Dogs are not good company for Hermits. Believe me. (576 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maz <Mazellan666.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-27 16:08:53 EDT
I wistfully bought a dog in the vain hope that it would stop my annoying dependence on people. I would have something else to have conversations with. Fuck going outside, I am now above that.
I joyfully walk down to the most respectable pet shop I can find (within half a mile any way). Point solemnly at the cutest thing I see, hand over moneys and exit the shop. On my trot home, apart from acquainting myself with little Rover I looked around at the world I no longer had to associate myself with. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" a deep sign of release escaped my lips.
At home I familiarised Rover with all the things he would need to successfully live with ME. I told him about where his food would be kept, where the toilet was (Very Clear on that one) and then I explained about my special room. How he was never to enter MY special Room. Nobody was. He wagged his tail in agreement and opened and closed his mouth. I was satisfied that he would keep out.
The problem began the very next day. When little Rover decided that he wanted to misbehave. "What do I do". After conference with my trusty computer I sorrowfully realised that puppies were energy bombs, who needed walking two times a day. This did honestly go completely past me. Rover was not helping me build an independent life outside of humanity, NO HE WAS NOT. He was encouraging me to go out twice a day. WHAT.
Just because I have hermit like tendencies it doesn't mean I don't follow a normal sleep pattern. I sleep in the night and patter around during the day. So on both of our walks I would encounter.... PEOPLE.
What is the point I ask you. There is none. I go out and buy something to keep me inside and here the same thing is making me go outside. But the worst is still to come.
PEOPLE: Feel the need to come up to others who happen to be connected to a dog by a piece of rope and smile like morons. "How lovely?", "How old is it?", "Is it a boy or a girl?" (the last one is not only annoying but I'm sure it is insulting for poor Rover, who doesn't have the heart to eat peoples ankles).
I much prefer the people who cross the road to avoid us. The people who give us dirty looks or the young children who cry because they think they're going to be eaten.
Dogs are good company for Hermits, however they must be walked in stealth style. Get poochie a clack leotard and balaclava (to match yours) and stalk the streets at night time avoiding burglars and murders' (only so you don't have to engage in small talk).
User Reviews
Submitted by Gundam-Girl (user info) at 2005-07-19 14:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hi! Tis Courts awww you have to bring your dog to meeeeee!!!! i want to stroke and cuddle him! ^_^ hehehehehehehe
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for cuteness
Submitted by PokeyPecker (user info) at 2005-06-27 20:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That dog looks cowed.
I'm calling PETA!!!
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-06-27 17:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Nancypants (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:52:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cute
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-06-27 16:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marge: Homer, remember you promised you'd try to limit pork to six
servings a week?
Homer: Marge, I'm only human.
Principal Charming