My own brain is trying to kill me (548 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.54 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Ubermadness Willard (View user info) at 2005-06-20 06:40:10 EDT
Its a lazy summer afternoon in my beautiful country college town. The birds are singing. The traffic is lightly passing by on the boulevard known as High Street. I'm sitting on the corner with my university in the distance; eating chicken wings and talking with an unnamed homeless man. I get up and begin to walk down the street, lazily looking into the windows of the shops that line the main drag of the town.
All of a sudden, as I start talking with all the people I meet in the street, I start weezing and snoring. I can't breathe, but yet I continue walking down the street of my small Virgina college town. I feel my face turn red, then purple as I gasp for air, yet I continue to smile and make plesentries.
What's going on here?
I awaken from my dream, and find that my head had fallen between my pillows in such a way that my tounge began to occulde my airway. The snoring noises, that were in my dream, were my own despirate gasps for air.
I've never been a victim of sleep apnea, but I'm assuming when one stops breathing the brain goes "HEY...BREATHE STUPID...I NEED AIR!". But not mine. Mine allows me to lazily continue on my walk in dreamland, while in the present I'm choking to death on my own toungne.
Perhaps my brain has finally had enough of me. Maybe it knows something I don't about the afterlife. It wants to be reincarnated into something useful with someone that will appreciate its full potential. Perhaps its tired of the tobacco and alcohol I pour in myself that eradicates my brain one cell at a time.
Or perhaps its just a reminder of my mortality.
Either way...my brain is trying to kill me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-20 21:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Put forth some effort and give me a reason to vote for you.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-20 15:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Well.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-20 14:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have a Glock....bring it fatman.
I need to stop posting when I"m tired. Damn this sucked.
Submitted by Santa_Claus_ (user info) at 2005-06-20 14:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You should stop worrying about your brain and start worrying about one angry Santa with a knife.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-20 13:18:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmmph.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-20 11:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Even a forefit has a good chance of beating you in UM
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-20 08:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:29:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope to god I get matched against you in the first round.
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Ahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
erm... oooook then.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Blimey
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:29:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope to god I get matched against you in the first round.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think your brain has the right idea for a change.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-20 07:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Is it wrong that I'm on your brain's side?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-20 06:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fat rent-a-cops are automatically disqualified from UberMadness
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-20 06:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You might want to get that checked out.