Things No one Else Will Admit (1308 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.13 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cumguzzler (View user info) at 2005-06-26 01:41:40 EDT
Things done in the presence of oneself in the privacy of one's home are always things of beauty and wonder.
For example, scratching an itchy anus.
Now, it probably wouldn't be itchy if it were clean, unless you have a bad case of piles, so an itchy asshole tends to be a dirty asshole coated with sweat and leftover remnants of the last BM. Who here has taken delight in the cheesy substance that collects under fingernails after a good scratch of the old bum? Now, if you partake in such an activity it only stands to reason that you would also scrape the funk from under your nails and smell it. Furthermore, you might decide to smash it between your fingers.
Nose picking.
Nose picking is quite fun. So fun, in fact, that most people can't help themselves from doing it in public (and yes, your car is a public place when it's not in your garage). I find that I take great delight in not only picking but eating the delectable green morsels especially when my nostril hair is well overdue for a trim and each and every booger just sticks like glue. I usually end up ripping a few hairs out as I pick and I eat them too. Also, I've noticed that if I keep picking my nose enough, I gradually develop a raw area of skin that keeps crusting over with a skin and snot mixture. Every time I pick after that, my reward is a sheet of skin and boogers that seems to be coming straight from my sinuses. It's very rewarding and at the same time feels dangerous. I must be a rebel.
Flatulence.
Of course we know that people always enjoy the smell of their farts no matter how god awful they are, but how many will actually admit that on gassy days they hang around without underpants with legs spread open, ready to catch each fart in a cupped hand for their sniffing pleasure? I have no problem admitting this. I don't really find the sound of flatulence amusing, but only the disgusting odors I produce as well as the heat that's generated by the most disgusting farts.
Sniffing dirty underwear, especially before washing.
We all do this. If you deny, you're full of shit. Ladies are especially guilty of this, because they're always trying to determine just how stinky their vaginas are. From what I've come to know about women in general, they are very insecure about these things, always thinking that their parts aren't fit enough or hygienic enough. I'm not sure what I think about that. Maybe that's why I frequently get off on the thought of a cocky young stud. And actually, I enjoy it when a man's cock and balls have a very strong aroma, as long as it's the aroma of sweat and not urine. Yum.
Another thing that I do, and I can't actually say that every one does this, because it would only apply to men (I think?) is well... I like to wipe my ejaculate off in inappropriate places, on inappropriate things. Like my mother-in-law's hand towels when the wife and I are visiting for dinner, and on my wife's workout shirts when she and the daughter are napping. I've also wiped it on the back of my tie while at work, and on newspapers in my car while on my lunch hour, newspapers which subsequently made their way back into my office.
I think I'm a normal human being who gets a very small bit of joy from thinking that he's slightly out of the ordinary when I'm actually just like everyone else.
How typical, right?
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh sorry. I didn't know you were one of these retaliation -2 fuckers.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-27 17:05:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
you need to stick with the things that you know, like guzzling cum.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2005-06-26 19:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I love you more than life itself.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Deidra,
I am very curious about something. Don't take this the wrong way, but... if my writing (and the writing of others) doesn't suit your "personal taste", why do you find it necessary to repeatedly visit and rate/comment on subsequent pieces? If it's merely to harm a user's UBER rating... Don't you think that's kind of petty? Because really, you must realize that you're actually helping writers gain the attention of others by keeping them in the "most recently reviewed" sidebar. But you seem like a very smart girl so I'm sure you realize that.
If there's another reason for your repeated assertations of distate, please enlighten me. Honestly, I'm beginning to think that you are sickly drawn to this shit and in fact, maybe you really do enjoy it.
Ciao.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:21:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugly frigid woman? Who might you be referring to?
Your attacks on my character are uncalled for, but your sarcasm is nice.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so sorry, baby. I promise to never assume again that you're just toying with the fragile emotions of an ugly frigid woman in order to get cheap self gratification out of breaking her heart with your playboy ways.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh so now you think I'm being sarcastic. Well that's just great. Why is it that people always assume that they KNOW what others are thinking, feeling, trying to convey, etc.? I really admire you and I would never dream of being sarcastic. Scouts honor. (Trust me, I'm a Scoutmaster.)
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 13:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can tell. You're bleeding sarcasm all over the clean floors, dude.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 13:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe,
I'm devastated.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 13:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 13:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Also, guys...
The cut and paste nonsense is really immature. I know what I wrote. It's like you're just BEGGING for other people to recognize what you think is your very clever retort. But I love you both anyway. You're FANTASTIC!
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 13:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Deidra,
Alter what?
Also, you're having a lot of fun being 100% woman, aren't you?
----------------------
kai,
Where and when?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:25:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Here ya go you fantastic writer you. I promise not to post for several hours whenever I see your post at the top of the page because I surely wouldn't want to be the one to knock such fabulous writing from view. I know how important ratings are, especially from random internet users who happen upon UBER and don't yet know of your greatness. Thank you for keepin' it real and not using any alters because I like to know just WHO I am rating. Without the image I have of you in mind I don't think I could give a fair rating. You see, I know what YOU are capable of. One question though: Why aren't you published? Or ARE you?
Goddamn I feel unworthy of even commenting here. I humbly prostrate myself before you kai. Your UBER account is an internet gold mine. I adore you.
Always,
cumguzzler
-----------------
come, fuck me now....
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i've never eaten a bogey. but then my bogey's are the biggest most disgusting bloody, black stringy things in the world.
and i've never sniffed my own underwear. i simply wear clean one's everyday.
i dab the residue of any over spilled man-mayo just behind my earlobes.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:18:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Deidra,
You must have been hurt very badly by a man. I can tell. At any rate, I just want you to know that I love YOU, whether you find me disgusting or not. :::hugs:::
-------------------------------
You're having a lot of fun with that alter aren't you?
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Deidra,
You must have been hurt very badly by a man. I can tell. At any rate, I just want you to know that I love YOU, whether you find me disgusting or not. :::hugs:::
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-26 11:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nasty, but entertaining.
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-06-26 11:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
gross but from what I've discovered from many b/f's....very very true
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-26 11:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*Vomits*
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
strangely entertaining.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry Closet boy.. that one was awfull. Technically well written. but too digusting for a positive rating. It's all about personal taste.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I can't believe you just gave me a retaliatory -1.
Submitted by CLAIRE1 (user info) at 2005-06-26 08:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was funny. Gross, but still funny.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 08:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Ugh.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-06-26 08:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sighs* Man it's too early. +1 average because I'm a retard that can't type.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-06-26 08:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A tribute you mediocrity. Hooray!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-26 03:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
horrible!
Submitted by Duke_Chocula (user info) at 2005-06-26 02:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I do most of this stuff, except I dont eat my snot, or sniff my dirty udnerwear.
I have more skidmarks than a drifting competition.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-06-26 02:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As gay as this may sound, I love you.
Submitted by Gendo (user info) at 2005-06-26 02:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you forgot having sex with you.
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What tit-for-tat? I think it's high time you ceased spamming my masterpieces. Thank you.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tit-for-tat
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:54:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:51:53 (#)
Ranking: 0
what are you!
demon nazi from hell +2ing all post regardless
of content/shittness/etc.?
why? why, you cumguzzler, why?
--------------------------------------------------
And just who are you to judge the worth of any particular post, or to question my judgment for that matter? And FYI: I don't always give +2's. :)
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh, fuck that, now you're mocking me...
may goatse haunt all your dreams.
<insertracialslurhere>
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-26 01:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what are you!
demon nazi from hell +2ing all post regardless
of content/shittness/etc.?
why? why, you cumguzzler, why?