I'm Sorry.... Please Forgive Me (1032 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Professional Peon <prof_peon.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-24 13:29:35 EDT
Dear Picklehead,
Since you are but a child and the thought is fresh in my mind I wanted to write this apology as I am sure Ubersite will still be around long after I am gone, and you have made your way in the world.
It has recently come to my attention that I may have made a rather large mistake in the way I chose to raise you. As I write this letter you are the ripe old age of four, but seem so much older... too much older. Every mother wants to believe that their child is special. I was no exception. I remember the denial, the disbelief of the doctor's opinions and their 'worst case' scenarios. So many of your little parts were affected and would possibly be stunted from the trauma you endured.
They said you may not be able to walk. I stood defiantly and challenged their diagnosis.
They said you may not have a fully functioning right arm. I taught you too eat with your left hand.
When they found your left ear didn't work. I sang to you every night in an attempt to teach you to listen.
When they told me your right eye didn't quite work right I took you out into the world and showed you what everything was. Everyone finds it adorable that your first words were "What's sat?" You wanted to learn and I was more then happy to push you in what I thought was the right direction.
I pushed you harder then I probably should have. I never did the 'baby talk' thing with you. I have always spoken to you as I would any other person. I did not talk down to you just because you were a child. I wanted you too learn the language well enough to express yourself without getting frustrated and angry at yourself. Which you did.
You had developed a clear understanding of right and wrong from a very early age. When you misbehaved at three I punished you by taking away your Nintendo. You told me that you didn't love me anymore and that you didn't want to live with me.
I cried in front of you for the first time. You began to cry too, and then you hugged me and apologized while telling me you didn't mean it. You learned that what you say has an affect on other people. You discovered empathy as well.
I stood proudly as you grew; I believed I had given you a good base. I never let something pass because you were 'just a child' or because 'you didn't know better.'
Then something happened. You stopped believing in childish things like Santa. You questioned how he entered our house. I showed you the Santa Clause movie to clear that up, but you still seem skeptical. One day a thunderstorm came and you ran to my side. I told you not to be afraid; it was just God's angels bowling. You squinted your eyes at me and told me to get off the phone before I was electrocuted.
It came to my attention the other day that perhaps I have taught you too much. That I have focused so much on preparing you for the future, that I didn't leave enough room for childish whims. While you were playing with your new friends they asked you why you don't have any brothers or sisters... do you remember what you told them?
I do. You told them what goes through my head every time someone asks me when I'm going to get married and have more children. Words I have never uttered, but have lived in the dark of my subconscious.
You told them that brothers and sisters are only "extra in case I die." When I asked you about it you seemed positive that I wouldn't be sad if you died, but only if I had another child. Is it possible that I also taught you to be cynical?
Where did I go wrong?
Forgive me,
Love Mommy
User Reviews
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-02 04:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2005-07-02 03:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quit writing these good, interesting, well written pieces already! Just post nudes!Or email them to me.
Either or.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-27 06:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT YOU DID IS FANTASTIC.
don't appologise for having a child who has brains behind their mouth. That's your doing and eventually, he'll thankyou for it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-27 06:32:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think the fact that you have presented the world to your child as it actually is, devoid of sugar-coating, makes you a wonderful mother.
Life is hard, never more so than when you are young. If a child grows up with this weird fantasy image of life, presented to him by his parents, and then goes into school to face bullying, abuse, misery and emotional torment then it can leave a body feeling very confused.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-26 20:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Blackhailfire (user info) at 2005-06-24 21:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-24 17:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-24 16:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Get in touch.
I am newly single and looking to reproduce.
Just kidding about most of it, except the newly single part.
Good luck. sounds like you have a smart kid.
Roll with that.
-Dave
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-06-24 16:14:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Creep- that sounds a lot like the way I was raised... parents fighting and all. He doesn't have that; I didn't marry his father so there is no fighting there. I have been with the same boyfriend since he was a baby so he's had a very stable loving home. I do ask him why he says things that he does, and most of the time the thought process behind it amazes me more.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:04:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks guys, you always make me feel better. I just became somewhat disturbed. I mean, how would a four year old come to the conclusion that siblings are 'extra'
Heavy man.... just heavy.
_________________________________________________
I think it depends on the child's mind works. When I was very young (in the 4 or 5 area) my mother would cry a lot and my father was always yelling and out of control. Being really young and not knowing what was going on, I started to think that it wsa because of me. I thought that I was an only child because I was too hard to deal with and they didn't want another one running around, making things even worse. A few years later though, I'd grown a bit and was able to see that that wasn't the case; I was old enough to understand what was going on with my parents and that it was NOT my fault.
I don't think a kid being 'grown up' is the same thing as a kid being 'smart.' When I was in elementary school, I was WAy ahead in both English and Math and I was always mature and respectful beyond my young years. Teachers always commented on that during parent/teacher interviews, while I was sitting there thinking, "Okay, yeah, whatever. That's because I don't want to say something stupid and get my ass beat."
So yes, I was a kid who was WAY too smart for my own good; but it wasn't a 'constant' sort of smart. I would have my moments, but often times my mind would be working beyond its own means. The reasons that I thought my parents were fighting for example; all of those reasons were wrong. While my behavior and my speech seemed very grown up and mature (for my age, anyway), a lot of it was wrong, or misplaced.
I've beaten around the bush so much that my fingers are tired... I guess what I'm saying is that a child can have ideas that to an adult, might seem pretty mature. A lot of people I know never stop to ask questions, or talk to their kids about it; they just think, "Oh my god, where did THAT come from?!" and have done with it, never thinking that the ideas their kids have might not be on the right path. With my parents, I always thought that they were mad at me; it seemed right to me, because no one ever told me otherwise. The fact that I was WRONG never came into play until a few years later, when I HAD to figure it out for myself.
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/67914
here it goes
Submitted by the_mysterious_stranger (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:40:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All that sounds hauntingly familiar...
I know somebody of whom your son reminds me very much.
He was raised just the way you described it.
He turned 19 last month and just finished school, with a perfect score.
He is highly intelligent and will attend Germany's most prestigious university this fall.
He will, undoubtedly, become Chief Executive of a big corporation one day. He will achieve money, power, and untold success.
But he will never be happy. He is, and always will be, unable to connect to anybody emotionally. He is deformed. That is about the best word my as of yet limited english can come up with. I guess you could say that this makes him appear "evil". I wouldn't call him that, though. Not evil as in deliberatly commiting malicious and unjust acts. Rather a simple lack of compassion, a failure to relate to the feelings of anybody around him.
I am sorry. I do not know whether your son will turn out the same way, but parts of his behaviour certainly suggest it, especially the bit about him stating you wouldn't be sad if he died.
Berty wrote a beatiful post some days ago about a friend of his who appears to be very much like the man I have described above. I think it was called "what it means to me". I'll post the link in a minute, you should read it, really.
Do continue to educate your son. If he will turn out like my poor acquaintance, he will at least have something, some role, to fill his life with. Besides, it is too late to change anything anyways.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Listen I am no expert, I mean I have an 18 month old daughter and I am scared shitless. Mostly because she is going to be far smarter than I ever was. If I don't point her in the right directions her intelligence and energy will be put to work for evil doings. I mean who am I right, pothead...juvenile...kinda lazy. Scares the shit out me I'll tell ya. But I would rather have this problem ahead of me than say not having my little apple. It works out, you either get IT or don't get IT. You seem to get IT, so have faith (that's not a religious thing) and trust your instinct. That's what I am doing and I am sure that is what my mom did, I mean she was 16 when she got pregnant on me and 17 when she had me. There was no Dr. Spock or any of that other utter bullshit. We grew up together and it teaches many a valuable lesson.
Sorry I am preaching here.
Peace Outside.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-06-24 15:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks guys, you always make me feel better. I just became somewhat disturbed. I mean, how would a four year old come to the conclusion that siblings are 'extra'
Heavy man.... just heavy.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:50:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My sister is 12 years younger than me. My mom raised her around many adults and not enough children, as a result she seemed to be too smart for her own good. She would say things oddly adult,at a young age. My mom worried about this as she grew but what can you do about it. Some children have a greater capacity for absorption, it's ok. My sister grew up wonderful, graduated high school at 16 took a year off and is going to college to be lawyer, doctor or something like that.
Embrace the fact that your child is gifted and learn to channel it in the right way. My sister learned how to speed read at 12 and reads a book everyother day, that was proper channeling.
Good luck.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My son just turned three and he is way too smart for his own good; and he's got a malicious/violent streak in him that scares me sometimes.
He is getting better though, he stopped punching the cats in the head...
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just starting to worry that he knows more then he should. I don't want him to grow up an evil genius.... or something. Is it possible for a child to be too smart for his own good? If anyone has had similar experiences, please let me know.
Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you ok?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-24 14:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blimey
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-24 13:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
cynacism is dead
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-24 13:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-06-24 13:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmm........