Fuck Me And the Horse I Rode In On (1135 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.8 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by +The Grifter+ (View user info) at 2005-06-21 07:40:43 EDT
Some people...
have their heads shoved really far up their asses, and that's all I really have to say.
Why is it always the morbidly obese ones? I swear to you, every time I find myself confronted with some new bullshit, it's always coming from someone EXTREMELY LARGE. What the hell is THAT supposed to be?
I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
First of all, I'm un-em-fucking-ployed
AGAIN.
I am "proud" to say that I have never held down a job for longer than 2 months
EVER.
Don't laugh at me because you're no better and you know it.
You only wish you were...
Why do I have to put up with the expectations of my Grandma and Grandpa? Am I supposed to pull presents out of THIN AIR or better yet: MY ASSHOLE? Who the fuck are they anyway? I never asked to be born, and I did NOT ask my fucking grandmother to take me in after my slut of a mother abandoned my sorry ass. I wish that bitch would have just LET ME FUCKING DIE.
Yeah. Let me fucking die. Clearly I do not give a fuck. I'm not exactly grateful for the "opportunity" that they have provided me with. What have I done? What have I accomplished exactly? A two-year stint in the Navy and a couple of ground beef disasters. I have developed an appetite for fetishistic activities that most would say are *sick*, to say the least.
I am sorry and sad and upset and pissed off because I can't make anyone happy. WHAT ARE THEIR EXPECTATIONS? Why don't they just fucking tell me what they want? WHY DON'T THEY JUST FUCKING TELL ME HOW MUCH I SHOULD MAKE THE CHECK OUT FOR? Fucking GOLD DIGGING MOTHERFUCKERS.
I have nothing to give except myself, and for some people that is just NOT good enough. I'm about to give up people. What am I supposed to do? Bust out the finger paints and make some interpretational art with my penis? I heard that Andy Warhol once made some "Piss Paintings". Maybe I should be following that dead ass motherfucker's lead. He became rich and famous. Maybe my PENIS is the key that will unlock the bountiful harvest that I so richly deserve.
SOMEONE IN THIS LIFE HAS GOT TO LOVE ME.
I'm looking for a love without expectations. Is that possible?
I fucking doubt it. I'm so goddamned bitter today. Fuck you all.
User Reviews
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-21 15:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy shit on a stick.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-21 14:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's the matter sweetie, mad because I owned you with my description below? I will spam your posts all day just to make most heated then everyone can see how much of a smacked ass you are.
Oh and please -2 all my posts, I feel jealous of those who have had it happen to them.
I was willing to take the high road here, but since you like in down the dirt road, have it your way.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-21 14:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2005-06-21 12:24:42 (#)
Ranking: -2
Where's the customary "-2 DIE"???
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Sorry, I was washing my hands...
-2DIE CUMGUZZLER
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 14:18:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
RAD...BRAD...WHAT3VER. SHIT IS FORGETTABLE, AND SHIT...
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 14:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
badassmofo and brad1101 are my FANS!
I HAVE FANS!
FANS!
DIEHARD FANS!
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-21 12:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
one post a day, dipshit
Submitted by vodka7tall (user info) at 2005-06-21 12:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where's the customary "-2 DIE"???
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2005-06-21 11:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Dr. Freud recommends a good blow job. Should cure you.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2005-06-21 11:27:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah, because sitting around feeling sorry for yourself has obviously accomplished so much in your life, Jobless Wonder.
I, too, was a "mistake" but I can't blame my mother or absentee father for mistakes I've made myself. You've got two options, bucko: Either load the gun, put it in your mouth and pull the trigger, or get out of your hole and go make something of yourself. Stop looking for someone to hand you everything because you had it "rough".
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-06-21 11:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:28:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
What's lower than "meh"?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muh?
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retaliatory ratings? Please allow me to retort.
Hi everyone I am The Grifter, I chose the name in order to envoke a certain air of mystery about myself as in real life I am uninteresting.
When I write I like to put my conclusion 'Some people...
have their heads shoved really far up their asses, and that's all I really have to say.' in the beginning of my story as opposed to the end. I am a trend setter.
My vocabulary is limited so to add emphasis I will sometimes use words like bullshit, fucking, asshole , and other such pleasantries.
Sometimes my ability to convey elevated emotion lacks so I will type in CAPITOL LETTERS to express this emotion.
I don't have a job and live with my grandparents, what I am looking for is someone to tell all of that is ok as I have a hard time justify my life...to myself.
If I cry emo a little bit maybe some deranged, teenage, goth chick will find my plight interesting and give me sexual pleasure, which I have no intention of returning.
Check back with me later as I am sure my downward spiral of life will continue, look for me at a free clininc or possibly a mental hospital as all the problems in my life will surely crush me.
Cry tears for me Uber, you've never had it this bad.
Peace out AirSTREAM.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll kick the stool out from underneath you, but you are tying that fuckin knot...I always mess that part up and some retard changes his mind about dying!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You want to block me?
*cries EMO tears*
<stillwannatalkshit?>
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Just let the horse fuck you, I don't have time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:08:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You sound like more of a fucking loser than JPeg.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-21 10:06:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+watch me cry my emo tears+
Fucker.
Submitted by Dancingman (user info) at 2005-06-21 09:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
''Bust out the finger paints and make some interpretational art with my penis?'' I'm sorry but that rock's, Airstream 'Mcbain'fool.
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:41:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rad1101 if I could block you from commenting here I would. You're needlessly rude. Also, you obviously take yourelf too seriously. Have a drink and relax.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Go rape a bunny, you'll feel better.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"YOU STILL WANNA TALK SHIT?"
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Übermeh
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's lower than "meh"?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Right now you either are hitting a bong, laughing at this...or pointing a gun to your head. Either way, I don't care
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*sniff *sniff 'my life sucks, it's everyone elses fault, this world is against me, why won't anyone help, why should I grow to be a good man'
Sorry just a cliff note of your post.
Suck it up.
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:08:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was flat like Flat Stanley so that I could slide under doors and so on. Awesome.
You made my day buddy.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:04:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are full of shit.
Your character is flat, and this is not autobiographical.
Submitted by Airstream (user info) at 2005-06-21 08:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:47:25 (#)
Ranking: 0
your character is really flat, two dimensional.
I suggest a little more development, make the audience actually give a rat's ass who you are.
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+I highly doubt that anyone SHOULD "give a rat's ass" who I am.+
I am the product of a "date rape" who was pushed off on my grandparents as an infant. I've repeatedly tried to live independently of grams and gramps, but I'm obviously unable to do so.
I was in love with a morbidly obese woman +[Abby]+ and spent years trying to get her to have my child. (The problem is, I'm shooting blanks and she's maintaining an online relationship with some young naive country boy in Alabama (among others). She tried to tease me with talk of making me her cuckold and personal juice mopper, but so far she's been ALL TALK AND NO ACTION. She continues to humiliate me with her wicked and devilish games, and on some hidden level I think I like it.
Of course now she's giving birth to her second bastard baby in 2 years. And me? Well clearly there are no words to describe the nightmare that I've become.
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I suggest a Buddhist colony in Nepal.
Or perhaps an ice-pick to the temple.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
your character is really flat, two dimensional.
I suggest a little more development, make the audience actually give a rat's ass who you are.
Submitted by Jutsin (user info) at 2005-06-21 07:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone get this guy a gun.
Have you worked at the post office before?