(TO THE VICTOR GO THE SPOILS OF WAR. RAPE LOOT AND PILLAGE, MY YOUNG WARRIORS)
------------------------------------
and now we see where it all began...
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2005-06-19 15:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about playing Superman?
I tied one end of a beach towel around my neck. That was my cape. Climbed up onto the roof and got a running start. Put my arms straight out...
My Father was a kind man. He didn't kick my ass until after the cast came off.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-19 14:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am the oldest of 2 girls and 2 boys. We always made our own fun.
Of course my younger brothers would give my dolls "wiffle cuts"
(crew cuts) and we would use their action figures as boyfriends
for our barbies.
We didn't have much but we had a blast with what we had.
When my parents went out for a bit we would make forts with
couch pillows and sheets. Then we would take all of our socks, put them
blades of the ceiling fan, turn the fan on, and see who could catch the most
flying socks.
Shoving and punching were perfectly acceptable.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-06-19 11:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-19 10:25:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another troll ruins a good post on a winning streak.
Submitted by MisterMojoRisin (user info) at 2005-06-19 01:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stretch Armstrong! I remember when my brother bought me one of those for Christmas! It was so fun to play with, until I wanted to know what was in his body. My Dad was pissed at me...
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-06-19 01:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It doesn't get any better than a good game of tackle football on the pavement. The best part is that the game never gets boring because it only lasts about three minutes.
And yet, before we started the game, it always sounded like a good idea. At least to my 7-year-old mind.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-06-19 01:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"What's a supernova?"
"I don't know, but if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky!"
Submitted by TheEvilleprechaun (user info) at 2005-06-19 01:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i love stickball...
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-06-19 00:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to take my little green army men, cover them in whatever flammable substance I had nearby and play "minefield".
I also broke my Stretch Armstrong using it for tug of war. That goopy shit inside is a bastard to get out of your hair and there's still some mashed into my carpet.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-18 23:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck you, cock knocker.
MONSTER MAGNET!
Yes, I had one!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-18 22:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Youse guys wanna play Stickball?"
Submitted by Jarik (user info) at 2005-06-18 22:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never forget the total chaos of plastic soldiers and fireworks.
land mines, mortars and the rocketpack squadron rule the skys!
and amazingly, I still have all my fingers and most of my hearing.
great post.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-06-18 22:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe...rather maddox-like, but funnier.
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-06-18 22:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound like my 51 year old dad.
But you're still fucking hilarious.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2005-06-18 21:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:29:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
By the age of two I was a full blown herion addict. By ten I was running an underground syndicte of drug pushers and money counterfiters.
I did my first nickle when I was 11.
At 16 I was released and I killed a man named Laius on the side of some road.
At 17 I met a queen and fucked her deep after answering some fucked up cat riddler.
Then I jerked off into my cats mouth.
-------------------------------
all hail king oedipus
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We used to just roll a tire down the street with a stick. That and hanging niggers.
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:38:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stickball? Did you grow up in 1930's Brooklyn?
-----------
Right along side Lou Gehrig.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah. And summertime? Out of that house ALL F'ING DAY. Roaming all over the neighborhood. Check in at lunch and dinner. No parental paranoia about anything. The good old days.
Submitted by Leroy_Brown (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My first ever review, and I use it to ruin a streak.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In my day we didn't even have houses, spoilt little shit.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stickball? Did you grow up in 1930's Brooklyn?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
By the age of two I was a full blown herion addict. By ten I was running an underground syndicte of drug pushers and money counterfiters.
I did my first nickle when I was 11.
At 16 I was released and I killed a man named Laius on the side of some road.
At 17 I met a queen and fucked her deep after answering some fucked up cat riddler.
Then I jerked off into my cats mouth.
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We used to climb stuff. Trees, garages, lamp posts...
What?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-18 17:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually did the penny thing when I was young...
The family moved out of the house 2 years later, and found something like 6 bucks worth of pennies around the house from that.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-18 16:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har you're old.
...wait...so am I...
Crud.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-18 16:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound almost as old as err.. Me.
-Dave
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-18 16:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
here's what we did when i was a kid: explore the woods, play street hockey, etc.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/57100
we need to hang out
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-06-18 15:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GI Joes? What are those? I had two ball point pens and a cardboard box. If I was lucky, I'd find a used milk carton. Woo hoo! Milk Carton base for Mr. Bic!
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-06-18 15:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"TO THE VICTOR GO THE SPOILS OF WAR. RAPE LOOT AND PILLAGE, MY YOUNG WARRIORS"
hahahaha....YES.
Submitted by WhatDoesThisButtonDo (user info) at 2005-06-18 15:15:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I scratched me cornea once playing "throw the sharp bits of aluminum siding" with the retarded neighbor kid. Good times.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-18 14:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss those days.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 14:26:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah great!
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2005-06-18 14:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd be proud if a kid of mine made a slip and slide. I'd get it a beer.
Submitted by Bushy (user info) at 2005-06-18 13:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
here mother-fucking here!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-06-18 13:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"and a pair of scissors dangling from my eye socket"
nice line. If I could give a 3, I would.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-06-18 13:23:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like a Dana Carvae sketch.
Only funny.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-18 13:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell fucking yea!
I used to stage wars OUTDOORS! I lived in the country. There was a creek that ran nearby. I used to go down there with those little plastic-cast army soldier - you know, the ones that were supposed to stand up but never quite did, so you had to bury their feet under either a pile of socks (indoors) or a pile of dirt (outdoors) just so they would remain at their posts.
I would bury the dead in the dirt and then return the next day to dig them up and start all over again with an army of zombie soldiers.
Boy, then the allies were in real trouble! There was no amount of dirt that could keep them at their posts...
They would all run to the hills to regroup while the zombie soldiers took over their camps. The allies would then have to use woodland weapons to take back their fort and seize victory from the jaws of defeat!
The discovery that a Bic™ flamethrower melted their faces was their greatest breakthrough. And, alas, the day would be won as the zombie army retreated to their shallow graves...never to be heard from again...
...till the next day, that is.
(Good post)
Submitted by GroundHogSlayer (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
those are the greatest pleasures in life
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I spent a shit load of time in the woods building forts for "wars" with the neighborhood kids,and climbing trees to find a quiet place to read.
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Read...I thought you were in your 40s.
Glad to hear that some generation X ers had
to use their imagination...chinaberry seeds when
green and hard are good ammo too. We played in the yard
or woods to avoid the ass kickin.
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, this post brought back some memories.
I remember riding my bike 3 miles to my friend's house to play Atari pong on their 27" TV. I thought I was the SHIT! If I could have seen the future and had a vision of an X Box, I'd probably still be ograsming in my pants.
Submitted by Rads_wife (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally agree. Kids are spoiled these days *flash back to my mom saying the same thing years ago* I remember my brother and I would make forts and have our friends over, it was girls against the boys. "Girls RULE!! Boys drool!!!"
My brother's fort:
He dug a huge underground tunnel with a main gathering area to fit maybe 3-4 people.
My fort:
I got one of the boys who had a crush on me to help me build up around the old chicken coop. I found an old lazy boy in the desert near by, and other furniture. We found a spool for a table and we gated around a small area. We took the watering buckets and built that up around the walls to barricade us in. Also a password protected gate!!!
We would have hose/water gun/water balloon fights, wheel barrow races, sneak attacks, and raids. My prized free furniture was taken on several accounts but it was sure fun getting it back.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-18 12:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember my youth, and it is a miracle I survived each day with the crazy shit we did.
Good post, vey well done.
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe. Kids these days without video games are more likely to make homemade explosives than go out in the street and get some exercise. I know I did. I've kept all my limbs intact and can look back on those days as some of the happiest of my life. Propane propelled potatoes. Model rockets wrapped in chinese fireworks. Simpler times.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:34:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know.
I'm 26, I've got one foot in the grave.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're getting old, Method.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-18 11:32:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can totally imagine some kid doing this.