I like American Girls (1793 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.51 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Matthew Owen <momanlad.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-25 10:49:29 EDT
Haven't posted on here for a LONG TIME. Anyway, thought i would give it another punt.
For those of you that remember, i was going out with my girlfriend for some 6 years. She was great, i enjoyed her company and was deeply in love with her.
Then she dumped me.
This happened a few months ago now and it was a pretty hard period in my life. That is to say it was the hardest period i think i have ever had. However, every cloud, as they say, has a silver lining. This one was the fact that i am single. Being single is actually really good fun. In that six years i had forgotten how much of a fucking giraffe it is. I have discovered something amazing, something i never thought i would happen, a miracle some might say. Other women!!
Yes, there is some nice crumpet prowling the streets at the moment (except at Glastonbury - they are all covered in mud). It's summer and for some reason, birds take an upturn in the trouser rocket department. Anyway, i digress...
I was out on the large in London a couple of weeks ago. I was having a right fucking knee's up. It was at this time that my attention was drawn to some crumpet dancing like cunts at the bar. When i say dancing like cunts, i mean they were actually dancing - as opposed to shuffling from left to right grinning and looking around. This bought a smile to my boat race, and got the old cogs turning in my bonce. I thought to myself. They can't be British - they look like they are having too much fun, they look uninhibited and aren't as pale as they rest. They certainly weren't Scottish as they didn't have a compliment of red hair, freckles and a red face. They were also not drinking pints of Stella. Hmm, i starts thinking to myself, where can these nubile young coquettes come from. Then it hit me - they were yanks!! They weren't just yanks, they were fiy yanks in my fucking manor. Let's have it he says to himself.
I walk over and start my banter. I was on top form this night, i was wankered, therefore i thought everything i was saying was funny and insightful. It obviously was. Anyway, the gals dem that i had eyeballed was dancing like the biggest cunt of them all. I walks over and i start chatting shit. To my surprise this strumpets ears prick up and she gobbles my verbal shat right up. The next thing i know she is rubbing her arse in my groin and i am trying to look cool, like i do this all the time. To cut a long story short, i end up drinking all sorts of cocktails with this young lady friend of mine and then.....i take her home!!
This girl ate me alive. She had a shaved smoo, a bolt through one of her top bollocks and was as the loudest bird ever in the sack. Turns out she was a 21 year old American applepie cheerleader college student. Fucking right mate!!! I was loving this shit. She was giving me some American verbals in the boudoir and i was running at the nail. You see British birds can't say "you're so hot, your making me sooo hot oooohhhh" in a way that isn't amusing. This American said it and i thought i was in a porno. It was excellent!!!! I can't stress this enough.
Anyway, next day, after she was "buggin out" because her mates had called her and were worrying, i drove her back to her drum and we parted company. However, this has changed me. Now when i am out sharkingm i ONLY WANT AMERICANS. They are brilliant. It's damaging to me i reckon. I find them fun, exciting and a good laugh.
I am living in the wrong country!!
So any American crumpets want to chat bollocks with me - i am all yours. I love you for being you!!
Laters Potatoes
User Reviews
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2009-10-22 04:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love American girls too. We invented tacos and Canada.
Submitted by drstrangedhruv (user info) at 2009-10-21 22:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-09-19 17:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you'll get over american girls soon enough
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-07-18 15:01:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo old bean. You still wasting time on this website!!
I have been busy as fuck mate. Joined the peelers didn't i. Did all my training for that and have been on the streets fighting rascals. Having the time of my life doing it. Smashed doors down on search warrants - all sorts. On that front life is fantastic.
Getting dumped by the missus of 6 years chaffed a little bit i must say. Over it now, with the odd shitty day!!
What you upto nowadays??
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-18 08:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
listen here right, you had your chance, you left, i'm the top brit on here now.
You can't come swanning in here all the big I am an expected to take over.
Oh no.
I have spent YEARS getting these simpering idiots on side.
How's tricks?
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2005-07-14 23:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you matthew
Submitted by akrofiild (user info) at 2005-06-30 13:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-30 12:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anyway, American girls....i want opinions. Who has knobbed a few nationalities that can accurately compare. I really want British Vs American birds. Scores please.....
Women can play too. Compare the geezers
Such fun
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-27 17:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna have to run this through Babelfish, but apparently, it's funny...
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 13:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it...
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit Momanlad!
I want teh black peener now!
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Been here myself mate. They get old very fast. Next you'll have it on for Brazilians, then it'll be Eastern European girls. All I can say is find yourself a good one.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow....what strange talk....I'd like to go oversee's for awhile and ya'll can come stay here in boring ol' texas. I luv british accents along with all my friends.......
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2005-06-26 07:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking cockney wideboy/geezer pricks....
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2005-06-25 15:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was expecting a picture
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-06-25 15:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like you....
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 15:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i would trade up for that anyday of the week. Loads of pissed up birds is my middle name. It's a long middle name, but i had cruel parents
Submitted by MisterDevious (user info) at 2005-06-25 14:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tell ya what: I'm sick of living in the U.S. where the monkeys rule, so let's trade. You come over here & take my house (I live in a midwest college town, often rated as the #1 binge-drinking school in the country, so lots of pissed yank axe-wounds about) and I'll pop over there and crash your flat. Interested?
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-06-25 14:08:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
America, FUCK YEA!
This is funny because my dad told me that during the war you could get into any english birds knickers for a k-ration chocolate bar and for a pack of luckies you could have all her sisters and her mum too.
Submitted by Jimmy_Esquire (user info) at 2005-06-25 13:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the english, oh, english post.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-25 13:43:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's summer and for some reason, birds take an upturn in the trouser rocket department. Anyway, i digress...
_____________________
"weather changes moods, spring is here again, reproductive glands"
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-25 13:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's hilarious!
No. I'm not a yank.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:37:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Momanlad!!!! I hadn't heard many gross abuses of britishisms in a long time. Glad to have you back, mate.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:33:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
why u horrible cindy?? Just a git or something!!
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yes I am really mean.
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why u horrible cindy?? Just a git or something!!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:27:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:12:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Cindy is a birds name - you might be American - come to me.................i love you
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I'm not American- I live in Portsmouth- I'm also horrible. Sorry.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cor bli'mey I do love the yank birds!
...probably because I live in America.
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cindy is a birds name - you might be American - come to me.................i love you
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cor blimey!
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 12:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Back like Bert Backerack mate. Doesn't seem to be many people posting. I suppose that's because ot's Saturday and people have far more interesting things to be doing!!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-06-25 11:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are back.
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 11:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
nothing wrong with a big black rodney mate - whats your problem!!
Submitted by Dick_Donkeysaber (user info) at 2005-06-25 11:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I remember watching some British comedian on premium blend and she sucked, it seems she was using her British accent and lexicon and not having much in the way of actual funny material, just talking about big black cocks and whatever.
Submitted by momanlad (user info) at 2005-06-25 10:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That what everybody seems to say
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-25 10:51:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your way of speaking makes me laugh.