The Hunt for Bickerstaff: In search of the Warrior Poet (1854 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: uber-related
Rating: 1.96 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Circe <fickle.muse.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-26 09:35:29 EDT
(Go read everything here first: http://www.ubersite.com/u/Bickerstaff )
Bickerstaff. The guy can write most of us into an early grave. He's poignant, funny, sharp, heartwrenching, violent, sexy, and a hopeful cynic. But the question goes unanswered - who the everloving fuck IS he? I've not spoken to a single person who doesn't think he's an alter. Guesses range from Shitfuck (HAH!) to shandy (no chance in hell) to me (I have one too many vaginas to be that guy) to, well, damned near everyone.
But, fuck, we want to believe it. We want to believe that this guy exists, that somewhere out there is a guy who can kick ass while composing electrifying prose about it. We want the fairy tale, we want the hero, we need for the battle scarred warrior to be everything he's supposed to be. Do we really want to know if he's some balding 50 year old man who just watches a lot of Kung-Fu movies? Or, worse still, he's one of US?
As Uber's resident "most bored" person, I took it upon myself to seek out the truth. (I'm very busy, this week. I've so far taken it upon myself to seek out vodka, cigarettes, sexual freedom and bigamy. The cigarettes are a go, but I've been stymied in everything else by my oppressive abusive husband. Please, if you're reading this, SEND HELP! I can't live under these conditions. He makes me cook!)
Here is the record of my journey. If you know anyone at Discovery, drop them my name. I've got a career in this.
User Reviews
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2008-04-16 14:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I miss him.
Assuming it was a him, of course.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-27 14:27:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time to revive some of the better classics. . .
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-04-27 15:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2007-04-27 14:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Like a bad penny really, let's be honest.
________________________________________
He's alive!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-04-23 18:08:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even the name, Bickerstaff, is briliant.
Google it, it's a good story.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-04-23 17:46:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-08-26 23:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I.B. "We're all Bickerstaff, and that's the damn truth."
----------------------------------------------------------
Does that mean he's God? Hmmm. My mother once told me that Jesus was in all of us, and I always thought how strange it was that the God's son would want to reside in my digestive juices. Sure, there's no guarantee he'd hang out there, with other places like the liver, spleen, and gallbladder, but the stomach must have the most leg room. If I have a hard day at work I like to stretch out...and he's Jesus. His lower back must kill him before he uses his devine touch to turn it into a Tuna Sandwich.
He could have stretched Himself down my guts, I suppose, but then he might get absorbed, and how useful could he be if he was broken up and mixed all over my bod. Is Bickerstaff in one end, playing bongos in my Pancreas, and in the other, skiing down my cerebelum?
I just got a shiver. I bet he's walking over my grave. I guess that refutes that theory.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-04 08:40:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thorpe, honeychild.... go have a nap. You'll feel much better.
Here, just to break your brain: I have an alter. 1 alter. Go forth and DISCOVER.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
it's method isn't it.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-06-27 14:58:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time I read a Bickerstaff post, it ispires me....
.....to stop attempting to write.
The guy is too good. If he is an alter then Kudos for creating a great charecter.
-Dave
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-27 13:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job Circe, this is a very worthy post!
And if you haven't done so yet, do click on the Bickerstaff link and read - especially the Thailand stuff.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-06-27 13:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a clue that he resides or has resided in southern california. The pure intricasies of his writtings are amazing.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-06-27 12:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bickerstaff is a true story teller. Thank you Circe, my life is enriched for having read his work.
Submitted by Captain_Cool (user info) at 2005-06-27 12:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2005-06-27 11:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for anything Bickerstaff related.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2005-06-27 04:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*whistling innocuously, hands in pockets*
I enjoyed this, thanks!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-27 02:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was the best review I have ever read.
Submitted by Bickerstaff (user info) at 2005-06-27 01:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny how a mirror can play tricks on you and don't we all know it. But gospel, child, I don't
ever really want a mirror that speaks pure and tell me if I'm wrong. I'd much rather have
the fun house, fucked up, twisted image of a parabolic nightmare mirror than the polished silver,
wood framed bastards that hang on the walls of the soft skinned: you can lose a whole day staring
into one of those and that aint no lie. And when you walk away, you aint any closer to knowing who you are than if you'd spent ten drunkin minutes in High Desert Hal's house of terror, making long faces in the concave reflectors behind the threadbare curtains. My favorite par of Hal's though is that when we all look in the jacked up mirror, we all look the same; and that seems much more accurate than the myriad differences spit back at us by the straight silver, right? Those details, man, those differences; that's the dishonest part, kid.
We're all Bickerstaff, and that's the damn truth.
I just like looking in the jacked up mirror.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-06-26 21:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a theory.
Not about this though. I have no idea who the guy is.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-06-26 20:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh. And some of the comments were epic as well. Good luck on finding him, though. Once you do, can I have a finger or a toe or something? Because, you know, he's got more talent in his little finger than I have in my whole body, so I figure that maybe if I eat the finger or toe or whatever, I'll get better at writing.
It could work!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2005-06-26 19:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to god... it's either Screamfeeder or Shitfuck.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-06-26 19:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what do you mean 'no way'??
i've lived a rough and tumble life!
i once smacked my wife's bottom, i'll have you know.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2005-06-26 17:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The amount of abuse you're going to give me for this 1 makes it all worthwhile.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2005-06-26 17:14:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is no Bickerstaff... no wait... there's no SPOON... yeah that's it.
Weeeeeeee! I'm Circe's alt!
That means I must have some pics of me naked, lying around here somewhere...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-26 17:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I KNEW IT!
Fucking Daniel-san...
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2005-06-26 15:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want your babies!
Could you throw in an oxygen tank or two?
roll them in bubble wrap, put them in a suitably sized cardboard box and mail them to...
ME!!!
I've always liked you, Isaac.
i mean Circe.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-26 15:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah cool post!
Submitted by fried-green-potatoes (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:31:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm Bickerstaff and so's my wife
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-26 14:19:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a dream where I was against you in the first round of ubermadness, and I thoroughly got my ass kicked by your story. So I'm somewhat relieved that you didn't enter this year, and since I still remember details from your story from my dream I plan on stealing it. Take that!
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:28:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you so much. Will you marry me?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 12:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-26 11:38:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell is my tribute post?
________
You'd have to blackmail me like he did.
I love you back, dearest. In a totally intellectual way, of course.
...
...
...
Kinda.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2005-06-26 11:38:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the hell is my tribute post?
Bitch.
I still love you though.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've only ever read one of his posts, but I still remember it vividly. He was losing a fight to this big guy, and he let him viciously twist out his shoulder blade. Then he had some weird moment of revelation about one of the disciples, and cracked the guy a good one in his pus. It was actually really good.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty funny stuff. Do you really want to know where he's at? If it's up and running again today, he just posted another story under the name of "issac Bickerstaff" at pulseHEAD.com
He's been posting there for months now...
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*swoons*
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:28:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:24:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thorpe, honeychild.... go have a nap. You'll feel much better.
Here, just to break your brain: I have an alter. 1 alter. Go forth and DISCOVER.
---------------------------------------
Pipe down, ETS.
________
'kay.
I like you.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It can't be the old guy, I am fairly sure Bickerstaff used the letter "L" in a few of his posts.
Outside of that, I no nuthin.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:52:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thorpe, honeychild.... go have a nap. You'll feel much better.
Here, just to break your brain: I have an alter. 1 alter. Go forth and DISCOVER.
---------------------------------------
Pipe down, ETS.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I met Issac once, in smokey opium den deep in the heart of old Burma - you'd know it as Myanmar today.
But to me, it will always ne "My Burma!"
Method could find him. Easy.
But then he's get punched out!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:01:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I KNOW NOSSING
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2005-06-26 10:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let me know when you find him.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or it might be 2. Or 3. I lost track after I created Snark.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:52:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thorpe, honeychild.... go have a nap. You'll feel much better.
Here, just to break your brain: I have an alter. 1 alter. Go forth and DISCOVER.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work, BICKERSTAFF. I mean, TRANSFORMER, I mean SHLONGY. Had us all fooled, didn't you, Method.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:45:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This rocked.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post smashed my face into little pieces.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-26 09:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn my stupid crappy lack of typing skills. Sorry about the other one.