Screaming Babies (732 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.76 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by mush (View user info) at 2005-06-27 15:21:55 EDT
I was in NJ Saturday night visiting MyNameisTim... it was a great time. We got so drunk that we couldnt find the bus stop and ended up passing out at like 1am (after, unbeknownst to Tim, I watched some porn and furiously rubbed one out in his living room).
Anyway, the next morning I have a raging hangover (fucking tequilla) and we go to some diner called 'BENDIX Diner'. I swear to god -- I'm not creative enough to make this shit up. The diner was shitty enough as it was, but what really went up my ass was this worthless screaming baby behind us.
20 minutes of nothing but "WAAAAHHH!!!! WHINE!! BOO HOO!!" I just couldnt take it anymore. After 20 minutes, I finally snapped and did was any 22 year old with an MS in Electrical Engineering would do: I started to cry too. I matched the baby cry for cry. When he whimpered, I whimpered. When he screaming inane syllabals, I, too, screaming inane sylabals. This went on for a couple minutes until we finally got the bill and took off. On the way out, as we were walking by the baby, he started crying again. It was as if the little fucker knew what he was doing. So, again, I did what I had to: I looked right at the bastard, and gave him the finger. If Timmy and I didn't weigh a combined 550lbs, I think the mother might have tried to fight us... but she knew better.
This brings me to my point. If you ever have kids and they start crying, hit them. Eventually, the kids will "begin to realize that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings" (Maddox 2004)
If you're too much of a pussy to smack your kids in the face, then at least take the kids outside so that their screaming will not induce homicidal thoughts in the minds of everyone around you.
I hate little kids.
User Reviews
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-28 10:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of a stupid post.. but i hate kids too
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-06-27 20:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 just because you want to beat children.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 18:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!!! crotch fruit
i used to use 'fuck trophy' but thats better
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 17:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Nancypants (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:54:25 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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*yawn*
Submitted by Nancypants (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am a parent and I too think it's the shittiest thing ever to let your kid scream in public. if you cacn't calm em down fucking step out don't sit there all inocent like "sorry?" because you think everyone wants to hear your crotch fruit "sing".
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goddamn babies!!!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
don't believe it
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:18:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't remember that katie.
----
That doesn't surprise me Tim. It was
the same night that we drew -2 on your
forhead. Maybe this post will refresh
your memory...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/60395
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:22:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Timmy, I thought you said that you were pretending to be drunk that night so you could lure tigerlilly into your den of debauchary...
Submitted by cumguzzler (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 to counteract Nancypants, I mean-- Deidra's rating.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't remember that katie.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:13:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:08:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
Were his feet actually IN your face? Like... did he cut your face open and insert his feet into it? Or were they just near your face?
Because if they were IN your face...
----
Ass! No I passed out in his bed first because he passed out on
the floor in the living room. I wake up and he is in bed the
opposite direction and his feet are in my face. I can assure
you it wasn't pleasant. Ahh fun times in Lodi!!
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Were his feet actually IN your face? Like... did he cut your face open and insert his feet into it? Or were they just near your face?
Because if they were IN your face...
Ok this isnt funny... I'm -2ing myself again.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A solid smile.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:52:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
you masturbated in my living room? scumbag! as long as you didn't pull an A-ral and rub it into the carpet with your shoe.
---
Ok! Now that is just WRONG!!
At least Tim didn't pass out with his feet in your face.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Clear and consise. Couldn't agree more. The parents of Helen Keller were the luckiest fuckers ever.
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, friend -- i defiled your living room. but no, i did not pull an a-ral.
and are you getting my damn emails? i think gmail is all farked up.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:52:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you masturbated in my living room? scumbag! as long as you didn't pull an A-ral and rub it into the carpet with your shoe.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:46:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Kids are miserable.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:41:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and yes I know there are already baby pacifiers, like they make them for adults...
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Like Jeaneee, I agree with your annoying baby scenario. Probably because I have no kids, but someone should create baby pacifiers.....or stick a nipple in their mouth, that always works for me.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel guilty saying this, but I agree with you (not about the hitting-in-the-face part, but about the screaming-babies-are-horribly-irritating part).
Nothing destroys my mood faster than a crying baby in a non-baby-oriented public place. The worst is at the movies. What kind of horrible parent are you to bring a 6 month old baby with you to the movies? Can't find a babysitter? Stay the fuck at home. It was your decision to become a parent, and my hat is off to you for taking on the challenge; but please don't make the rest of us suffer for it.
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Screaming babies are annoying
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I think that's what babies do.
Submitted by LiquidPaper (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"That... doesnt make sense"
Weirdo.
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You were a kid once too. Apparently you were not smacked enough.
Submitted by mush (user info) at 2005-06-27 15:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2ing myself for incorrectly spelling "syllables" two different ways.