A few bets, some Pepsi, and 1 000 003 dollars (942 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: Classics
Rating: 1.06 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by d_prime <dprime.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-26 23:24:54 EDT
I'm not really the betting kind of guy. I play Texas Hold 'Em with my friend every once in a while, but we only play for money every few months. However, I am a big fan of betting a dollar or so on random things I see in day to day life of various types that I know I'll win.
Now is time to calculate my winnings (or losses)... of the few I can remember perfectly.
If you don't know me, you may want to take a look some of these posts first: http://www.ubersite.com/m/68239, http://www.ubersite.com/m/66217, http://www.ubersite.com/m/65802, http://www.ubersite.com/m/39848,
September 2004
My friend Jahmal and I were walking to the infamous convenience store Select at lunchtime. As normal, I bought a 1 liter Pepsi (just fewer than three cans' worth for you 19th century folks) and, as not done regularly, I bought some Reese's Cups. He bought a Pepsi of the same size right after me. I remembered that this is the most competitive fucker you've ever not met.
So, I bet him two dollars that I could finish mine first. He taunted me and said that there's no way I could ever beat him. He probably figured that drinking pop fast was easy and that he just had to do it and ignore the way it felt. Unfortunately, I have that advantage, among others, such as drinking tons of Pepsi every day. I finished mine before he was a quarter done, and he started spitting up on the sidewalk.
Total: 2 dollars
April 2005
I was with my guitar-player Scott, who was in another lesser known post of mine, in one of our basements watching Rush in Rio, the live concert movie from 2002/2003. Some where else was the DVD case. 2112 was playing, and he told me that the next track was The Spirit of Radio. I told him that he was wrong, that it was Limelight. He told me that I was wrong.
[Interlogue: He's fucking stupid.]
I bet him one million dollars that it was Limelight. He agreed.
[Interlogue: He's really, really fucking stupid.]
When 2112 ended and 'duh-nah nah-nah nuh nuh nah-nah' came on instead of 'na-nuh-la na-nuh-la na-nuh-la' suggesting that it was Limelight and not The Spirit of Radio, he realized that he had just lost one million dollars.
He still hasn't paid me for some reason, which I don't understand. If I owed someone a million dollars I'd want to get it off my shoulders quickly. Oh well, at least now I don't have to pay him that seven I owed him for that time I stole seven dollars from him at Harvey's. Oh yes, Harvey's...
Total: 1 000 002 dollars
June 2005
We were at Harvey's, the burger chain, two months later. At this time I had forgotten about the million dollars. He was talking about how much salt he puts on his fries and how, although I am the Pepsi master, he is the salt master. Remembering that he's a complete pussy (I hang out with him because he has a cool basement and is good at playing guitar) I challenged him to a one dollar salt eating contest. We take turns eating packets of salt, and if some one gives up on their turn, they owe the other one dollar. The first one was easy. The second was horrible0-tasting. The third wasn't that bad. I was wondering what the fourth might be like, when he GAVE UP AFTER THREE PACKETS.
Well, such is the way of pussies.
I won a dollar, which he gave to me on the spot.
Total: 1 000 003 dollars (or 10 dollars if he never pays me back the rest of the million)
The lesson here: don't bet with me about Pepsi, Rush, or consuming ridiculous things. That's just fucking stupid. It doesn't take a Jew to tell you that that's a waste of money. And, don't bet other people on things THEY are blatantly good at, I think.
I'm not afraid of losing potential bet money on account of this warning, because any one as stupid as Scott or Jahmal obviously doesn't know how to read.
And now, what you've all been waiting for, a photograph of me celebrating my winnings.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Geddy Lee rocks - as your friend's debt he owes you, tell him he can work it off in giving you blowjobs.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 14:35:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not like me you can't, kid.
Submitted by Martyn_Steiner (user info) at 2005-06-27 13:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-27 12:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can pound Pepsi like a champion.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 11:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No... I'm still only about 5-6...
I gave that post a bad rating because it's nothing (I believe the first -2 was before you had commented here) and it's better for Uber when shit posts have low ratings, and the second one was because I was doing that thing to all the bad posts like I had a couple months ago. I'm not trying to punish you or make my self taller, weigh more, or get more respect.
I don't know whether you're an actual alter or not, but if you are, your other account probably doesn't own me. In order to be owned, I first half to care whether or not someone on the Internet likes me.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-06-27 10:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Way to dump -2's in response to a 0. You're a big man now, aren't you?
I'm glad you took the time to drop this alter's rating a few hundredths of a point. But don't worry. The real account still owns your ass.
Submitted by missflibble (user info) at 2005-06-27 10:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
we used to bet in pints of snakebite-and-black.
I was bet that I wouldn't eat: a whole oxo cube, a tablespoonful of marmite (that's half a small jar), a huge big fat momma of a bluebottle, half a mouldy poptart and a tadpole.
for those I got five pints of snakebite.
for climbing out of my commonroom window, running across the green, climbing up a tree and tapping on someone's top floor bedroom window then hiding by hanging from the tree I got a pint and a pot of hotwings from the local generic greasy fried chicken shop.
I used to do anything for beer.
or food.
or both.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-06-27 09:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 09:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're welcome. Because, you know, I thought 'Hey! It'd be great fun to waste Zoidberg's time. Hmmm what's a type of post he wouldn't like?' before I wrote this. All the people who felt moderate-good about it were just neccesary side-affects.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2005-06-27 08:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that's a stupid lesson
thanks for wasting my time
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 07:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, sorry. I should be talking to Geek.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 07:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sparkle: why the fuck would you want to? out of retribution?
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 07:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i once had a ben and jerry's ice cream eating contest. we had a whole bunch of free pints somewhere, and a competitive friend was like, "bet i can eat more." me: "prove it. its on"
4 pints of ice cream later, we both were struggling hardcore. when softserve started sneaking up on my jeans, well...
Submitted by MrSparkle847 (user info) at 2005-06-27 04:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I challenged him to a one dollar salt eating contest.
_______________________________
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
The only thing about Rush that makes me a wee bit angry is that the singer sounds like a man squeezing his balls.
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:59:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:54:18 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're not an awesome n00b like I was.
------------------
I can't ruin your perfect 0 rating....
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:18:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the lead singer of Rush was a girl for four years.
_________________
"What about the voice of Getty Lee?
How did it get so high?
i wonder if he talks like a regular guy?
..i met him, and he does"
-Pavement
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are all you kids going to VOTE for ME for UBERMADNESS!?!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to give out the awards tommorow.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seeing as you were at four 0s and four 2s, that 1 changed absolutely nothing. But, you did water it down with something other than a 0, so that's valid enough.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
alright ;)
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you only get it if you stop watering down my rating with your 0s, unless you're doing it becuase you change your mind on the quality of the post.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seven, that'd be sufficient.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Will you be happy if I give seven to each of you?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Exactly, I was so good I didn't even need to follow the rules to win! And I'm still alive so please reward me now before I am killed.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fine, you two can share it.
NOW YOU OWE ME ANOTHER +2!!!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's kinda like giving a first place medal to someone in the crowd than to one of the actual participants but if that's how you play your game so be it.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, but technically he didn't submit it to the proper post and he also didn't meet the deadline and etc. etc.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:39:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you. Are you going to go kill Darko now?
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
there!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yellowman was third, until Darko bumped him off! Now you have to kill him.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Enh, I trust you. Here are the results...
WINNERS:
FATMANTPK
grammar nazi
darko
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You did it again! =P Two more +2s will make up for it now!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:15:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Yellow-Man. It is impossible to eat 6 salted crackers in even 60 seconds. Trust me, me and my friends have tried it many times.
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Yeah I know, I just wonder how powerful suggestion really is ;)
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok, done.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I need to start using that again.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH.
Darko, you're one of the winners for fucking certain. It's a good thing that I haven't announced them yet, because now I have to bump some one off.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I declare myself the winner because I told a frined today "Are you one of these morons who not only have horrible English, which isn't a big deal, but gets mad at people who have good English and calls them stupid?"
Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:18:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the lead singer of Rush was a girl for four years.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:17:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
without the use of water right?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yellow, give me another +2 back and I'll tell you.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yellow-Man. It is impossible to eat 6 salted crackers in even 60 seconds. Trust me, me and my friends have tried it many times.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-27 00:00:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and, WHO WON YOUR CONTEST!!!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Supposedly you can't eat 5 normal size salty crackers in 30 seconds, and i've yet to see anyone do it.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWFOJAWEFOIWAJEFA;OWIFJAWOEFIJWAEF
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for platypusses determination.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant PRIESTS! Not PRIEST! Maybe I will camp this post and give it some heat.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OK I lied, I had to review again.
We are the priest! Of the temple! Of Syrinx!
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. "I am listening I was listening". That was retarded of me. I think I will keep reviewing this post, but not really. I'm done now.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
....dude. I just realized I that I am listening I was listening to 2112 before I came to this post too.......this is so fucking wierd. This shit always happens to me too. It's like the entire world is watching me.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE!!! I WAS JUST WATCHING THE RUSH IN RIO DVD!!!!!! I'M FREAKING OUT MAN!
Submitted by 2x4fun (user info) at 2005-06-26 23:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you with rush,is like me with rise against.
although you've never heard of them.Im no good at anything else.cept maybe cross country.but i still get beaten by the people that are better.the guys that run 16 minutes.
to uber.anyone wanna race 3.1 miles?