I'm having a kid. Umm. Hmm...... (506 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.66 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nomad <Drainoe.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-22 11:53:13 EDT
Uber, It has been a long time since I've written here.
I am not happy, nor sad or dismayed to report that my girlfriend is pregnant.
However, allow me to take a moment and express my deepest, most genuine emotions that I have for this most glorious situation.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Alright then. Now that I'm all through with that, I can continue my post.
Okay, I'm having a kid. I'll work three jobs, change shitty diapers - whatever. Because it's my kid.
My girlfriend is not a very nice person, and now I'm facing the fact that I have to deal with her for the rest of my life. Hey, I earned it. You play, you pay. I'm down with that. I just have to decide what type of relationship I want to have with her.
I figure I'll take it easy for a while. But I'm not going to let her push me around. And most importantly, I gotta think about the kid.
I cant have this kid coming up in the middle of some terrible relationship. That does more harm than good. So I'll play it by ear, taking into consideration what I can take and what I wont take.
I'll do everything I can, but it's not totally up to me.
If my kid were to read this someday, he or she should know that I'm looking forward to greeting him when he is born. I'm looking forward to a lot of things. I already love you, and right know you are about the size of a pea.
Mom and I don't get along all the time. But, I'll do everything I can to make it work. No matter what, I'll be there with you.
Besides kiddo, you will be the almighty ruler of the world in about twenty years, so I'm looking forward to that too.
All those of uber pay tribute to my child now, or in twenty years he will find you and STAB YOU IN THE EYE WITH HIS DICK UNTIL YOU DIE!
Really?
No, not really.
But seriously, he'll be pissed and track you down if you do not pay tribute at this time.
I'm going to go smoke a cigarette.
Oh, and junior, don't even thing about lighting up. Do as I say and not as I do!
GO TO TIME OUT NOWWW!
User Reviews
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2006-07-03 14:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Kick her in the stomach untill she bleeds, put the chunks in a shoe box and bury it under a large rock. Problem solved.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-07-03 14:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-07-03 14:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess you died after all...
Submitted by transhuman (user info) at 2005-06-22 20:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:30:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:57:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
this is sad.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coathangar.
nuff said.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
""Oh, yeah, well I mean, I know, she's not always been that way, haha. But she is now. Yeah, she's a good girlfriend. I've learned that sex doesn't really matter. Besides, once she's done with those treatments", at this point I lean in and say quietly to her, "you know, from all that shit you caught from all the guys you've fucked, I'M SURE THERE WILL BE NO REST IN MY SEX LIFE CAUSE EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT I HAVE THE NASTIEST, FREAKIEST SLUT IN ALL OF NEW ENGLAND AS MY GIRL.
CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!"
Then I get up, say, "Nice knowing ya. Next time you find a nice guy, don't treat him like a chump. I'm getting out of here. Have fun at this party, I know you will."
*wink*
And then I walk out the door without another word.
I'm done being a chump. I'm done being used. I'm done being nice. Fuck that shit."
_______
Scott,
Is this THE girlfriend you're referring to?
It better fuckin not be, or i will get on a Greyhound bus and come out there and kick your fuckin STUPID ass!
DEMAND a paternity test.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well. Uh.. I guess it's good you're taking responsibility..
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:57:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
this is sad.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You play, you pay" RIGHT ON.
CONGRATULATIONS.
Mine's the size of a pea too.
with little arm and leg stubs.
and a tail...erm...ok.
Submitted by oberone (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Have you never heard of condoms or the Pill you irresponsible littel shit. ?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good Luck with that.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, I was thinking about you a few days ago. Glad to see you are still with us.
You know what man? Say this to yourself when you are feeling
stressed or in doubt: Don't worry about a thing. Cuz every little thing
is gonna be all right.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
www.eatbabies.com
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:13:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I sense yet another child we all will be paying for, thanks a lot
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:07:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:56:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
abort it pre 20 weeks, serve with rice, parsley sauce optional.
---------------------
yo vomito
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:56:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
abort it pre 20 weeks, serve with rice, parsley sauce optional.
---------------------------
Easier said than done I'm sure. You and your girlfreind will break up, it sounds inevitable, and that will have an effect on the kid. Plan for it, prepare. Remember to be sensetive and kind, try to big him up as much as you can but also be wary that he will be a little shit with no respect and a lot of rage.
This is going to be really, really, really hard on both of you. For the next 30 odd years you are going to be tired, it won't matter how much sleep you get, and your going to be confused as well as frustrated.
Good luck man, stay strong.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
kill her and the unborn. it's the quick route to eternal fame!
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this is sad.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ps
http://Nomad.isagaylord.com/
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Umm... congrats? How you doing, man?
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-22 11:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
abort it pre 20 weeks, serve with rice, parsley sauce optional.