I come bearing a gift... I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper, and it's not a toaster. (1540 hits)
Category: Politics -> IraqRating: 1.69 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by prophet (View user info) at 2005-06-18 13:54:38 EDT
Once upon a time, many many moons ago (or a year ago minus eight days), I posted my first article on the site that would inevitably consume more of my office time than would meetings, programming, documentation writing or any other activity that could be constituted as deserving of compensation in any way.
Strangely enough, I've not yet been fired from that jaerb.
But this post isn't about me... entirely. It's about my first Ubersite experience.
About my first article, and the response that followed.
About losing my Ubersite virginity and diving head-first into the hot, supple, moist environment that is this Authors' Forum.
*cue warm fuzzies*
Captain's Log: 26-June-2005
http://ubersite.com/m/36793
0906 hrs
I have just finished my morning latte, after arriving to work 45 minutes late and making use of the office plumbing. Having spent the last four months reading Ubersite instead of accomplishing anything worthwhile, I decide to write an article of my own.
1013 hrs
Over an hour has passed to no avail. I try to make conversation with our company's hot young marketing girl with whom I share an office. She is not amused when I share my world record for largest army of paper clip men created on office time.
I should mention that technically, I report to her (and whenever she sees me sitting there using the colored thumbtacks to scrape junk out from under my nails or make crude but nonetheless artistic pictures in the cubicle wall, she reports it to the General Manager like a little bitch). So she's always getting me in trouble when it's obvious that I have spent the entire day alphabetizing the office supplies and food products in the kitchen, or whatever entertained me on that particular day. Ubersite would soon fill that void.
1132 hrs
Two and a half hours after setting to the task, I have managed to ferociously squeeze a story out of the sphincter of my mind, grunting and sweating all the while.
My coworkers are sufficiently confused, and not for the first time since I joined with the company. I made regular habits of showing up to work, say, five hours late dressed only in camouflage briefs and a pair of black boots while covered in green, brown and black paint. Of course, it would hardly be the last time I would confuse the hell out of them either.
1147 hrs
Fifteen minutes later I have pasted the text into the submission window and clicked "Hook me up!"
The post appears. (http://ubersite.com/m/36793)
Though I do not regret the action of submitting my work into the general domain, I immediately both rue and lament it.
Futurama lovers know what I am talking about. Don't like Futurama? Haha, you're a waste of skin, little Billy. Go kill yourself.
1155 hrs
The first comments have arrived on my story about a girl and her military father.
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Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-06-26 11:55:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HISTORY
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And then, only a few seconds later...
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Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-06-26 11:55:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
Mark probably liked to spank Jennifer a lot, the pervert.
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Koolmang, you're so dreamy.
And so it went:
Circe, 12:05:57
Really, really good. Great first post.
Netprophet, 12:10:30
Gee, KoolMang, I don't suppose that -4 had anything to do with me calling you immature in another thread...
Netprophet, 12:11:59
Heh, Circe... you're User ID is 20 away from mine. Looks like we registered at roughly the same time
Circe, 12:13:23
Yes, but I was stupid. "Jump right in and post".. with predictable results.
Netprophet, 12:25:18
What are you talking about? The first post that you had that was negative was the 14th =D
And your last one, which I particularly liked, still has a solid 2!
Circe, 12:45:17
Heh.. no, I just mean my early posts sucked ass like they needed the money.
Ah, Ubersite... you have stolen more hours away from my company than I could ever thank you for.
My first Ubersite friend, Circe, kept me from becoming an embittered troll.
And on the 26th of this month I will be celebrating my 1 year anniversary of posting with Uber members in Michigan.
I guess what I am trying to say, is...
Circe and I are the same user.
Just like Electric and Filthy... or Method and Schlongy.
Now let's all start a Church Sign bandwagon.
www.churchsigngenerator.com
User Reviews
Submitted by XFile (user info) at 2005-06-19 10:18:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/makesign2.php?line1=There+ya+go&line2=a+nice+%2B1
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-19 02:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I fucking HATE it when my alters become self aware. It always happens.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-18 21:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
....................
Nnnnuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrr
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:24:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:19:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, it's just like Star Trek, right down to the Captain's log being set in the future.
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You must have read wrong. It says "Captain's Log: 26-June-2004", despite what anyone and everyone else says.
I AM ABOVE THE LAW!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, it's just like Star Trek, right down to the Captain's log being set in the future.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:50:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JEEEEEOOOOOORRRRRBBBB
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Circe.
Read this review, mister: http://www.ubersite.com/m/68046#1393344
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't wait to go camping.
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-18 17:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-18 17:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I gave someone else a +2 for knowing pi to the 74th decimal, but I meant to give it to you.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-18 16:07:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...and so it begins
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-18 15:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-06-18 15:07:02 (#)
Ranking: 1
Shit! I'm late for Bible study!
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That's okay... all of us on Ubersite are eternally damned without the possibility of redemption.
Savor it.
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-06-18 15:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shit! I'm late for Bible study!
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-18 14:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I admit it.. I'm Deidra's alter.
Oh crap.. hold on a sec.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 14:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's quite the fashion to come out as an altar this week.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2005-06-18 13:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
See you in hell, candy boys!!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Badman