Thailand blows (663 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 1.69 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Santa Claus (View user info) at 2005-06-20 04:23:06 EDT
Thai jails suck. I mean, seriously. What, the Thai can't live without a couple of hookers and a pimp? C'mon, I'm fucking SANTA CLAUS! I can't maybe snap a few necks now and then? I mean, I don't show up and start breaking faces every time one of these squinty eyed bastards eat a baby, so why shouldn't they let a celebrity like me go for once?
I asked the judge that. He got mad.
The lawyer they assigned me was a fucking gook, just like the rest of them. I tried to get rid of him, but there weren't ANY white lawyers in Thailand. The gook fucked up my case, I'm sure. I can't understand any of that gook shit, and the translator had such a thick accent that he might as well not have been there.
One day, the judge read from a piece of paper. The lawyer and translator turned to me, and the translator pointed at me and said: "You... GEELTEE!" I was able to knock out a few teeth and break two ribs before they got me off the translator.
The jails are in some shitty jungle with no electricity and no running water. We got to mill around in a courtyard for a few hours every day. The second day I was there one of the other prisoners came up to me. He must have been a big deal, because the guards looked away, and the prisoners got real quiet. I grabbed a brick off the ground and smashed that little fucker's head off. Nobody bothered me after that.
Shitty food. Literally. They liked to see if we'd eat it. We did. Wanna a bite of this clean bread? Let me stick it through those bars for just a sec- oops, I didn't say you could EAT it! Two days in the isolation pit for you! They loved to put me in there.
Well, some guard was teasing a man in the next cell with bread like they had done to me three nights before. He was standing at the wall that divided the two cells. A nail or a screw or something stuck out about an inch at eye level for the guard, about four feet.
I did what any man would do: I reached through the bars, grabbed the man's head, and banged it against the nail as hard as I could. There was a crunching noise and a lot of blood. I grabbed his keys and was out of there.
I went looking for a hooker.
User Reviews
Submitted by missedthepoint (user info) at 2005-10-22 06:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
geeeelteeee...
haaaahaha
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-20 15:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thailand blows - isn't that why people go there?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-20 09:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a hooker for Christmas fatso.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-06-20 09:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is exactly how i picture santa
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-20 09:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa Claus is cumming to town..
what?
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Such is Life Mr Crinkle.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-20 06:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
God bless you St Nick
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-20 06:50:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... a hooker with internet access?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-20 04:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-20 04:41:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-20 04:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Luck with that Santa!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-20 04:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Santa is free, it's a christmas in June miracle!
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2005-06-20 04:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment