Fuck the first-born! gimme my PHONE (941 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.5 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MrCoffee (View user info) at 2005-06-27 23:57:01 EDT
Something Utterly Fucking Ridiculous happened to me on Monday night.
So stupid I cant believe it actually happened.
Let me set the scene:
I win stuff a lot through a Sydney radio station. CD's, concert tickets, DVD's and a shitload of Movie tickets to "preview screenings" of big movies.
Last night I was one of the first people in Australia ( or so the knob introducing the movie claimed) - to see War of the Worlds, starring the worlds biggest Poonce: Tom Cruise.
Now normally I'd be avoiding Tom Cruse films like I would avoid eating a week-old plate of Dihorrea with a fork on national television to prove my love of all things Tom cruse.
(Yeah. Not a fan)
But who am I to turn down FREE tickets to a big screen blockbuster?
So, having been to see approximately 20 to 30 of these free preview screenings of different movies before, I was in a calm relaxed state knowing just what to expect.
usually you turn up, flash your promotional size movie ticket. walk in to the cinema. sit. watch. stand. leave.
but not this time.
Oh nay, this time the promoters had a little surprise install for the 500-600 people in attendance.
On the bottom of every one of these tickets was a clause:
" This screening will be monitored for unauthorised recording. by attending you agree not to bring any recording device into the theatre and you consent to physical search of your person and belongings for recording devices...."
Blah Blah. every movie ticket ever printed has something like that on it somewhere. But this time they decided to act on that clause because somebody woke up that morning and had large bowl of retarded for breakfast.
They confiscated
Every
Single
Mobile (cell for you yanks)
Phone
No, I'm not kidding
See "Recording Device" in reference to a movie, to me says things like video cameras, video cameras or video cameras. I mean, who the fuck would bother listening to a crappe mono recording of a movie recorded through a polyphonic mobile phone?
"pirates" apparently.
They confiscated Every mobile phone and PDA or anything that was capable of storing either video or audio.
and in replacement for your expensive device, you got given a raffle ticket stub who's other self was stuck to your phone with cellotape.
(and for the record, it was that cheap shitty tape that a) leaves goo all over what it was stuck too and; b) tears off in strips when you try to remove it)
So what did the organisers of this wonderful event have in the way of staff to organise the obvious logistical shit-fight that would ensue?
1 woman taping tickets to phones, putting them in a giant pile and handing the abusive customers their tickers and 2 security guards with torches who were enthusiastically rummaging through peoples bags and occasionally exclaiming " Ahh HARR!! " when they found a nefarious MP3 player or some kind of other "electronic device" - Recording or otherwise.
Pretty much everyone has a phone these days, and I'd recon about 97% of people use their phones for calling people and that's about it. the other 3% actually use the shitty, grainy ultra-low resolution "cameras" that come with all good gimmicky phones these days.
So the people who had crappy little Cameras imbedded in their phones were all trying to explain to the ticket-woman that even if they did record it, it would look crap & would only last about 20 seconds before the memory ran out anyway.
And Everyone else (including my good self) was trying to explain to her that they didn't have cameras in their phones so they shouldn't have to surrender them anyway.
1 woman trying to collect 500 or so phones and every single person arguing with her, equals one fired up bitch. man, she was FUMING.
"GIMME IT OR PISSOFF" was fast becoming a standard response.
So anyway, once the crowd had gotten past the airport level security to see a fucking Tom fucking Cruse movie, we all sat down & watched it while grumbling under our breaths and making snide & cynical comments to the person sitting next to us about how its already on the net anyway and lucky how security missed the 3CCD High Def digital cam-corders we all had hidden up our asses.
Cunts.
So Yeah. The movie was better than I expected. Awesome Effects & killer sound, although Tom didn't get turned into human fertiliser, which would have been sweet.
About 5 mins from the end, I turned to my mate who had our ticket ( 2 phones per ticket ) and whispered "when the credits go up, we've gotta bail express out to the phone table, its gonna be a shitfight"
to which he nodded & we both started discreetly buckling our bags in anticipation to get the jump on the 500 or so other people who also had to squeeze through the 1 door & get their phones.
Que Credits.
..
....
STAAAAMMMPEEEEEEEDDEEEEEE
seems everyone else had the same idea.
Bastards.
It was like one of the alien things had just come out of the screen and started eating people and everyone wanted out of that cinema in the shortest possible amount of time, except they all had to battle through the 6 person deep mosh that had developed around the table that had the phones on it.
Utter fucking Chaos.
Luckily we were near the door to begin with so we were out within the first 5 minutes of the angry-phonerage-moshpit beginning.
People couldn't find their phones, others were pushing through the crowd who were already pushing to begin with and everyone was hurling abuse that the tapewoman who had recruited an assistant during the course of the film.
My mate and I stood and watched the chaos with our phones securely back in their rightful place. Our pockets.
I hope Hoyts Cinemas realise the giant Cock-up they just pulled, & never ever try that again.
on the other hand I'm looking forward to watching the chaos next time when thieving bastards bring along a book of standard numbered raffle tickets just like the ones they were using ( readily available at every supermarket ) and play grand theft phone with bogus tickets.
User Reviews
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-11-02 10:22:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking Nazis!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-06-17 12:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-02-16 04:49:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-28 17:22:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-28 12:58:47 (#)
Ranking: 1
Personally I think people should have to leave thier phones in thier car when they go into a movie anyways. Then no one can "forget" to turn it off.
agreed
Submitted by Deidra (user info) at 2005-06-28 12:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Personally I think people should have to leave thier phones in thier car when they go into a movie anyways. Then no one can "forget" to turn it off.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-06-28 10:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I will NOT go to a theatre for a movie, even if it's free, until at LEAST 2 weeks after the movie has opened...
I just won't deal with the shit involved...
Submitted by Darth_Adwain (user info) at 2005-06-28 09:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have told them to suck my left nut
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-28 09:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, "poonce"
Submitted by crazybutsolazy (user info) at 2005-06-28 01:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
lol props for making me laugh for a couple minutes
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-06-28 00:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YESH!
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-06-28 00:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They should do that at every movie theatre, except something better than raffle tickets. Enough with the fucking 14-year-olds who leave their phones on and then have the gall to talk on them. Fuckers. I'm going to shove a phone into one of those little shit's eye socket one day. TEXT MESSAGE THIS, BITCH!
Unless you're an on-call doctor or awaiting a heart transplant, NO PHONE FOR YOU!
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-06-28 00:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment