Alcohol, 2000 Cigarettes, and Diversion: What Should Have Been A Livejournal Entry (1501 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.92 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rad™®© (View user info) at 2005-06-18 18:05:57 EDT
It was harder today.
It takes three weeks to form or break a habit, any less than that and the new habit doesn't take hold; there is no deep subconscious desire to perform the act to which you had grown accustomed. Three weeks to train your brain to desire a thing, lifestyle change begins with a simple modulation of habit through a specific process. The process involves a physical alteration of certain neurological receptor sites on specific neurons in your brain. New synaptic pathways are formed; old pathways are shut off and abandoned. When the new pathways are set up, the new habit is easier to accomplish without much active thought.
You want to exercise every day? Force yourself into the gym everyday for three weeks and adhere to a set schedule.
You want to change your diet? For three weeks, set a certain diet and do not deviate from the plan.
You want to quit drinking? Three weeks. That's the start.
---
I had no trouble quitting smoking. None at all.
My first cigarette was smoked by eleven year old Brian in 1990. Marlboro Red. I had snaked the smoogle out of my older (re 16 y/old?) cousin's pack of smokes on a night he was unawares and no parental units occupied the house. I took my new found sense of rebellion onto the swing in the backyard, and lit that puppy up. I managed to get through the entire thing. And yes, I inhaled. The rest of the evening was spent in the fetal position on my bed, throw-up bucket at hand, shivering and shaking with the feeling of a thousand ants crawling across my entire body. The very stench of the cancer stick filled every pore of my existence, and I lay in that bed puking and mewling.
I was a smoker for the next twelve years. Then, one day in my twenty-third year, I decided that I was finished. That was that, no more habit. The first almost month was the hardest to get through without my oral fixation, but I managed.
I am not addicted
---
Today I felt as if I was losing control of my body and brain. I had a voice inside my head screaming for booze; my arms and fists would involuntarily tense up, fighting this sensation. My logical mind, my sense of right and wrong knew better during the entire episode. It was as if there was another inside of me attempting to sabotage what I had started a week ago. I felt that if given a drink right then and there I would have partaken in the sacrament of the alcoholic; loss of control, loss of ability to discern should and should not, loss of self in that sweet bottle. Just another cheap thrill, another return to normalcy, another broken promise; the booze beckoned.
The most difficult time for me is the drive from work to home in the mornings. My habit has been to stop off for a spot at the pub, perhaps purchase a few pints of pilsner, then go home and partake in liquid manna until I slept. This has been the way of things for a while now; it needs to end. I have so much I want to do in this life; I don't need to waste away chasing my dreams down with a beer. I'd prefer the bitter heat of life awakening every nerve over depressing my ability to feel.
It's not so hard to get through a work week without the drink. That isn't the problem.
I used to be a weekend warrior, a binge drinker.
I know it has become more.
I am chasing this through the most difficult of pathways. There is light for me, I know this, but right now I am surrounded by darkness and despair.
Two more weeks.
User Reviews
Submitted by Travisty (user info) at 2005-08-23 13:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-23 01:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
beautiful, darko.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-23 00:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
moonbluenarcotic: who is this?
sarcastic jason: who wants to know?
moonbluenarcotic: from uber
sarcastic jason: darko
moonbluenarcotic: you wanna lick my nuts -o
sarcastic jason: Gladly!
moonbluenarcotic: well
moonbluenarcotic: no
sarcastic jason: aww :'(
moonbluenarcotic: I farted a little bit
sarcastic jason: was it a wet one?
moonbluenarcotic: let me ask my slave
moonbluenarcotic: ok
moonbluenarcotic: who am I?
sarcastic jason: no clue
moonbluenarcotic: if I was your mom would you ctber with me/
sarcastic jason: only if i could be on cyber top
moonbluenarcotic: gross
sarcastic jason: fiiine
sarcastic jason: you can be on top
moonbluenarcotic has signed off at (whatever the hell the date was)
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-22 23:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:16:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Look here guys.
I am paranoid, an alcoholic, and prone to violence.
Don't fuck with me.
******************************
I do believe I will take that advice seriously, tonight.
<tuckstailtight>
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-06-22 10:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good luck.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
moonbluenarcotic: hey fuck you asshead
rad11011979: asshead?
moonbluenarcotic: well
moonbluenarcotic: okay
moonbluenarcotic: ching bang har sung ha
rad11011979: Look, I already know I'm an asshead, you hardly need to tell me.
moonbluenarcotic: well
moonbluenarcotic: okay
rad11011979: did you have anything of consequence to add to this?
moonbluenarcotic: just that I fucked your mom deep in the nose
rad11011979: Steve! How are you doing!
moonbluenarcotic: rad11011979: did you have anything of consequence to add to this?
moonbluenarcotic: just that I fucked your mom deep in the nose
rad11011979: you know, we missed you around the house
moonbluenarcotic: thanks
rad11011979: When are you coming around?
moonbluenarcotic: coupla das
rad11011979: I heard you had a real bad case of herpes
moonbluenarcotic: well
moonbluenarcotic: a little
rad11011979: give it to me in my boi pussy
moonbluenarcotic: um
moonbluenarcotic: bye
moonbluenarcotic signed off at 4:18:43 PM.
rad11011979: bye bye asshole
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look here guys.
I am paranoid, an alcoholic, and prone to violence.
Don't fuck with me.
<typicalcop>
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooooooooooh...... feel the Love.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't get all worked up Rad. I wouldn't want you to run to a bottle or anything....bwahahahahaha
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:36:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you are referring to me I *did* rate this piece honestly. And I'm not a fucker (currently). I wish.
Thanks.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:34:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
look here, both of you fuckers.
If someone rates your post honestly, take it. At least I didn't make a smart assed comment and -2died you.
Jesus, children these days.
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Self-indulgent on many levels. Most can relate, I'm sure.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
probably.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I sense a relapse in your future
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-20 20:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have found, in most cases, a person needs to find a sponser.
The sponser should be someone 'older', and have the same general demographics.
Dialogue should be on a one-to-one basis.
(Forget about the other crap. It's becomming an Industry. Tales of who drank/used the most
"shit" and who fucked up the most in life< Contest.)(Sometimes humorous, but boring.)
Then there's the anonymity problem for some.
And yada yada yada..........
This partial self-projection has been brought to you by:
<anobody>
However I do know, whatever works..................is a good thing.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-20 16:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll drink to that.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-19 15:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey thanks guys.
I almost relapsed last night.
Do you know how hateful it is to sit there doing things like you normally used to do them, but not be able to do what you normally would except things that absolutely need to be done without the other nonsense?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-19 14:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shall be quitting smoking soon since I was told by a neurologist that
I have to be tested for sleep apnea. fuck.
I wish you well on acheiving your goal.
<hugs>
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-19 14:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's okay, Marge. I've learned my lesson. A mountain of sugar is too
much for one man. It's clear now why God portions it out in those
tiny packets, and why he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.
-- Homer Simpson
Lisa's Rival
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-19 09:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-19 06:56:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Banga, you got mail.
Danger, you are a prick.
-----------------------
Oh, I'm sorry, and it's sooooo out-of-character.. -2 - MUHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
... made you look..
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-19 08:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds a little bit too familiar.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-19 08:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*pukes*
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-19 07:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh, good luck and all that.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-19 06:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Banga, you got mail.
Danger, you are a prick.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-19 06:19:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*hic!*
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2005-06-19 05:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you the best of luck. The best I could do was 10 days sober.
That being said, hopefully I'll see you sometime this week.
(314)761-4830 if ya wanna
Banga
Submitted by osirisda26 (user info) at 2005-06-19 03:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since you've made it through a whole week, you're already a stronger man than i.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-19 03:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this neeeeeds more hits.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-19 02:42:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
picture of double bass + boobies.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/65445
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-19 02:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:12:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I played some Vivaldi on my double bass yesterday.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I play/own Selmer Alto+Tenor Saxes.
I can't remember which one, if either, would match your instrument?
9* mouthpieces my favorite on both.
Whoa!
Freestyle Time!
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2005-06-19 00:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It took me 3 weeks to quit killing cops. But then I fell off the wagon only a week later. Fuckin' cops.
Just kidding... I think that joke is overdone now.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-19 00:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
So one massive binge drink every three weeks won't make me an alcoholic, right?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-18 21:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY CHRIST RAD! THE VOTING FOR UBERMADNESS HAS STARTED!!!
VOTE FOR ME! I'LL VOTE FOR YOU!!!!!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like you need a beer.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa. Heavy traffic.
What?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crystle is nothing to me, Hadley. I have a new internet girlfriend, for whom I write very nice poetry.
I am also seeing Pantsarestupid on the side, the side of her house, through a window...
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... and to turn the honey making from a hobby into a viable business proposition.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... and concentrate on his bees.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:19:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad, what's your AIM?
-----------------------
To stop binge drinking, silly girl.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:01:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:51:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, the americunt sudd 'pub'. I am surrounded by empty bottles.
---
I noticed that. Rad are you an altar of an Auzzie/ English person?
Ranger is it early in the morning or late at night for you?
-----------------------------------------------------------
10:18 AM precisely! Err, make that 10:19 AM precisely.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad, what's your AIM?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:51:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, the americunt sudd 'pub'. I am surrounded by empty bottles.
----------------
You have bottles, I have Crystle, fucker.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 20:01:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:51:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, the americunt sudd 'pub'. I am surrounded by empty bottles.
---
I noticed that. Rad are you an altar of an Auzzie/ English person?
Ranger is it early in the morning or late at night for you?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:51:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, the americunt sudd 'pub'. I am surrounded by empty bottles.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:50:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
if only you knew.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:48:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:37:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:27:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:12:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I played some Vivaldi on my double bass yesterday.
----
Sounds like a euphamism.
--------------
How about this.
I ran my bow across this gigantic wooden instrument between my legs, eliciting a deep vibration; sounds of joy caused by this bow, nay, this rod in my hands which I use so well...
---
climatic.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:27:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:12:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I played some Vivaldi on my double bass yesterday.
----
Sounds like a euphamism.
--------------
How about this.
I ran my bow across this gigantic wooden instrument between my legs, eliciting a deep vibration; sounds of joy caused by this bow, nay, this rod in my hands which I use so well...
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:36:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stick to it.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:22:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Was the title Okay, steve?
Mr. I never answer my AIM convos _says
I'm only one man. A man can only do so much.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:12:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
I played some Vivaldi on my double bass yesterday.
----
Sounds like a euphamism.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 19:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I played some Vivaldi on my double bass yesterday.
Submitted by girlintheworld (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:54:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stay strong. You can do it. WOOOO! I read your other post, just never commented on it. Do you play music anymore? What did you play? Arglebarglefuck? OKAY!
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
smoking is bad. smoking makes you cough
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:38:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Rad- I bet you can do this.
It's really interesting what you said about the 3 weeks thing- I'm going to try it with the gym.
I smoked for 10 years and just stopped about 18 months ago (honest truth- fallen off the waggon 3 times since then, but I count myself as a non smoker).
My only advice on giving stuff up is to replace it with something else- change your routine- when I was stopping smoking I had to stop going out drinking for a while because I asociated the two things.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The light is there, it beckens you forth. Let it's unspoken promises of release from the darkness guide you.
Be strong, big man, you can do it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're wonderful, Rad. We all know you'll be just fine. xoxo, and a little gropage of your man boobs too.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:22:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Was the title Okay, steve?
Mr. I never answer my AIM convos _says
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I went to the park last night and played on the swings. Now my back hurts.
That's my livejournal entry for today.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're wonderful, Rad. We all know you'll be just fine. xoxo.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
everyone should be like you.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reference this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/68305
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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