The BEST DAY EVAR!!! (517 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.67 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HZRD (View user info) at 2005-06-22 16:33:24 EDT
Grant sat and waited for the receptionist to mispronounce his name to end his waiting in doctor's office hell. He nervously flipped through an old edition of "Money", skimming an article of how he would probably be dumped like old milk by his company by the age of 50. "Wheeee!" he thought, "can life get better than this?"
And it did, after an hour and a half. "Shohne? Grant uh... Shohne?" Jesus, would anyone ever get his name right? It's pronounced just like it's spelled, SHOWN. Grant tossed the enthralling October edition Money down and went into his 8-by-8 waiting room. He waited and waited. He played with the tongue depressor and the ear light thingy. He put his hand down his pants and was about to lay on the teeny examination table until the doctor finally came in like his father, without knocking. Good. Now he could reasonably escape his $150 parking ticket that would be waiting for him @ 4 on the dot.
After leaving the office, his pockets filled with capped yellow and purple pills (HAR HAR!), he got back on 395 and went home. On his way off 395, he happened to try and cut off a 40-something gym teacher with a Harley Davidson sticker on the back of his Chevy mid-sized sedan. Grant wondered why there wasn't a "I'm proud of my idiot football player son" sticker on the back as well. The sweaty bald girl's basketball coach honked angrily from his mighty white Cavalier. Grant tried ease in further but the gym-rope fanatic cut HIM off. Grant gently let a bird fly out of his car. "Fly, fly you valiant dove" he thought. The angry sock-smelling, whistle weilding man with Oakleys pulled two inches further yelled something incoherent (Grant could not hear him over The Offspring's opus "Ignition" blasting out of his kickass Volvo factory speakers) and ended it with "YOU FUCKHEAD!!!" [People with Harleys, or in this case people with bumper stickers that read "MY OTHER CAR IS A HOG" are very ill-tempered and independent, obviously cooler than you or I, who are mere mortals.] Grant smiled, turned toward the passenger side of his car and prepared the biggest shit-eating grin of his young life. He snapped back to the driver's side window, extended his thumbs upward and thrust his arms out the window.
The Sultan of Sweatpants screamed "YOU ASSHOLE!!!" and sped two feet further into traffic. The taxi behind The King of Softball kindly let Grant in.
And that was how Grant had the best day ever!
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-22 18:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Only fags hide behind the International Date Line - Zulu time on this server is Central Daylight Time, therefore it is WEDNESDAY.
Submitted by HZRD (user info) at 2005-06-22 17:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's already SPT in Australia. Plus, it's my hot body, i do what i want.
Submitted by Vix (user info) at 2005-06-22 17:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"My other penis is a vagina"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SPT is TOMORROW, people...
Submitted by ProgramGeek (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't beleive THIS is the guy that just rated my fucking post a -2.. Your terrible.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69084
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-22 16:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet it was.