SPT- What are you Afraid of? (808 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.62 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Ducky (View user info) at 2005-06-23 07:14:30 EDT
Uber, what are you afraid of?
I am not afraid of the things that most people fear. I have no problem with heights...I have thrown myself off of an 80 foot waterfall, torn the ass of my shorts wide open upon impact with the water, and had the back of my thigh look like mottled hamburger meat because I didn't know how to land properly, but I wasn't afraid.
I am not afraid of creepy crawly things...my two closest friends breed bizarre (and sometimes illegal) animals. Snakes, water dragons, Madagascar hissing cockroaches, mice and rats for food, spiders- the list goes on forever. I have had a 12 foot albino boa wrapped around me and felt nothing in the way of fear.
I am not afraid of the dark. My nightlights are there strictly for relaxation purposes I swear to God. Movies don't really do it for me either. Don't get me wrong; I love movies, but not too many really 'scare' me.
I am however, horrified by birds. That's right, birds. Your little budgie will have me screaming bloody murder, hiding in your couch cushions, and crying like a bitch. I visited the Smithsonian Institute a couple of years ago and had a massive episode on the front steps. Those fucking pigeons are NOT my friends. Flying witches all of them. Flap flap flapping, smelling the stench of fear dripping from pores I didn't even know I had with their beady little eyes trained on me, ready to strike at any minute. I was jumping up and down, clapping my hands to scare them away, sobbing uncontrollably, and generally feeling like someone had cast me into the sixth circle of hell. I had to spend the rest of the day in the car.
Then I got a cat. I love my cat. I love that he purrs like a tractor engine and that his markings make me think of a dairy cow. I do not however, appreciate climbing out of the shower and stepping on a gory, blood covered, twitching robin. I swear he gets some sick enjoyment out of my reaction. The hyperventilation. The flailing. The screaming. The slipping. The dull smacking sound of my body making impact with the tiled floor. Fucking cat. I hate my cat.
User Reviews
Submitted by WellFedEthiopian (user info) at 2005-08-06 20:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ironic your name is Ducky.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-08-06 20:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bumble Bees
My dad and I were cleaning a plow that was inside a narrow section of the barn when we discovered that there was a nest of bumble bees inside a tube that ran the length of the plow. He told me to go to the other end and hold a plank of wood over the other end of the tube while he burned the bees with a blowtorch.
Little did I realise, there were holes on the bottom of the tube every foot or so. So of course when he started to fire up those bees, they escaped and I was coated with a layer of fucking bumble bees. I stood sitll as long as possible, and most of them did fly off, but I eventually broke and ran screaming from the barn. I was only stung once, but I could see the bee on my arm and that's when I learned bumble bees don't just sting and leave...
they pump.
Now I jump at the sound of june bugs for christsake.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-08 06:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am mortally afraid of all winged insects because they are so fast and small. You just can't track them. Now with a dog or a liger you can see it moving, you can judge it's mood and if it comes for you you at least have a fighting chance.
With an insect you don't, 'cause you can't track them. One minute it's there fucking around by the curtain and then it's gone. You look around but you can't see it anywhere. It's just gone. You stand up slowly and try to find the little fuck. Suddenly you hear a noise behind you and you spin around, arms raised up to strike like a mantis or ninja! But it's gone, if it was ever there at all.
So you sit down thinking 'why am I such a pussy' when you feel the wind on your neck but the window is not open and you start to think 'oh my God, oh my God' like a sad faced-freaky clown with the tears but they are not there and it is tragic.
So you spin around and smash your expensive plasma sphere into your sock drawer where the fragile glass explodes into a million pieces, and you know you'll be playing russian roulette every morning when you put on a pair of boxers, but you can feel something on your neck, inching it's way up to your ear and your screaming in incoherent terror at this force, this primal thing violating you. you scrabble madly at the side of your head but you can't see anything so you don't know what your doing so you shake your head like a hooker on prom night and the things in your earhole now and you claw at it with your finger and do you know what fucking happens then, do you know? The motherfucker stings you, right in the ear.
Why? What did you want from me you bastard? You just fucking take out my ear for no reason. They can't be reasoned with, they don't feel fear or pity or remorse. They just fuck you and leave you crying and bleeding in the gutter.
That happened to me when I was 3 years old and now I am deformed and lonely. True story.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2005-06-23 17:16:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sharks. Because when they go for you, you're totally out of your element. With a bear, you can fight, run, climb, etc, but with a shark, it just glides up on you like a gun with teeth and they ain't fuckall much you can do about cause you're in deep water. *shudders*
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2005-06-23 12:22:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid of Harry Caray coming back to life and mistaking me for a hot dog.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-23 12:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:17:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it, and it was funny.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-23 10:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm afraid of -2's
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69139
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-06-23 10:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:01:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Spiders
2. Transvestites
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what about 8-legged transvestites?
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hangers
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I breed scorpions and australian dragons.
I have six imperial black scorpions that are only about 1cm long at the moment if anyone wants to give them a good home.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:11:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap! I was going to do this same exact post! Almost... I was also going to ask if anyone had any interesting rare conditions.
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Rare conditions hey? I have a bitchin case of combination skin. I know. Harsh.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid of my son's breathing difficulties.
Oh, and the big bad wolf.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am afraid of anything going warp speed that I can't control the direction or said speed.
This means anything from teacups to roller coasters.
Hell, the "Its a small world" ride at DisneyWorld freaked me out.
This also prevents me from being a passenger in someone's car without a shitload of anxiety.
Especially if the driver is a woman.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
zombies
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-23 09:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid of being forgotten.
Submitted by highlander (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have a phobia about bees and wasps. Hate them! Bastards that they are.
If we could invent a machine that creates honey without bee assistance, I'd be happy for the last 100 bees in existance to be zoo animals.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spiders.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Clowns and bull queers.
Or a combination of both. A highly aggressive queer clown.(Shutter)
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Johnny's in america, low-tech's at the
Wheel
No-one needs anyone, they don't even
Just pretend
Johnny's in america
I'm afraid of americans
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't
Johnny's in america
Johnny wants a brain, johnny wants to
Suck on a coke
Johnny wants a woman, johnny wants
To think of a joke
Johnny's in america
I'm afraid of americans
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't
Johnny's in america
Johnny's in america, johnny looks up at
The stars
Johnny combs his hair and johnny
Wants pussy and cars
Johnny's in america
I'm afraid of americans
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't
Johnny's in america
God is an american
I'm afraid of americans
I'm afraid of the world
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't
I'm afraid of americans
I'm afraid of the words
I'm afraid I can't help it
I'm afraid I can't
Johnny's in america
Johnny's in america
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ducks and transformers
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then I got a cat. I love my cat...
...Fucking cat. I hate my cat.
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Hahaha!!!
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm fine with heights, as long as there is solid material directlt under my feet. I can lean over the edge of a high ledge no problem, but if I have to absail off it I turn to jelly.
I'm also scared of things that fly such as birds and bats. Flightless birds I don't care about.
Anything that can creep up on me without making a noise also freaks me out. ie - Spiders, ninjas and the like.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:11:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap! I was going to do this same exact post! Almost... I was also going to ask if anyone had any interesting rare conditions.
I'm afraid of puppets and loud noises. Not like loud BANGs or anything, but like if there's a loud truck pulled up beside my car, I feel the need to get away because it may be preventing me from hearing something important, like someone saying "Get down, he has a gun!". If that makes sense.
I'm hungry.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Earwigs too, and falling into big deep water. I can swim fine, but what's in there? I don't know! Monsters live in deep water!
Submitted by UberWeiss (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your cat loves you - he clearly senses you don't like birds so in his spare time he goes and kills one for you - look dad, dead bird.
Better than a live one, innit?
Sorry, still getting over a recent shav post.
I'm afraid people will vote -2 on my posts.....other than that I've been lost and alone in the middle of the lowveld with certain knowledge of a leopard in the close vicinity which pretty much cleaned the fear-slate for the rest of my life. I was only eight but I was running around waving my pen-knife around crying my eyes out but clenching my teeth and swearing I'd cut the leopards' balls off when my dad found me....still, a -2....*shudder*
UW
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-06-23 08:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Spiders
2. Transvestites
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's by, not my
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apart from the cock, I also fear:
a) getting my teeth punched in my some random drunk
b) crows
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The following rating has been removed by the FBI, pending further investigation.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SPT- What are you Afraid of?
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Schlongy's reviews
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:51:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and castration.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
earwigs.
and scorpions.
but mostly earwigs.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:35:31 (#)
Ranking: 2
I am afraid transformer really is squattail
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Aren't we all Rad...aren't we all.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously - Spiders. I mean I am a badass...give me a snake I'll catch it and show it to you. Lizards, sharks, large predators...no problems. But a spider, hell shit fire, I lose my breath, I start to get dizzy and have to run out like a little girl. I can handle small ones if seen from afar, but a big ass hairy spider that sneeks, argh (I just got a chill).
Yep spiders, that's me.
Oh, yeah um...that's all bullshit...cause I'm a badass. (nope it's true.)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeh, the reviews would make me lean towards squattail a lot more.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:35:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am afraid transformer really is squattail
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:28:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Being back in the Army. I have nightmares about it. There is nothing more scary than being in a job which 1000 idiots are your boss and you can not quit.
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Same thing except Marines. Hate.
Buy my line, NASTY! http://www.cafepress.com/dizigns
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
animals.
i am afraid every non human creature on this earth except dogs.
Submitted by transformer (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm afraid of daddy's cock
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:28:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Being back in the Army. I have nightmares about it. There is nothing more scary than being in a job which 1000 idiots are your boss and you can not quit.
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Ahahaha- okay, two things.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:32:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm afraid of the future. Civilisation's declining and I'm really worried about where we will be as a people in 50 years.
Lack of control in a system I'm a part of. That scares me.
Submitted by Dancingman (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually swimming in open water, Dervel knows what i mean.........'Bloody Jaws'.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Being back in the Army. I have nightmares about it. There is nothing more scary than being in a job which 1000 idiots are your boss and you can not quit.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:27:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:26:22 (#)
Ranking: 1
Sharks.
That is all.
cause of Jaws i bet.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:27:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
at my last place of employment there be a girl who was terrified of bananas.
and a boy who had a phobia of toothbrushes..?
i'm scared of big preditors, whom i can't fight off, and who are capable of eating me. i don't want to be eaten. even that's not a worry, as i came to the conclusion that as much as i love them, i'll never have a big cat / bear / shark / zombie mole's as a pet.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sharks.
That is all.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pope Benedict XVI
Submitted by Dancingman (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well ducky, being afraid of bird's isn't your fault some point in your life probably when you were a baby a big bird (a ugly one) landed on your face and wouldn't let go for dear life.
I'm not scared of anything either and I know why it's because I don't fear death, I don't see the point I could die any second.
I could be typing awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaao;;ojn
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You fucked up the last line.
Fucking "alien" cats.
IHASF
Submitted by Auron (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fish Tanks.
I can go fishing, and hold my fish in a prize like manner no problem.
But I try to put my hand in any kind of fish tank, my head goes funny and I can't do it.
Fuckin fish tanks.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read it, and it was funny.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-23 07:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The thought of being helpless to do anything.