Nature owned me. (NSFW) (1462 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by rock_music <rockkillsflowers.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-27 21:16:21 EDT
So guess what, fellow Uberites?
I'm having surgery tomorrow.
I have a hernia and it's going to get repaired.
That's right, a hernia... you know, that abdominal issue that only 40-50 year old construction workers get? Yeah, I have one of those. A lazy-ass 17 year old who lifts no heavy objects save a guitar amp every once in a while.
There's no specific cause and it doesn't hurt me at all, I just remember that when I first discovered it, I was under a lot of stress, wearing really tight pants, and had a ridiculous stomach ache.
For those that don't know, a hernia is a tear in the abdominal lining. Generally, this implies that the intestine protrudes through the hole, causing massive pain and forced abstinence from any physical activity, but I got kinda lucky and my tear is small enough that no intestine is coming through, only like abdominal fluid and fat.
I'm not really worried about it, it's a simple operation and honestly, I'm no stranger to the emergency room. I've had so many surgeries in my lifetime I'm surprised I'm not made of plastic by now. I'm just kinda bummed because I won't be able to walk for a few days and won't be able to engage in any physical activity for a few weeks (which kind of sucks considering I started jogging every morning this summer and I can't play DDR either.)
And I know everything will be okay because in the great words of Starchild.
"Now this is what I want you all to do:
If you got faults, defects or shortcomings,
You know, like arthritis, rheumatism or migraines,
Whatever part of your body it is,
I want you to lay it on your radio, let the vibes flow through.
Funk not only moves, it can re-move, dig?
The desired effect is what you get
When you improve your Interplanetary Funksmanship."
This is a pretty accurate representation of what's going on, except in my case, (a) no intestine would be protruding through the hole and (b) the penis would be much larger. Hope all is well with you guys.
User Reviews
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-05-01 08:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-30 22:26:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
Winnar!
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-04-30 22:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Winnar!
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2005-07-22 03:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if there's a way to bring your intestines further down and increase penis size. It'd be interesting if you could actually sell that to people.
I could see it on infomercials.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-06-28 09:44:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shit good luck dude
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-28 05:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Blimey! Good Luck!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-28 04:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've had one of them in my stomach since birth, but it's too small to be of any concern.
Still annoying when you lift stuff though.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2005-06-28 04:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear. And they
don't like it.
-- Homer Simpson
The Call of the Simpsons
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have seen your penis, and it is definitely not larger than that.
But seriously, dude, good luck. I'll try and find someone to give me a ride to come visit you.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:41:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Tight Pants? REALLY tight pants??
DDR!
ATTN: GHEY MENZ.
c/o: Penile Diagrams Inc.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-06-27 23:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:22:51 (#)
Ranking: 1
nutty
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAR HAR PEENER
Submitted by VoRn (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I laughed at the fact that one your major worries about it is not playing DDR.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nutty
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:21:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*shudders*
Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When I was 14 I had a hernia. It didn't hurt, it just made my balls look big as shit.
The surgery for was a snap. It wasn't my first time under the knife though, so I wasn't too scared. I'm not sure how severe your hernia is compared to the one I had, but my scar is no more than 3 inches long. Three years later, I can barely see the damn thing.
Good luck.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ime to fertilize the lawn. A couple of 500-pound bags should do it!
-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. Patty and Selma
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
sympathy +1
fucking bummer dude.
god i'm pain, thinking about it.
Submitted by rock_music (user info) at 2005-06-27 21:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Marge: I know we didn't ask for this, Homer, but doesn't the Bible
say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you
do unto me...?"
Homer: Yes, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take
moochers into thy hut?"
The Otto Show