Di-hydrogen Monoxide Nutrition Facts (843 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.96 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mentor <<I am the walrus, koo koo kachoo>> (View user info) at 2005-06-21 01:17:06 EDT
I was drinking some Aquafina today when I noticed, printed (albeit very small) on the back, "Nutrition Facts:"
Well, let's see here. What's in my Aquafina?
Judging from the nutrition facts, it is 20 ounces or 600mL. I don't know metric, so that might not be right. I'm simply multiplying the serving size by the number of servings. Anyway, one serving is 8 fluid ounces, and there are 2.5 servings in my bottle. WTF? 2.5? Why not two? Why not three? Why must they force me to buy two bottles to keep my record-keeping simple? I can't put 2.5 on my sheet for Daily Values. It's not pretty. I like putting nice whole numbers, just like I like eating nice whole pies.
Anyway, I move on to "Amount Per Serving and Per Bottle:"
Calories: 0, Total Fat: 0g (0% DV), Sodium: 0mg (0% DV), Total Carb, 0g (0% DV), Protein 0g.
So, all the stuff that supposedly went into my water isn't there anymore. But wait! Maybe the nutrition facts don't include all the things that went into making my water! I scan the bottle. Barcode....Please Recycle....HydRo-7....Perfect Taste.....STORE IN A COOL PLACE.....no. No ingredient list. So the nutrition facts are my ingredients. "Fuck!" says I. "There's nothing in my water! I'm drinking nothing!"
The FDA requires nutrition facts and ingredient lists on everything. My water lacks ingredients, so it must not exist. It saddens me to know that I've drank 20+ gallons of imagination over the course of my life. But it must also mean that I have a very good and vivid imagination--my tummy always smiles after downing a bottle of that stuff.
User Reviews
Submitted by NeonBacalao (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
akrofiild: no it is di-hydrogen monoxide because it's only hydrogen oxide if it were i think covalently bonded (I forget...if it were an oxide of something metallic), otherwise if there's more than one of the first atom you put the prefix in and the second one always has a prefix. nice effort tho.
Submitted by paxlaurien (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've frequently noted the same thing to myself while looking at the water bottles.
And I've always called it dihydrogen oxide, myself.
'cause I'm a geek. I think I won a game of "Taboo" once with that.
Submitted by akrofiild (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
its hydrogen oxide
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:34:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It contains water, you dumb shit.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:30:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, a half litre is about a pint.
mmmmmmm
"Gimme a half litre of guinness, barkeep."
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:29:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And, for the record, I do measure my hard alcohol in 750 ml bottles.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cubic feet, cubic inches.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we have fluid ounces.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Half a litre is just a bit smaller than the 600ml bottle the post was talking about. So, if 600 ml is 20 ounces then 500 ml is 16.66 ounces.
We don't have half-litre drinks here though, except for maybe those guarana ones. Red Bull maybe, or Asian green tea. Usually it's the ol' 375ml cans, 600ml bottles and 2Litre bottles of milk.
What's the imperial measurement for volume? Do you have one? Isn't ounces just weight? Oh, I'm ever so confused. The only thing i can think of are cubic feet.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 06:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How much thirst exactly is a half litre going to quench?
thrust, parry, riposte
Submitted by Squijee (user info) at 2005-06-21 06:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd rather half a litre than 0.13 of a gallon.
Thrust, parry.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 06:04:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 05:43:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose it depends on if you are doing maths or doing math.
-=-==-=-=-=-=-==--==-=-
Well, I don't do physic.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 05:45:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just drank 1.89 litres of water.
That does not sound good.
I'd rather a half-gallon than 1.89 litres.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 05:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose it depends on if you are doing maths or doing math.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 05:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no problem using pounds and ounces, inches and feet even if I am from a metric country.
Babies are first weighed in pounds and ounces and if I was to roughly estimate something I would more likely guess in feet and inches rather than metres or centimetres.
I'm more likely to say I'm 6"2" than 183cm or.
In fact I like the imperial measurements for little things like that. But when we need to use measurements in maths, I don't know how anyone can defend the imperial system.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-21 05:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:33:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
fuck you America and your "we can do whatever we goddamn please, and fuck metric in the ass" attitude
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sounds good to me.
And while you're at it, fuck our money too, and become undeveloped.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-06-21 03:27:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
32 feet per second squared
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 03:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-06-21 03:01:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and incase you don't understand why gravity is a bad middle man. Gravity is different depending where you are on earth.
=--=-=-=-=-==--=
It's usually 9.8m/s/s but it makes things easier in physics theory when you just assume you are standing on a spot where it's 10m/s/s .
I don't know what that is in yards or feet or inches or some other outdated medieval American imperial measurement.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-06-21 03:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and incase you don't understand why gravity is a bad middle man. Gravity is different depending where you are on earth.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-06-21 03:00:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:33:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
See the american imperial standard is all well and good if you were born & raised on it, however for everyone else in every other developed country its fucking confusing and impractical.
Why is it that everyone else out here in the rest of the world has long since converted to metric?
becasue imperial is inconvenient and confusing.
fuck you America and your "we can do whatever we goddamn please, and fuck metric in the ass" attitude
____________________________________-
Yeah, well, we learn the metric system in elementary school and I have to say that since living in Japan it makes a fair deal more sense. Except for lbs vs kgs, I think that lbs is better for weight measurement of humans, gives a more accurate reading. Kgs is too general and no one bothers to remember how many kgs and grams they weigh.
Submitted by lordofduct (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ermm, well britain was just as stuborn. They didn't convert until the 60's... Canada didn't convert until the 70's. We here in America attempted back in the 70's but it didn't catch on. We also attempted in the very early 20th century, but it was cut short by a SINGLE vote.
I'm not sure why we aren't there yet, but I would agree we should get there soon. It is reasonable to use a system based on a universal numerical mod. Especially one so easily recognizeable by us humans as "10".
What I don't understand are these people who scream patriotism about the imperial system... but don't realize WHY it's called the imperial system!!! BRITAIN INVENTED IT DUMB ASSES! This kid at my job here says stupid shit like "those stupid brits and their stones and cat tails and eye's of newt to measure feet!". I'm shaking my head, "cat tails???" WTF! They don't even use stones anymore, and stones aren't a measure distance.
Then again, the standard system has a weird measure for weight. As your using a standard of mass to weigh yourself, it has flaws. But then something this flawed is put into action when doing things in science which should be concise and exact. WTF? Nor can you can't really use this as an accurate measure of mass, because it is mass measured weight. (weight is the measure of the force of gravity put on a mass, when measuring mass by scales it is measured by balance of the two objects effected by gravitational force... or in a single sided scale, a balance on some form of tension effected by the force of gravity. Hence the flaw!)
Submitted by MrCoffee (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
See the american imperial standard is all well and good if you were born & raised on it, however for everyone else in every other developed country its fucking confusing and impractical.
Why is it that everyone else out here in the rest of the world has long since converted to metric?
becasue imperial is inconvenient and confusing.
fuck you America and your "we can do whatever we goddamn please, and fuck metric in the ass" attitude
Submitted by GaidinCanuck (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile, for sure. But this post was probably the dummest thing I've read all day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:34:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
These "ounces" and "gallons" are the result of thousands of years of social evolution culminating the Roman standardization of the "standard" system. Bitch, what, I don't give a fuck about your metric. Metric sucks. You can get everything in multiples of ten except time. What did the French try to do with metric? Create a 10-hour day. Did it work? Nope. Because the Standard System is FLEXIBLE, something metric isn't.
LONG LIVE THE AMERICAN STANDARD SYSTEM OF MEASUREMENT!
I'm going to bring back the cubit....
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Standard system is flexible??? WTF? It's a system of measurement. If it's flexible, then it's not a very accurate method, is it?
Just wanted to get that off my chest. I'm done now.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 02:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
METRIC!
10cm cubed of water = 1 kilo = 1 litre
Simple. Easy.
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:34:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
These "ounces" and "gallons" are the result of thousands of years of social evolution culminating the Roman standardization of the "standard" system. Bitch, what, I don't give a fuck about your metric. Metric sucks. You can get everything in multiples of ten except time. What did the French try to do with metric? Create a 10-hour day. Did it work? Nope. Because the Standard System is FLEXIBLE, something metric isn't.
LONG LIVE THE AMERICAN STANDARD SYSTEM OF MEASUREMENT!
I'm going to bring back the cubit....
_________________________________________________________
And plus-fucking-two for that. Son of a bitch, the French suck at everything.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
way to take the pseudo-high-road and make some lame ass sticks and stones defense in response to a random flippant comment like so many insecure internet newcomers have before you
why don't you go overanalyze your diet, instead of stupid forum posts
Submitted by A-Daamage (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had to laugh at the title. Have you seen the Penn and Teller show on Shotime, called Bullshit? They fooled a giant crowd of idiots at some environmental rally with that phrase. BS may be the greatest show ever.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes, DMD...
Owned by the everpresent, as-of-yet-unfunny, wildly original fat comment.
I truly am shivering from the fear of life that has been instilled in me by that comment...
Fucking idiots...
Submitted by Mentor (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These "ounces" and "gallons" are the result of thousands of years of social evolution culminating the Roman standardization of the "standard" system. Bitch, what, I don't give a fuck about your metric. Metric sucks. You can get everything in multiples of ten except time. What did the French try to do with metric? Create a 10-hour day. Did it work? Nope. Because the Standard System is FLEXIBLE, something metric isn't.
LONG LIVE THE AMERICAN STANDARD SYSTEM OF MEASUREMENT!
I'm going to bring back the cubit....
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:25:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:20:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
I hope you've had more than 20 allons in your life...
I've had 20 gallons this month, and I just about stay hydrated...
-----
That's because you're fat
OWNED
Submitted by lordofthedance (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:20:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
I hope you've had more than 20 allons in your life...
I've had 20 gallons this month, and I just about stay hydrated...
-----
That's because you're fat...and what's an "allon"?
Anyway...what are these "ounces" and "gallons" you speak of? Seriously, ever heard of the metric system you retards?
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lewis Black does it better.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
frightningly vapid
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I hope you've had more than 20 allons in your life...
I've had 20 gallons this month, and I just about stay hydrated...
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-21 01:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
get a class action lawsuit going over this & I'll give you a +2.
There is potential...