Bowling and Drinking... Good or Bad Idea? (634 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.7 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by KillerTofu (View user info) at 2005-06-25 03:13:48 EDT
Please take note that this is my first post, it is 1:24 AM, and I am tired as hell.
After his fourth solo pitcher of beer, Josh decides that he will be cool for another game. As is our usual custom, he bowls first and I second. At this point I have only beaten him 9 times in our year and a half of bowling together. This was also our 8th game of the night.
Josh gets up a little shaky but manages to get his ball and his balance. He approaches and hurls the ball down the lane. Strike. I approach and throw the ball. Ten pin is left standing. I manage to pick up the spare (I throw a right handed hook, Josh a straight ball). His second approach... Very sloppy strike. My approach.. Strike.
Josh: Hey man, can I use your ball?
Myself: Sure, just don't shotput it like you did on your first ball. And make sure you put all your fingers in it or you'll screw up my fingertips.
Josh: Alright, alright, I got it.
Third approach: Josh throws a right handed hook, flails in the air, and falls flat on the floor. Strike.
Myself: Hey man, you alright? You just pulled off your turkey. Where's the "Jesus Dance?"
Josh: <Silence>
Myself: Josh that isn't funny
Josh: <Silence>
As I walk up, Josh has still yet to move. I tap his shoulder and he screams in agony. I realize that the silence I was hearing wasn't silence, it was whimpering that was inaudible because of the blaring music. I notice that his right shoulder is located about 8 inches down from where it should be. With the help of a friend that works at the place, I manage to get him off the floor and into my van.
Luckily the hospital was only 5 minutes away. Josh and I walk into the emergency room, and the second we enter, the nurse at the counter screams and immediately moves him into the emergency room where a doctor on break takes a look at his shoulder.
After a cat scan and an x-ray we find out that he has totally severed the tendons in his arm and chipped off a section of his shoulder blade. (This was from a prior injury and allowed his shoulder to shift as it did)
Because of the large amount of alcohol in his body he is not allowed pain killers. So I listen to him scream in pain as they gurney him to surgery.
I get stopped at the door by a 350 lbs black nurse who is old and meaner'n a snake.
Black Nurse: You can't come in here
Myself: They aren't even going to give him anestesia, and the surgeon asked me to follow so that he had something to do while they were doing surgery.
B.N.: You got a weak stomach?
Me: I haven't thrown up since I was an infant and I haven't drank a drop.
B.N.: Go see the nurse over there in green and ask her for some greens for yourself.
Me: I see ten different people in green. Which one are you talking about?
B.N.: Get the fuck out of here before I beat your ass senseless!
I was out of there faster than an army man attached to a bottle rocket.
> If you have a weak stomach do not continue<
After dressing in greens and washing my face and hands thoroughly, they admitted me into surgery.
Me: Damn dude you look like shit
Josh: If I weren't strapped down, I'd kick your ass
Me: Even if you weren't you still couldn't put a mark on me
Josh: Just wait, after I get outa here I'm going to pummel you lefty.
Me: Jeez dude I knew you were full of shit, but I didn't realize how much till I saw this. Its poring out the more they cut in.
Josh: Is it bad man?
Me: Horrible, your back looks like you got hit with shrapnel.
Josh: Aww shit, at least my insurance covers my dumbass.
Here's a visual for you folks. They waited until I got there to start the incisions. In the time that short conversation took place, the surgeons had cut away the skin surrounding the new property that his shoulder had taken up residence all the way up to where it used to live.
Luckily the nurses had taken special care to suck up the blood as fast as possible because I didn't realize how much there was. It looked like water poring out of a faucet.
When relocating hit shoulder, the surgeons (It took 4 of them and 5 nurses to do this) literally LIFTED HIS SHOULDER off of his back and placed it back into the socket. After putting 4 inch and a half screws and one 4 inch bar into his shoulder, they sewed him back up and sent him to his room.
The entire surgery lasted only an hour.
The next day visiting, he lived true to his promise and with a splinted, braced, bandaged and severely fucked up right arm and shoulder, got out of bed and pummeled me left handed.
I will never drink and bowl.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-06-26 16:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-25 18:12:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bowling and drinking goes together like PS2 and blowjobs.
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AMEN
Submitted by KillerTofu (user info) at 2005-06-26 15:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-06-25 17:29:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm, a hospital just let you "sit in" on a surgery? What did you do? Tell them you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?
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The lead surgeon wanted me to sit in because he wasn't allowed anestesia due to his blood alcohol level. He needed something to keep his mind off of what was going on with his back.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-25 18:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bowling and drinking goes together like PS2 and blowjobs.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2005-06-25 17:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmmm, a hospital just let you "sit in" on a surgery? What did you do? Tell them you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2005-06-25 11:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I saw a kid get his shoulder dislocated. Wasn't an accident, though.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2005-06-25 09:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bowling rules!
One of the few classes in college I actually attended.
Intramurals: Bowling.
I had the highest average in the class.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-25 08:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/47934
Submitted by oberone (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:54:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Excrement of the first degree
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Plus 2 my posts. www.ubersite.com/u/kazzerax
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:03:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
thats no excuse.
Did the submit button make you push it?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Twenty of the suckiest minutes of my life.
-- Homer Simpson
Burns, Baby Burns
Submitted by KillerTofu (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rad, do you take pride in being a Hollywood critic?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-25 04:03:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats no excuse.
Did the submit button make you push it?
Submitted by KillerTofu (user info) at 2005-06-25 03:32:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry if it wasn't written well. Like I said, it was written very early in the morning and I am very exhasted. Not to mention: first attempt.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-25 03:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was written badly.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-25 03:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wasn't very professional of the woman to scream in the emergency rooom reception because she saw someone with an injury. She must be screamng all day!