Ode to the Toothbrush (1640 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.8 on 69 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rad™®© (View user info) at 2005-06-24 03:34:08 EDT
O Mighty toothbrush, thou purveyor of oral purification
Thou from the poly-plastic package difficult to split
Are pulled, almost dropped if not for careful coordination,
Steaming water from the faucet, are placed under it,
Pestilence-ridden orifice! --O thou
Who shall enter the unknown as an expansive bit
The plaqued 'namel, where it lies sticky and low,
Each like a ruined pearl enclosed by pink, until
Thine magnificent shaft shall be pushed through
Her willing gob with crisp astringent fill
(Driving taste buds like snakes to lie in wait)
With electric cold and cinnamon heat to still—
Modern Tool! Smooth and slick after depuration,
Tounging the rough chips of youthful indescretion.
User Reviews
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-04 16:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i shall print this on a t-shirt
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-04 16:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NERRRRRRRRRRRRRD
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-31 08:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOHOO!!! kewlness - you will, of course, be credited
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-08-31 08:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2005-08-31 08:32:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can i send this to my dentist?
Submitted by Travisty (user info) at 2005-08-23 13:00:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-27 14:24:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ode to a grecian urn was keats.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-27 14:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:30:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:04:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a regular Percy Bysshe Shelley, aren't you?
--------------------------------
How about more like Pablo Neruda? He has a whole "ode to common household items" series-type thing.
____
Well, I was thinking 'Ode to a Grecian Urn', because JonnyX is all about the old school - but your idea works too...
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2005-06-27 14:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very nice. sonnets are hard to do, and youve done surprisingly well, however you lost the handle on the meter there. you should try rewriting this and sticking to iambic pentameter.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-06-25 17:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The greatest invention to ever come out of West Virginia
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2005-06-25 16:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brush my teef.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-25 14:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pffft, what would you rather do, brush your teeth or play videogames?
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2005-06-25 13:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I need to marry you for that voicemail message. My boss even giggled.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-25 13:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, Xcuses was working for me. I couldn't stand having your poem better rated than mine http://www.ubersite.com/m/52990
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-25 08:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLAGIARISED
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-25 08:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I PLAGAIRSED THIS FROM?
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-25 00:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never loved my toothbrush as much as i do now.
I'd love to stay and rate posts all night,, but i need to brush! And pat myself on the back.. sort of.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 16:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:40:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hot-Water Temperature
At what temperature should we set our water heater?
by Dr. Janet Serwint
Set your hot-water heater at 120°F. Since 88 percent of all fatal burns to children occur in the bathtub, it is essential that the temperature not go higher. A difference of, say, 20-plus degrees will put your youngster in jeopardy: A child's skin will scald in three minutes at 120°F, but in two seconds at 140°F.
Also, at 120°F water will kill bacteria on dishes and clothes. By lowering the temperature, you'll lower your utility bill as well.
Janet Serwint, M.D. is a general pediatrician at the Johns Hopkins Children's Center.
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/parents/advice/article.php?contentId=681&
-----
and my husband thinks I am wasting time on the Internet all the time. I'm learning AND having fun.
Rad: I stand corrected.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad, will you give me a private poetry reading?
*wink, wink, nudge, nudge, boner, boner*
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More Shelley, stylistically.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hot-Water Temperature
At what temperature should we set our water heater?
by Dr. Janet Serwint
Set your hot-water heater at 120°F. Since 88 percent of all fatal burns to children occur in the bathtub, it is essential that the temperature not go higher. A difference of, say, 20-plus degrees will put your youngster in jeopardy: A child's skin will scald in three minutes at 120°F, but in two seconds at 140°F.
Also, at 120°F water will kill bacteria on dishes and clothes. By lowering the temperature, you'll lower your utility bill as well.
Janet Serwint, M.D. is a general pediatrician at the Johns Hopkins Children's Center.
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/parents/advice/article.php?contentId=681&
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:04:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a regular Percy Bysshe Shelley, aren't you?
--------------------------------
How about more like Pablo Neruda? He has a whole "ode to common household items" series-type thing.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:26:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
170ºF water out of the tap?
Probably kills most of the bacteria.
---
I'm not a scientist, so someone can horrect me- I thought bacteria breed faster if it is warm, and you need very hot (i.e. boiling) water to kill them.
I bet someoene on Uber knows this!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:26:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
170ºF water out of the tap?
Probably kills most of the bacteria.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 11:21:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you kidding me?
How do you sterilize the brush prior to brushing?
You run it under the hot tap.
----
surely only boliling water sterilises? Normal hot water is the same as cold, but less fresh, plus hot water has been sitting around in the tank and being heated up longer. and that.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JohnnyX, how did you know?
I plagairised this almost directly.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a regular Percy Bysshe Shelley, aren't you?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
look man, if you don't like to read, why do you hang around here?
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-24 13:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I better bring my guns and knives...
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 13:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Xcuses, you just knocked my poem off the best ever poem page.
I hate you for it.
I am going to have someone do something very bad to you this weekend.
FEAR
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-24 13:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:45:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't decided.
I go there when I want to be around the high-brow uberusers.
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Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:39:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm thinking about signing up on pulsehead, do you reccomend it?
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No one is more high-brow than you
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 11:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you kidding me?
How do you sterilize the brush prior to brushing?
You run it under the hot tap.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I cannot comprehend anyone brushing with warm water. It wouldn't feel fresh or clean.
I'm disgusted.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?smh=&r=&sp=best_ever&category=22&user_id=&uber=
BEST POEM ON ÜBERSITE, EVAR
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
explain
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:06:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and brushing with hot water is just wrong!
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:03:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lost my toothbrsh for a week, so I didn't brush... I found it in my mattress.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-24 09:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well... well... I rinse with bleach, which is probably why I have no teeth.
Then I gargle with boiling hot water. Ha!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 09:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck cold.
I rinse with hot.
Then I sanitize with teh cool mint listerine
then I rinse with the hot again.
(well, warm actually, but not cold)
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-24 09:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought i was the only person in the world who brushes with hot water.
------
but do you rinse with cold?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm saving up for a Sonicare.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some pothead kid I used to know told me a story once about how his mate was stoned, was brushing his teeth, noticed a whole bunch of blood coming out of his mouth and realised he had been brushing with a razor.
This guy was a compulsive liar, but it's still a cool story.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:24:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Brushing teeth + stoned = 20 min of brushing """
brushing teeth+acid = very, very bad juju.
soz on ruining the streak.
i thought i was the only person in the world who brushes with hot water.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...and what a fabulous poem it is!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes I brush with hot water.
Yes my teeth are nice and white and healthy.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus christ apollo you just deflated my ego
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:24:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brushing teeth + stoned = 20 min of brushing
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-06-24 08:22:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you brush with hot water????
Submitted by MichaelJackson (user info) at 2005-06-24 07:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nobel prize. Seriously, Shamone!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-24 07:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I thought you were illiterate.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-24 06:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aside from being nicely obscure the 'adjective-noun, adverb-verd' combinations made it.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2005-06-24 06:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*ejaculates*
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-24 06:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rad why do you kick so much ass? My guess it's cause you live in Vegas. I don't know i'm tired so don't mind me.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 05:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ding fries are done!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 05:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you aren't drunk still Rad.
Pulsehead is for teh losers.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 05:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another +2 because my story is written, now I just need to go and completely re-write it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck it i'll just post my momentary lapse one and see how that goes over.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, 5
http://www.pulsehead.com/message/rad
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THats pretty much what I do. All my serious posts get posted on there.
I think I'm up to 6.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a feeling I'd just end up posting all of my stuff in both places, minus my many shit posts.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I haven't decided.
I go there when I want to be around the high-brow uberusers.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm thinking about signing up on pulsehead, do you reccomend it?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually doing serious fiction writing, so this one is taking a while. I'll be sure to brush my teeth right before I post it though.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:34:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a sonnet, yes?
here's a hai-ku just for you:
I like your toothbrush
picture hold much interest
I plus two your post.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just go brush your teeth already and be done with it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because this is distracting me from finishing my next post.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-06-24 04:03:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<snapping fingers; Beatnik applause>
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-06-24 03:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
not bad.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-24 03:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was beautiful, man. Thank you. Thank. You.