No Respect (612 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.94 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DJMattB241 (View user info) at 2005-06-24 10:15:42 EDT
I don't know why I did it. I can't give you a good reason in hindsight, other than desparation. My life had hit a low, and I was hopelessly seeking a way out.
Whatever the cause, I found myself applying for a job at Americall.
For those of you that, somehow, don't know, Americall is a courtesy call company. That term has never made any sense to me. What you are doing is hardly courteous. What you're really doing is invading people's homes, forcing them to interact with you. Like commercials, but never funny, and a lot more intrusive.
Of course, I got the job. Americall wants it to seem like you really secured an amazing opportunity, to walk away with women and prizes. Let me tell you. All you walk away with is a sense of impending doom, and possibly a cold sweat.
The first week was all training. We had scripts we had to read. It was sort of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but titled "American House Partial Death Disembowelment Insurance" instead. You'd say your little speech, and then wait for one of two responses "Yes" or "No" and then follow that answer to the next section, depending on the response. Strangely enough, I don't recall any answer at any point in the book coming to a part where you had to say "Well, thank you for your time, and have a good evening."
So they basically had us where they wanted us. They knew that everyone in the training room was so hard up for cash that any of us would have punched a guy in the nuts for $5, and then kissed it and made it better for an extra $10. Plus we had basically signed our souls over to The Company at that point anyways. No one in the room showed any signs of self respect... or self image... or personality, for that matter. The managers did their best to keep us all pumped up by being wow! yes! woo! hardcore! \m/, but all they could get in response was "mmhm" because at any given point, half the room was trying to commit Seppuku, and its really hard to talk with a frisbee in your mouth.
And then there was the Baptists. I've never felt so cornered in my life. I should have known something was wrong when this group of... gentlemen... showed up to training every day wearing dress pants, button down shirts, and ties.
Basically, what happened was, there were about four of us sitting in the breakroom, eating, drinking, and trying not to think about what company's break room we were in... when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, the subject turned to religion. Now, I appreciate the good things that a healthy spiritual life does for people, when used in moderation. But these guys were anything but moderate. These guys were extreme. So once they found out that I was willing to actually speak about religion, they jumped on it. I wish I could say I was making this up, but they literally backed me into a corner, while another one closed the door to the breakroom, and stood in front of it.
At this point, I was thinking "I'm going to lose my job, that I haven't had for a full week, because I beat up a bunch of Baptists."
So after about a twenty minute conversation, I had one of them convinced that his religion was a ruse designed to brainwash and coherse young boys into giving up their lives and freedom for no tangible meaning, and the others were getting frustrated. Then one of the managers walked in and broke it up before they could call down lightning bolts, or locusts, or whatever.
The rest of the training week went rather uneventfully, save for some nasty glares from the Baptists, and a new wardrobe for the newly un-converted one. Then began our first week on the phones.
I'm not sure which is more terrifying to me. The fact that I spent all week, 5 hour shifts, selling Accidental Death Insurance to people (that way, if you die, we'll pay you.), or the fact that I was good at it.
It's true. Yours truly has a natural gift for phone sales.
Have you ever bought anything a phone seller was peddling? Ever? Have you ever MET anyone that has? Yeah, I didn't think they existed either until that week. I sold and sold and sold. People were stocking up on Death Insurance left and right. It was... crazy.
By Friday, I had decided to quit. I'd had enough of the job. I hated myself, I hated my coworkers, I hated the people on the phones, I pitied my managers, and whenever anyone asked me where I worked, I winced.
That Friday, I probably spoke to maybe five customers. This is due to one fact: the mute button. The computer would connect me to a caller and I'd flip on my mute button and play a game to see how long they'd stay on the phone. Some people get really mad when they pick up the phone and no one is on the other end to respond. I had one guy actually yell into the phone.
The only time I actually took calls is when one of the managers would walk by. It wouldn't look very good to have him see me laughing like and idiot because the person on the phone started whistling dixie to me. So I had to field a couple.
The thing is: I sold something every. single. time. I took five calls and made five sales. I don't even know how. By the fourth call I was speaking in a monotone "kill me i hate my job" voice, and the people on the other end were like "why yes! we'll take your Mega Ultimate Platinum Uranium Martian Death Visa, but only if I can make sure that you will make it as hard as possible for me to cancel it at a later date." It didn't even really phase me that I had sold 100or that day. I figured that anything was possible once you've sold your soul to the devil.
So there it is. My two weeks at Americall. Maybe some other time, I'll tell you about my two weeks at the door-to-door perfume/cologne sales place.
That is, if the devil doesn't come for me by then.
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Well, I'm off to go pack for UberConMichigan. I'll see some of you in a couple hours, and the rest of you on Monday. Cheers!
User Reviews
Submitted by skeezy (user info) at 2005-06-29 12:23:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I somewhat understand where you're coming from. This girl I'm seeing just started a new job as a medical bill collector. I guess some widows are pretty shitty when they are told that they are financially responsible for the medical debt amassed by their spouse prior to his/her death.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-28 07:57:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*clap*
(5 minutes pass)
*clap*
I SHALL SLOW CLAP YOU TO YOUR GRAVE!
*******************
5 minutes pass? That's some slooooooooowww clappin', I tell ya what. Hats off to you.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:19:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:20:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
I came to leave a message for you on your post, but I read it and it was hi-freaking-larious. So fast clap for you!
To the point though, I'd appreciate it if you didn't obviously camwhore me. I don't mind being an extra in the background or whatever, but if you happen to have a picture of me with my pants down and my tongue in the crack of Lechuga's ass, I'd rather you deleted it.
I mean...what? That never happened. Cheers!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*clap*
(5 minutes pass)
*clap*
I SHALL SLOW CLAP YOU TO YOUR GRAVE!
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I came to leave a message for you on your post, but I read it and it was hi-freaking-larious. So fast clap for you!
To the point though, I'd appreciate it if you didn't obviously camwhore me. I don't mind being an extra in the background or whatever, but if you happen to have a picture of me with my pants down and my tongue in the crack of Lechuga's ass, I'd rather you deleted it.
I mean...what? That never happened. Cheers!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:00:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's all down hill after a job like that!
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-06-24 17:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-24 17:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 17:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:29:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is today's word jumble, boys and girls!
Rearrange the letters to find out DJMatt's favorite pasttime:
JERKING OFF
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:29:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is today's word jumble, boys and girls!
Rearrange the letters to find out DJMatt's favorite pasttime:
Pear
---------
I GOT IT!
REAP!
He likes to reap things!
Sometimes in a very grim manner, perhaps?
God to The Grim Reaper on women's ability to live longer than men:
"But didn't you reap them with your grim reaping equipment?"
"Yes, but the women...they all knew hopscotch."
- Eddie Izzard
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-24 12:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Only because everyone else gave you a 2
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2005-06-24 11:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I get no respect. I went to a suit store and asked the guy there to show me something cheap. He brought me to a mirror! I get no respect.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I also was a financial advisor for 8 yrs selling the worst performing investments out there but was somewhat forced by company to keep things "in house". I later learned "in house" = clients losing all their money. Sorry Mom and Dad for believing in me. You didn't really need that 500k did you?
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had similar working for BT, but I was crap at it. I just can't let anybody buy something unless they really wanted it. And even then they should have a good think about it first.
Nitties advice is good.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was down and out looking to get back into sales, I took a job at a 'Document Management' company.
I sold copiers.
The boss had the same solution to every problem: Make more cold calls. Door to door of businesses.
I hated life for that 6 months, but I learned that if you can succeed in that type of sales, you can sell ANYTHING. Looks great on the resume to kickass in copier/telephone/cold call selling.
It got me into the sales job I wanted.
Stick with it. Become the best, then find something better.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Enjoyable. I once bought some "fake" cologne something like Dracar instead of the more famous Drakkar. It left some discoloration on my skin.
Look forward to meeting you soon.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is today's word jumble, boys and girls!
Rearrange the letters to find out DJMatt's favorite pasttime:
Pear
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I sure as hell hope you're going to school.
Submitted by midas_child (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:26:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Call center work definately sucks the will to live.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-06-24 10:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry to hear about your soul. You have my condolences.