Lie, Cheat and Steal Yourself an Education (448 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.03 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by midas_child (View user info) at 2005-06-22 08:12:30 EDT
Now I remember the day when I first left that haven of education that is high school to begin my journey onto further education. I had the principal's final speech ringing in my ears.
"Get the fuck out and don't come back you bunch of work shy fops!"
Well that wasn't what he said but would have been more interesting and probably closer to the truth if he had. Instead we got the "You are the future and if you work hard you will succeed" rhetoric which sent our little teenage, hungover minds into sleep mode. However, despite this I still went to university determined to work hard and get ahead of the game. Aspirations of getting up early and attending all my lectures filled my oh so naive head.
That lasted a week.
After which new thoughts filled my head and to attending lectures had sod all to do with them. I had discovered a new bright world of partying, boozing, cavorting and other such words ending in ing. All lectures did was detract from this, however, I still needed to pass my modules to so not to get thrown out of Uni. and continue with me new hobby of testing the limits of the human body for alcohol consumption (apparently it's pretty high). The following is a list of things me or my fun lovin' criminal friends did to keep the dream alive:
Worked a rotation shift that one person would go to the lecture and take notes then pass them to the rest in the group. The flaw came when the actual shift was such a number that out of a class of 30 only about 5 would be there.
Consistently had friends from the years above hand down the assignments they had done the year before and with a few alterations hand them in as our own. Blatant plagiarism in general comes under this particular heading.
Walked into an exam stoned from hash brownies the night before and claim to be suffering from a concussion from a rugby game the day before. Lecturer gave a one week abstinence by which time the questions and answers had been learned.
Went to see the university councillor and convince him that we were depressed at the state of our lives. He took the nervous twitches and shaking to be from stress rather than the DT's from not having a beer all day
Walked into an exam (multiple choice) that was worth half the grade for the module, still drunk from a party the night before and proceeded to make what was thought to be an interesting pattern on the answer sheet. Passed with a mark of 60% (God bless multiple choice!).
Feigned having whiplash from a basketball match to get out of an exam. To sell this the person involved proceeded to walk round uni in a neck brace for about 2 weeks despite being seen most nights in town drinking and dancing without it.
Stole a school stamp (that was what they marked your assignment admissions with to show you had handed it in). Then use it produce receipts for assignments and claim that you had handed in your work on time but the school office must have lost it. Therefore buying yourself about an extra month to finish the assignment and resubmit it. Then when graduating hand it on to younger years to help them through the difficult times ahead.
Swap one section of work already made for the other half that you didn't do. Funny thing with this one was one person got an A the other got a B+ grade on the assignment. (Lecturers go figure!)
Buy your final year dissertation online.
Blatantly plagiarise and use cut and paste techniques to make your final year dissertation (that's the thing you should spend all year researching and writing) in five hours. Then when graduating have you picture taken, to find out that when you return to visit friends the next year, it has been used to make you the face of the university for its recruitment drive to gain more students.
There are more but this has turned into a longer list than I had first anticipated so I'll stop there. The thing being that despite skipping far more classes than we actually ever attended we all passed and got our degrees. We all now have respectable jobs and are doing reasonably well for ourselves in our chosen fields. As one of my friends said to me "I never use what they taught me in class but I use what I learned at uni everyday."
I guess in a way my principal was partly right. We are the future it's just that you don't always have to work hard to succeed.
User Reviews
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A degree is just a peice of paper if an idiot is holding it
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A degree is just a piece of paper anyway, as evidenced by the fact that idiots can hold them.
Society's failure to see this is one of the major problems of our day, with people wasting thousands of dollars so they can get one of these papers saying they've proven their knowledge of things they likely already knew enough about to get a job anyway.
Fuck the status quo. Start a company.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-22 15:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-22 10:41:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
Guess you didn't choose a real major. I'm also pretty sure you won't be able to get away with that in the real world. Try stealing someones work one time and see if you don't get shitcanned.
A degree is just a peice of paper if an idiot is holding it
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Christ, I agree with Adam. The world is coming to an end.
For what its worth, I wish I had done better in undergraduate. True, I did make it to grad school. But it feels a lot better when you get to pick the school, rather than the school picking me.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woman: "Orca! Orca!" "Ohhhh I love the Orca"
Man: "I thought the Humpback was your favorite."
Woman: "I recently changed my mind."
Man: "I thought we established that the Humpback was MY favorite!"
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Congrats!
You're well on your way to becoming a full-time nigger!
Submitted by syzygyzm (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A post about skating through school and still being successful without mentioning Dubya: +2
Hating you for getting away with this while I had to study my ass off: -1
There you go.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I see a bright future for you........behind bars
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ahh, college.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-22 10:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Guess you didn't choose a real major. I'm also pretty sure you won't be able to get away with that in the real world. Try stealing someones work one time and see if you don't get shitcanned.
A degree is just a peice of paper if an idiot is holding it
Submitted by midas_child (user info) at 2005-06-22 09:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I actually was overqualified for the course I took (going by UCAS that is), which was initially Computer Graphics Imaging and Visualisation (Cool name huh?) but I later changed it to Media Technology so I could do more practical work like making presentations, films and things of that nature rather than wall to wall computer programing, which the former involved.
Submitted by Adereterial (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:56:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Say hello to Midas Child, product of the policy of putting more and more people into university, regardless of whether they're actually qualified or not.
People like you make me sick.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm guessing you didn't study English Language...
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:30:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Swap one section of work already made for the other half that you didn't do. Funny thing with this one was one person got an A the other got a B+ grade on the assignment. (Lecturers go figure!)
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It makes you lose confidence eh? Me and another uberuser (Williamson) went to the same high school, and to earn us some extra money we sometimes "helped" some loaded exchange students with their assignments ($100 for an A, $50 for a B etc). We both still did our own assignments separately of course. Not content to just simply help somebody else cheat, Williamson cheated off me too, by getting the assignment I did for my Korean guy and changing it slightly and putting in for the Jap guy. The Korean guy got a B+, the Jap guy got a C- or something. It was almost identical.
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Actually the nipp failed. D-
Best suspension I ever earnt.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chris Evans?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I am guessing you majoerd in something easy or useless or both, like communications.
But, glad you had fun.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, I forgot to rate
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Swap one section of work already made for the other half that you didn't do. Funny thing with this one was one person got an A the other got a B+ grade on the assignment. (Lecturers go figure!)
-----------------------------
It makes you lose confidence eh? Me and another uberuser (Williamson) went to the same high school, and to earn us some extra money we sometimes "helped" some loaded exchange students with their assignments ($100 for an A, $50 for a B etc). We both still did our own assignments separately of course. Not content to just simply help somebody else cheat, Williamson cheated off me too, by getting the assignment I did for my Korean guy and changing it slightly and putting in for the Jap guy. The Korean guy got a B+, the Jap guy got a C- or something. It was almost identical.
Anyway. I just finished my first semester of uni, and I have to say you're right about the sudden lack of resolve (I can partly blame Ubersite for this) but I'm not seeing too much of that social life (I can partly blame Ubersite for this).
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was a fop. Then I could have afectations, I could do that thing where you pat your open mouth and make a 'pop' noise. That would be frickin' awesome!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-22 08:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice work