Decisions I don't want to make: Christian (2645 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.49 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ashlee (View user info) at 2005-06-21 16:01:37 EDT
I first met Christian at a party about five years ago, when I was fifteen and he was seventeen. We hit it off and became pretty good friends. We talked about pretty much everything, and learned that we had a lot in common. It didn't take long for us to start flirting, but we knew he would be leaving for college soon, so our relationship didn't escalate past close friends.
We spent his last day in town together. We went to the beach, and then dinner. As was habit, he walked me to the door when he took me home. I hugged him, and when I went to pull away, he pulled me back towards him and kissed me. It was intense; sparks flew, butterflies hurled themselves against the lining of my stomach, and my lips tingled. For the first time, I really felt the chemistry we had, but I didn't know how to handle the situation, so when we broke apart, I muttered something stupid along the lines of "good luck, drive safe" and retreated into the house. The next day, he was gone.
We kept in touch, but as tends to happen, phone calls became more and more sporadic before dying out entirely. I met and married Shawn, and Christian immersed himself in college life. I still thought about him occasionally, but I never seemed to have the time to email or call him.
Nine months passed before Shawn and I split up for the first time. I was in Office Depot looking for a new computer chair when I felt strong arms wrap themselves around my waist. With some effort, I managed to twist my torso around, and found myself looking into the familiar and handsome face of my old friend. My heart jumped, and he loosened his grip on me so I could turn around and hug him properly. We went out for lunch, and spent a bit of time catching up. He had decided, he told me, that he didn't want to be so far from family and friends, so he was in the process of transferring to a school closer to home. We made plans to see each other again, but those plans were broken when I got back together with my husband. Again, life went on.
Fast forward to September 2003, a little over two years later. I was looking forward to starting my new job, and I went in for my first night of training. I was taken to the back to be introduced to my trainer. I saw him first from behind; the athlete's body, the dark hair. He turned, and who else could it be but Christian. We spent a lot more time that night talking about our lives than we did actually training me. It turned out that he was dating another girl that worked with us, and I was a bit jealous, but still happy for him. We quickly reconnected, and I, too, began seeing a fellow employee. The four of us got along pretty well, and Tina and Josh didn't seem at all bothered by the amount of time Christian and I spent together.
I was admittedly less than crushed to learn that Tina and Christian broke up. In odd coincidence, Josh kind of dropped off the radar around the same time, but I wasn't really all that bothered by it. Christian and I were both unattached, and our relationship moved into a strange place somewhere between just friends and dating. Then, one day, he was nearing the end of his shift when I saw the manager approach him and lead him into the office. They were back there for some time before Christian came out. He told me he'd see me later, walked out. I still had two hours left of my shift, which I spent wondering what had happened.
When I left the store, I saw Christian's truck idling outside. He reached over and popped the passenger door, and I got in. Not a word was said as we drove aimlessly around town. Finally, he broke the excruciating silence.
"I think I might have to move, but I'm not sure if I should go or not."
It took me a few confused seconds to process what he'd said, and he spoke again before I had a chance to respond.
"Derek offered me a management position at a store in Miami."
"Take it."
"Didn't take long on that one, did ya?"
"It's a great opportunity. Take it."
We talked a bit more, and let me tell you what, encouraging someone you care about and kind of like seeing every day to move away is a bit of an emotional experience. In the end, he agreed that he should go, and took me back to my car. I kissed him on the cheek and got out of the truck. That was about a year and a half ago, and the last time I saw him.
He called me last night to wish me a happy birthday. I wasn't home, but something in his tone as I listened to the message said to call him back. I did so this morning, and we had a long talk. I told him about everything that had happened since we last spoke, that night in his truck. For some reason, the floodgates opened and I spilled everything. He says I'm totally different; the way I talk, the things I do, my whole attitude has changed. This guy who knows things about me nobody else knows told me he's worried about me. He wants to fix me, he said, only half joking.
He wants me to move there. He has an extra bedroom if I want it and a job for me. He wanted to ask me before he found out about everything, he says, and when I told him about my life, he knew he had to. I believe him. I don't know what to do.
I'm supposed to be calling him back in like an hour. I don't think I'll know what to do then either.
User Reviews
Submitted by Phate (user info) at 2005-06-24 03:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Solve the problem, slit your wrists
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-06-22 23:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yep. 10 days after my 16th birthday to be precise.
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-06-22 23:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go. Friends usually have a better view outside the fish bowl.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-22 22:51:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You got married in 2001? When you were SIXTEEN?? Do I have that right?
Submitted by Didier (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hear you are a bottom feeder, can you confirm? see here for more details: http://www.ubersite.com/m/69028
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:22:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Vicious -
Your reply is exactly the sort of back-and-forth that's going through my mind.
On one hand, I'm pretty sure I'm not ready for this. I'm afraid of leaving the things and people I know and love, especially for something that might not work out. I'm afraid of losing one of the best friends I've ever had because silly Ashlee rushed headlong into something yet again. I'm even a little afraid that he only asked me to come so he could play the knight in shining armor after I finally broke down and cried to him for an hour because I was burned out and tired and lonely and terrified of my life.
On the other, I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and where it is. It's certainly on a lot different path than I had planned out for myself years ago. I'm fucking things up and it's really beginning to scare me. I've let meaningless things take over and it's gotten way out of control. This could be the thing that saves me. I know I seriously need to re-evaluate a lot of things, that I need to bring back the girl I was before I started fucking up, and I don't know if there's a better way to do so than this. I want to not have to feel like I need to act wild just in order to keep hidden what's really going through my mind, and being around one of the few people I can actually let myself be open with might be just what I need.
And on yet another hand, I'm beginning to worry that I have some sort of addiction to men. Is that possible? Maybe I need to join a convent.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-22 09:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go.
"Wait until you're ready for a commitment" "You need to be happy before you make a decision" "You're not at a good place in your life"..... fuck it all. You know what's going to happen if you stay where you are. You'll slowly get adjusted to things, you'll gradually become a happier calmer person, blah blah fucking blah.
You DON'T know what'll happen if you go. Take the road less travelled and give it a shot. You have no kids, you have no responsibilites except to yourself. Take your chance.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-22 09:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wonder what, given a hotel room and an hour and a half, could possibly happen?
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO! you'll so so regret it if you don't, sounds like you're a great match.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You guys have done enough damage to each other over the years. For christs sake go to the poor bastard, he's probably suffering more than you, he's a guy and guy's always suffer worse in the 'unrealised dreams' scenarios.
He won't hurt you and if your woried you'll hurt him, don't be. If you don't go to him you'll hurt him more than you may be able to imagine.
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-06-22 02:02:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Seriously, the only regrets in life are the chances not taken"
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-06-22 01:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Manic, can I IM you??? PLEASE???
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-06-22 01:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:45:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:30:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
----------
Hmmmm.....
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-22 00:53:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Danger.. come camping with me?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69028
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2005-06-22 00:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't do it, it's too close to Shlongy. Oh, and happy birthday.
Why, hullo, Hadley..
http://www.ubersite.com/m/68853
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-22 00:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I fold..
Hadley, you slay me
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-22 00:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If at first you don't succeed, hit on bartenders and Brits. Then decide that someone else may be the one.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why you gotta throw trump in like that Hadley?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude, that's totally not a SPECTACULAR enough hand....
Plus, too much adjusting....
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:51:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they're spectacular
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pair of deuces...
on her chest?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what are you doing now thats so crazy that you can't pack up and go?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Honestly, I'd fold this hand. You're holding the throw-away cards that have the instructions for Go Fish, and can't beat my pair of deuces.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-21 23:13:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Call.
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:30:26 (#)
Ranking: 0
well, you ARE a dirty little cockwhore, aren't you?
You are in something of a quandary.
Buttsecks or oral? I would recommend choosing the one that has more hair around it, make it easier on him.
But, in all seriousness, the choice is not clear cut. There are two sides to every schwartz.
If you decide to go, you are getting away from some of the bad shit you have going on right now that you want to rid yourself of; you also abandon the life you know for a guy.
If you stay, the temptation to be comfortable with what you already have going on will be great, and I don't know that you will be able to overcome it on your own, and it doesn't seem like you have much in the way of emotional support in the direction you are trying to go, or at least claim you are. Sadly, the question of "What if?" will linger, and in time you will convince yourself that you missed out on the greatest thing ever, which probably is not the case- but you'll want it to be, and the mind plays tricks on us all.
If you are honest with yourself, you will realize that you are not in a good state to enter into a relationship. You aren't ready to be committed to someone again, and you owe it to yourself to take enough time to truly become happy with yourself before you bring another person into the picture.
Finally, I tried to be as vague as possible and not REALLY bring up your personal life in front of all these users; however, you wrote the post, I'm just vaguely commenting on it.... so if you blame me for exposing something you didn't want out, then...
BETTER NATE THAN LEVER.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, you ARE a dirty little cockwhore, aren't you?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:25:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-21 20:37:49 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to say go...
Just make sure you remain independant from him. Have an escape plan.
What about Australia?
------------------
I think that was covered by the "breakup."
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-21 21:51:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is a regular ann landers, you cant go wrong with words of wisdom like that!
YOU said it! Buahauahauahahahahaaa etc.
Submitted by capnluckyjack (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:21:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
do it, girl. if it doesn't work out you can always move back, but if you don't go you will be forever wondering "what if?". What have you got to lose.
Good luck.
Submitted by SharkBait (user info) at 2005-06-21 22:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My best friend moved from Amsterdam to Chicago to be with a man she knew for two months. They will celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary next week and have their second child on the way. What if she hadn't taken that chance?
You can always go back home if it doesn't work, but you don't want to live with the "what if." I say that from personal experience. GO! Because I was too scared to do it myself.
And keep us posted. :)
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-21 21:51:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy is a regular ann landers, you cant go wrong with words of wisdom like that!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-21 21:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If you want to hook him in to that Traler Park life of Luxury, I suggest that you learn to enjoy swallowing.
I sure hope that this guy is a better package than the LAST guy you and that fatass whore were "fighting" over.
Another tip from Shlongy.
Submitted by shadowofthedivine (user info) at 2005-06-21 21:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I say do it
s'not like you can't move back if, god forbid, something goes wrong
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-21 20:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:57:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to say go...
Just make sure you remain independant from him. Have an escape plan.
What about Australia?
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go. Travel light.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
emotionally that is
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heres hoping you dont get murdered
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What munkeypants said too.
She's a smart peanut.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-21 19:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING DO IT
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-21 18:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck you, Didier. I wish it was my imagination.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-06-21 18:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He's gonna drive up to visit me next week. We'll see what happens.
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2005-06-21 18:12:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Follow your heart, but plan first with your brain.
The heart is almost never wrong, but the brain is much more suited for getting you to where the heart wants to go.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-21 18:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:56:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
go for it silly!
--------------------------
</voice of reason>
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:40:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
First thing you should do is to blow me. That will help clear your mind, enabling you to make the right decision regarding this other dork.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Shlong,
When you say this OTHER dork...what are you insinuating!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We have a lot in common.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Always choose the path of adventure. Go.
Submitted by Didier (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:56:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Let me tell you a story. I'll try to keep it quick.
I had a best friend named Steve when I was a teenager. He was my boyfriend-at-the-time's best friend. When that boyfriend broke up with me very cruelly, Steve was there. He never made a pass, never got romantic, he was just always there for me. He understood me better than anyone I've ever known. He joined the Air Force when I was 19, and the night he moved to Washington DC, he asked me to come with him. I said no, because my feelings for him were strong, but I wasn't willing to take the chance. I didn't realise how much I loved him until about a year later.
The night he left was the last time I talked to him. He died on 9/11.
When his mother was going through his stuff and packing it away after he died, she found 8 journals... one for every year he'd known me. And they were all filled with his feelings for me, and his fears of telling me how he felt. For the rest of my life, I'll wonder how life could have been if I'd gone with him to Washington.
"What if" is a horrible horrible thing to live with.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
You should write movie scripts. You have a very creative *imagination*.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-21 17:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you should go too, but for a different reason. I'm selfish. I'm already looking forward to the, "I can't believe he fucked me over" post.
Good luck
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should fuck me, and then go from there.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to say go...
Just make sure you remain independant from him. Have an escape plan.
Submitted by CookieLass (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Let me tell you a story. I'll try to keep it quick.
I had a best friend named Steve when I was a teenager. He was my boyfriend-at-the-time's best friend. When that boyfriend broke up with me very cruelly, Steve was there. He never made a pass, never got romantic, he was just always there for me. He understood me better than anyone I've ever known. He joined the Air Force when I was 19, and the night he moved to Washington DC, he asked me to come with him. I said no, because my feelings for him were strong, but I wasn't willing to take the chance. I didn't realise how much I loved him until about a year later.
The night he left was the last time I talked to him. He died on 9/11.
When his mother was going through his stuff and packing it away after he died, she found 8 journals... one for every year he'd known me. And they were all filled with his feelings for me, and his fears of telling me how he felt. For the rest of my life, I'll wonder how life could have been if I'd gone with him to Washington.
"What if" is a horrible horrible thing to live with.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go for it silly!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First thing you should do is to blow me. That will help clear your mind, enabling you to make the right decision regarding this other dork.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go, life is an adventure, live it.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:35:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you need to ride the one-eyed pony first, then see if the offer still stands.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd say go, but come is more fitting seeing how I live here
Miami is an awesome place, much better than Jacksonville.
Seriously, the only regrets in life are the chances not taken
Submitted by Rope (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
GO! Even if it goes tits-up, at least you'll have tried...
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is one of those situations that if you don't go, you will spend the rest of your life wondering about the what If's. I say do it and don't look back! (Good Reads also)
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
take the chance. you don't want to be lying on your death bed 60 years from now, wondering "what if???"
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:07:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Use your own advice.
Take it
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I doubt this will end well if you stay with him.
Moving to be close to someone, especially someone who is giving you a room, and a job, and that you are romantically interested in isn't smart. there is going to be too much pressure on both of you to make this work. Keep in touch with him, or move down and find your own place/job, but don't make a new life around him if you don't know if you are serious.
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
are you still here?
GO GODDAMN IT, GO
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Use your own advice.
Take it
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's supposed to be a torn heart, not a broken one, in case anyone was wondering. I was too lazy to sift through the google image return for a more suitable pic so that's what you get.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-21 16:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Do it. You have nothing to lose.