I'm a (L)user (1171 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 0.7 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kim t <kim_terceira.at.yaho.com> (View user info) at 2003-04-29 16:44:53 EDT
I'm a user.
I have a confession. I am a user. I openly admit to using all of you and I admit to enjoying it! But I kinda feel guilty so
I am trying to make amends by posting something that you all find at the very least, somewhat interesting.
The following is a true story. You may want to look at it as a warning, you may think my story sucked and want to kill me for wasting your time but I'm hoping you may feel sorry for me (or possibly just find my story interesting enough to help you pass some time) and NEVER PICK ME LAST FOR TEAM WARS again.
It all started back in August of 99, I began my first full time office job. At first I was the perfect employee; after about 6 months (enough time for me to gain a little respect in the company and to learn the ropes) I started to get my job down pact and found ways to free up some time during the day. Then business slowed, little lulls in the day started to be big lulls. Nobody was willing to share work and I was starting to become desperate for ways to pass the time.
I soon discovered that there was a form online that you could send to corporate requesting internet access..BLING BLING!!!!
After receiving the authorization things went fine for a while, I (and the other 3 chicks in the office) would go on during breaks or lunch to check my email, shop, find recipes etc...Work was always done, nobody complained, life was good.
Fast forward to late '01
We get a new Zone manager and a new Admin manager. Two total dicks. (whole nother post)
things are slowly starting to change. We are no longer allowed to 'chat' amongst each other in the office. (We are no longer allowed to take a shit without asking permission.) We resort to using our company's email to 'chat' amongst ourselves. We also start using the internet a little more. I ended up finding maddox, bored at work, uber around November '02. Uber & Tucker Max are my new best friends while bored at work. I have to check on these sites numerous times thoughout the day. I thought I was slick. I didn't make it too obvious. I was SO FRIGGEN COOL.
Fast forward to very early January '03
NOT SO FRIGGEN COOL ANYMORE.....
Here's the deal, the district human resources manager shows up late one Tuesday afternoon. We (me and the 3 other chicks) get pulled into the conference room..uh-oh. The guy has this stack, and I'm talking a good 3 inches, of printouts of various sites visited on the web, various emails sent to people outside the company (me and ex employee playing email mad libs, some racy little love notes and fun stuff like that) and the topper, all the emails that I and the other chicks had sent back and forth to each other totally dissing our bosses.
Examples you ask?
"why is he is such a dick today, he must have not got any ass last night"
"what a p*ssy"
"he just brought me in the conference room and bitched at me for......"
"I bet he forgot his xanax"
"Look at his shorts!!! What a dork!!!" The list goes on (and on)
There were also numerous forwards that were very offensive. . It was oh so embarassing. They knew everything, what times we were on, what sites we were on. The lecture was mortifying and our bosses wouldnt look at us for almost a week.
I guess I shouldn't feel that bad about it, seeing that one of the girls was having an affair with a warehouse manager and they constantly emailed each other some really fucked up stuff about how he was going to leave his wife and they often discussed the details of the previous night's romp in the pick up. whore!
So anyway, we had to sign an acknowledgment of the company's email/internet policies (which they update thanks to our branch, yay)
and we got 'verbal warnings'. Thankfully I switched branches since then, though my big fat pile of printed out emails/web pages has followed me in my 'personnel file' things are going pretty well here.
C'est la vie, you live, you learn. So now I come in a couple of minutes early, jump on Uber, open MSWord and go to town with those nifty copy/paste functions.
So there, I've contributed *something* and don't feel like such a (L)user anymore.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-11-04 17:42:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, you should.
Submitted by Shaystar (user info) at 2005-11-04 17:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If someone in my company pulled up any of my internet usage reports, or even just emails sent in this last month, my name would be mud. It's hilarious you didn't get fired.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2005-11-04 17:04:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am worried that my company is going to do that to me, and I would be fucked.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-11 17:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You get a -2 because this was too fucking long. One of the replies to this post made me laugh though -
loki - Hey Bart, maybe we need a panic button that would pull up The Wall Street Journal or something
The funny thing is, loki would get fired because her boss would know that a liberal bitch like loki would never read the WSJ and furthermore it's not written at a 7th grade reading level so she couldn't understand it. Maybe if it was a shit rag like the New York Times that would be more believable. Fuck you loki, you add nothing to this site.
Submitted by d_d (user info) at 2003-08-14 15:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
youre a hottie
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-05-02 16:07:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I get to leave work almost two hours early today. Ha, take that everyone.
Also, everyone have a great weekend and don't do anything i wouldn't do.
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-05-02 15:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kim
I'll do some babbling for you:
--I didn't have a Zip at home to bring in all the pics from the vaca, and didn't want to burn a CD, so I'll have them in on Monday and I'll post a couple.
--I'm leaving work in 20 minutes, and it just started to rain. FUCKING typical. I swear. Maybe I'm being punished for rubbing it in to the Brits earlier the fact that it rains 99.9% of the year there.
--Every now and then today I have been hearing blood curdling screams (male) coming from a few different close-by areas outside. Do you think the fact that I don't even raise an eyebrow has anything to do with being a New Yorker? I wonder.
--God, I'm bored too. I want to sneak out. The next 14.5 minutes is going to take forever. Always seems that way on a Friday. I feel like a kid chomping at the bit 2 minutes before the recess bell rings. It's not like I can start anything new. It takes 5, sometimes 10 minutes to save the kind of files I work on lately. (300+mb, all print-quality graphics).
--I'm going to go see if that new poster Michelle (iknowmynameisstupid) has posted any more stupid shit as of late. That's always good for a laugh.
--Have a great weekend all, hope this didn't make anyone fall asleep other than myself. Yawn.
L
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-05-02 15:38:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck, Scott got busted. Other than the sex stuff, he was great with the math puzzles. Did he say what happened.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-05-02 15:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a coincidence.......we all got a memo in out mailslots this morning...it was a copy of an email to our area manager from our district HR guy stating that the IS guy mentioned to him that there was too much internet activity in our Providence location. He was pretty nice about it and explained that the system they use calculates usage by the amount of time the browser is left open. So a lot of guys here log onto to msnbc or whatnot in the morning and leave it open all day long and occassionally maximize and refresh for updates but the system cannot differentiate the difference between someone sitting online all day long and someone checking the weather or news on a slow period.
The kicker? They stated that if the bottom line did not improve they would post a list showing all of our names, the amount of hours spent on every site visited and number of clicks to boot....then comes corrective action. YIKES
I'm paranoid now. But I can't seem to help myself from checking on Uber. Especially on a Friday!!!
Hey Miss Loren. poor poor Scott. I wonder if his boss was blushing as he read some of his racier posts/comments. I could only imagine what other sites or emails they found! Tell him I feel for him and the embarassement will eventually fade. Well it's Friday, almost time to go...need something to pass the time....how bout a post about your vacation???
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-05-02 09:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to watch it but my friends tire blew out in fort worth. He drives a forerunner with a fott lift and 35 inch tires, and he didn't have a spare that was gonna work on that.TMax said it would be on 20 times in May(I don't know if that was an exageration or not)
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2003-05-02 09:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey Kim.
It's funny you should mention this topic, Scott_ny (responsible for the sexual posts for the most part) was busted yesterday. He emailed me about it, said he was really embarrassed.
I don't know if I have anything to worry about, our IT guy is super nice, and still new, and his boss is so busy I don't think he wastes his time with internet tracking... not to mention I'm in a "senior" position... I don't think I'll be fired for a first offense... but I still worry.
Fuck, my boss just walked up and handed me my check. :-) Thank god for the sun glare on my monitor this morning. Shit.
Loren
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-05-02 08:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit!! sp, I just caught your reply, i missed it!!!!!! Did you get to check it out??? Do tell!
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-05-01 17:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey Kim, the Mtv thin airs tonight!!!!! 10-9 central
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-04-30 10:45:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loki, I know exactly what you mean. I never thought anything of the emailing because I did it for so long. I had emails bounced back to me for inappropriate language etc but I figured it was an automated process.
This is how the shit hit the fan:
There is a whore that worked with me. Her boyfriend also worked there. She liked another guy that worked with us and would secretly email him etc (he was just married and this is not the same couple I referred to in the original post) and they would call each other's extensions and talk dirty to each other or something. Anywho, some way the guys's wife finds out that they are emailing each other at work etc etc so this dickhead doesnt want his wife to leave him so soon and all so he goes to management and claims she is sexually harassing him and the proof is in the company's email files. Great, so the HR guy gets a call and he starts investigating emails between the whore and the dickhead........well that search leads to him seeing all the emails the whore sent to us other chicks in the office and to people out of Graybar...ding ding ding....sirens go off and he starts delving into all of our accounts and finds EVERYTHING. all the nasty jokes, dirty pictures, offensive website links...you name it and he found it. So I think that if the dickhead never went to management about the whore I would still be Ubering all day without the aggravation of new method. I could be wrong, maybe they'd of caught on sooner or later but judging from the circumstances of the past 4 years it's doubful. It just sucks that all this happened right when our email/internet usage was at it's all time high. We looked like such assholes!!! lol
Street, it's me, the same Kim. I am in 100% agreement about the ranking of those stories. Sushi Pants was hilarious. I didnt get to see the MTV thing, though I wanted to check it out. I'm sure it'll be on plenty of times. (I hate MTV) I actually emailed him when he announced he was coming to Boston. We talked about hooking up (not that kiind of hooking up) but I totally wussed out. He cracks me up but he can be CRUEL (in a sick funny kinda way) and I think he is a 3 on a scale of 1-10!
Submitted by PopNFresh (user info) at 2003-04-30 10:09:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm on uber from 1:30 until 4:30 everyday
living in england theres not much update because most of you are tucked away in bed or just waking up to another day in hell .... work sorry
no one seems to mind me being on the net all day - they don't ask and i don't tell them what i do
and i gave up using my work email because once i got a rejected email back from my boss
found out it was an automated response and just used his name - i use my hotmail account now
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-04-30 09:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kim, are you not the same kim that asked how I get away with poking smot at work. If not, she does the same thing as you, she copies and pastes, so she doesn't get caught. I thought it was kind of wierd when Mtv did that TMax thing, I wanted to watch it but I didn't. His last story was pretty forgetable but the one where he went to the gay bar, was hysterical(imo) none of them beat my favorite"famous sushi pants story."
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-04-30 09:36:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At my old job there were two people who dated for a while and then split up. They were dealing with the work thing fine. It was a surprisingly smooth transition. One day one of the guys in tech support told the guy that the girl had been e-mailing her old boyfriend up in NY again and even showed him some printouts of the e-mails. Since he didn't really care anymore, he took the printouts and gave them to her. She went crazy about it and had the tech support guy fired.
That was my wake-up call. They always said that e-mail was not private and blah blah whatever. I didn't really think that anyone would have time to go through everyone's e-mail. After I sent an e-mail to a friend of mine that had the word "ass" in it and it got rejected for "probable non-business content" I started wondering if they had certain net nanny red flags set up on the servers. If I have something really damning to say about the company, I flip over to hotmail just so it won't be on the work server. It's just so damn convenient that its easy to forget that this is not my computer nor is that really my e-mail account.
Hey Bart, maybe we need a panic button that would pull up The Wall Street Journal or something.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-04-30 08:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey SP, I don't know about you but I think TMax has become a little lame lately. He used to make me laugh out lout and now I find his stories are starting to lead toward the 'ok, maybe if i re-read i'll find the funny part?' side. He adds more things to buy with his name on it than he does actual content. I really hope nobody buys that stuff. Though I assume his current situation is a big start toward his original ultimate goal, I think the success has already changed him for the worst. What do you think?
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-04-29 23:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Do you think I'm fakin'
when I'm lyin' next to you?
Do you think that I am blind?
'nothing left for me to lose
Must be somethin on your mind,
Somethin lost and left behind...
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2003-04-29 20:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good post...I tend to visit Uber when I get home...yup, not at work...although I send many non-work related emails during the day.
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2003-04-29 17:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
great sorry.. i am sure.. i'll be getting pulled in to conf call soon enough.
Submitted by streetpunk (user info) at 2003-04-29 17:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kim, you are one of my favorite uberusers. When you said you dated a chubby guy and smoked pot, now you like my 2 favorite sites(tuckermax and uber) You are my hero!!!!!
Peace,
STREETPUNK
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-04-29 17:20:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome to Ubersite, Kimmy. There's popcorn and soda pop in the lobby.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2003-04-29 17:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks Murph, I figured I could count on you for some nice constructive criticism. i still like you.
Submitted by Murphy1844 (user info) at 2003-04-29 17:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You only wish you contributed something. You contributed nothing. You are nothing. Try again.
Just kidding, that sucks. I'd be thankful I still had a job.
Murphy
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2003-04-29 17:00:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I open Uber approximately 20 times or so in an 8 hour work day and i'm ALWAYS looking over my shoulder. We are allowed some online activity when things lull. Most of my co-workers spend thier time playing online billiard games and checking out bikini rating sites. I stick to 'mainly text' pages like Uber and various online newspapers.