Camping – A 'Funnier' Story (632 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.89 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adwain Parkins (View user info) at 2005-06-22 12:03:46 EDT
*Time Lapse*
So we arrive at Kill Bear Provincial Park in beautiful Ontario Canada. Me and my heterosexual (thought I should throw that in, seeing as this story involves me and another male, alone, in the woods, sleeping together....... Anyway....) friend arrive at the site. First things first, where's the booze!
*Time Lapse*
I get a fantastic idea; let's play 'Century Club'. Now for those of you who do not know what the game 'Century Club' is, this story is not for you, fuck off. One minute goes buy.. Getting kind of bored, two minutes...... Thirty minutes.... One hour, ok I am officially fucked out of my tree.
*Time Lapse* (Involves running and hiding from park narks; aka Ranger Bob; aka 'toy cop'; aka the scum at the bottom of my shower...)....(p.s. if anyone is interested in that story let me know, but it may be one of those... "Ha.. Ha.... Uhhh... yeah, I guess you had to be there" kind of stories..)..(....)
Ok, safe back at our site. For those of you who go camping, in provincial parks, you know there is no real fun or enjoyment from exploring, or hiking the trails or even getting a fired started the old fashion way, because it is all just too easy. A provincial park is a like camping in your backyard. If you take your shit in a toilet, you are not camping.
*Time Lapse*
So naturally, again, we started getting bored.... Wait, I have another idea. An even better, smarter idea! Let's smoke those herbs you brought up! Shit, forgot the papes!. Ok... ummmm.. YES! I printed off directions on how to get here off the internet. There is nothing wrong with using COMPUTER PAPER as papes right? I really shouldn't stop for a second, try to clear my head, and think about the manufacturing process that a piece of thick, bleached white plasticy paper goes thru before I roll a thick juicy J on it? Naaaa, that will only waste valuable smoking time.
*Time Lapse*
After a full night of antics, me and my buddy stumble into our bed / tent. (I just realized all the above was pretty much useless to this story) As my buddy is getting comfortable in bed, I figured it would be a good idea to punch him in the gut. BAD IDEA... He starts struggling to find the zipper to the tent.. barely gets his head out and... BLAHHHHHHH.. hahahahaha, ok, my bad.
*Time Lapse*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, WTF IS THAT!!!!! We awake to some fucking scary ass noises outside. My god, that crazy bitch at the front desk was right. There are bears at Kill Bear, and they are here.. to.. KILL.. US!!! Things start flashing thru my groggy as shit brain.. The chips we left out, the sausage we were cooking that fell into the fire, on the ground, we thru into the forest, the puked inches from our tent. All which we did not think about cleaning up!
My buddy, being way more fucked then I was, decided he is going to go out their, and end this shit with the fucking bear, once and for all. He pulls out the longest hunting knife I have ever seen and proceeds to crawl over me to use the other door.
....................................
Zzzzzzz I'm tired......
......................................
Buddy: "HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA"
Stoned Drunk Asshole: "What the fuck is it?"
Buddy: "Ithzzz sabout fiffteeen Racceens eatin my FUCKING puke.... GETTTTT THEEE FLLUCCKK OUTTA EAR!"
*Time Lapse*
In the morning, I find all the puke, food gone... and my buddy passed out in the forest.
_________________________________
The End.
Aka - flame on.
P.S. I was going to add a picture of me chugging a funnel, but it is to easily Photo Shopped.. haha.
User Reviews
Submitted by Methodius (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My pateince thinned at the first "*time lapse*"
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:11:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
I JUST WANT TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED!
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You're just an idiot.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:49:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
When?
--------
My guess is that you'll say either "Why" "where" or "how" next, thereby showing that you have at least passed 5th grade Engllish, and know the 5 basic question words.
Keep 'em coming.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:39:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
What?
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Don't start, dipshit.
If you notice, I'm one of the few who could give a shit about a few -2's.
You, on the other hand, seem to cry like a little bitch whose kitty cat died every time someone hits you with an honest comment.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:42:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:19:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 Not funny
-1 Not entertaining
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:30:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow Adwain! You rule!
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Lik OMG u is teh sam person.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm simply -2 this, because you find it neccesary to give someone a -2 because they stated that this piece of shit was in fact, a piece of shit.
Grow up, bitch.
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow Adwain! You rule!
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There was this one time at band camp..
Submitted by HillBoyJr (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:15:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
(I just realized all the above was pretty much useless to this story)
about sums it up.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-06-22 13:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woman: "Orca! Orca!" "Ohhhh I love the Orca"
Man: "I thought the Humpback was your favorite."
Woman: "I recently changed my mind."
Man: "I thought we established that the Humpback was MY favorite!"
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
In all honesty, I couldn't read past the second "paragraph".
If your post begins with (or could be paraphrased as) "one time I was SO drunk", back away from the keyboard, shut off the computer, call your ISP and have them cancel immediately. Do you know why drunks find slurred speech and public urination amusing? Because they're drunk. Unless you can convey the experience of slowed perception and relaxed judgement through concrete details, you're going to come across sounding like a babbling wanker, which is exactly what happened here. Actually, make that a stuck-up babbling wanker. "If you don't know about my redneck drinking games, don't read my little posts!"
Even if you had written about something amusing or interesting, your
***time lapse***
writing device made the process of reading the post so irritating that it would have automatically stripped away any possible value.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
So we've established that your friend is hetero, but I can't make the same leap of logic for you. How did he take it, spending the night in a tent with his gay friend?
also:
>>>
Wait, I have another idea. An even better, smarter idea! Let's smoke those herbs you brought up!
>>>
I have to say, if your friend brought the stuff up, I'm assuming he expected to smoke it at some point, so that hardly qualifies as you having an idea.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1 post per day
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"this is my heterosexual life partner, silent bob."
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 Not funny
-1 Not entertaining
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Just what this place needs, more Canadians.
Just kidding man, welcome. You might want to stick to one post per day in the future, though. It gets the kids all riled up if you post more than once a day.
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't think this was really funny.
+1 for effort.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this would have got +2 if it had a picture. And if it was a better story.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stoner
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
beautiful Ontario Canada
----
impossible
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-22 12:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2. you will be punished for this.
http://Adwain.Parkins.isagaylord.com/