What the fuck is this?! (Maybe NSFW?) (3065 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.83 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (View user info) at 2005-06-28 22:25:49 EDT
My job requires frequent travel and time away from home. I'm also a disgusting, depraved, horny bastard, which my wife has been kind enough to recognize, so she bought me a Fleshlight for Father's Day (she may be the greatest wife ever).
If you don't know what a Fleshlight is, allow me educate you.
http://www.fleshlight-store.com/
It's a silicon fuck tube for men. The most popular one in the world, if you believe their website, and I'm inclined to agree with them. The speed bump feels awesome, once you get over the initial humor of fucking a pink, plastic tube. My wife got me the pink lady, speed bump insert with the ice (transparent) fleshlight case.
As often as I travel, I've only had my carry-on searched twice (I never check baggage), and of course, it got searched today. Naturally, it was the most thorough search ever, and naturally the TSA agent was female.
The look of confusion on her face slowly dissolved into recognition, humor, and then disgust and revulsion as she rotated the tube in her hand and found a plastic facsimile of a pussy staring her in the face. God bless her, she didn't look up at me, she didn't burst out laughing, she just hurriedly shoved it back in the carry-on, threw my stuff back in the bag and sent me on my way.
I nearly had to call for paramedics when I told my wife about the incident.
User Reviews
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2005-06-30 22:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-29 00:02:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bought my husband one of those. We put it in the bottom drawer with my vibrators. Every time I open the drawer, all the battery operated toys are warm and the fleshlight is all stretched out and purring contentedly. They've gone through three bottles of lube in a week, man. So I moved the fleshlight to the top of my closet and now I'm kept awake all night by vibrators learning how to climb. It's a motherfucking orgy up in here.
The above is 100% untrue
------------------------------------------------------
I think I love you.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-06-29 11:22:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome story.
Lucky bastard to have a wife who thinks like that too. Hang on to her.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2005-06-29 10:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
when they started the heavy searching of luggage I often thought it would be entertaining to voice our dissent through a mass demonstration called "Rise up America" wherin all travelers included some sort of dildo/vibrator in thier luggage.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-06-29 07:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They're no good for going down on, though.
YOU BITMAP FIEND!
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2005-06-29 01:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pandora (user info) at 2005-06-29 00:47:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Agh, don't talk about Fleshlights! I work in an adult business, and we got a huge shipment of Fleshlights in on Monday. That's all I've been looking at for the past two days!
I had a similar experience at the airport. I was going to visit my ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend, and I was bringing them a gift--a double-ended dildo that vibrated and rotated. (These were fairly new at the time, so I thought it was pretty nifty.) Like an idiot, I had it in my carry-on bag, with batteries already in it(I was trying to be thoughtful). Well, the batteries set off the detector, so the nice security lady had to open my bag. She took one quick look, and quickly stuffed it back in, without a word. Great poker face, that lady had. I was embarrassed then, but I'm sure they see stuff like that all the time.
Submitted by Tokerson (user info) at 2005-06-29 00:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-06-29 00:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Har har
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2005-06-29 00:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bought my husband one of those. We put it in the bottom drawer with my vibrators. Every time I open the drawer, all the battery operated toys are warm and the fleshlight is all stretched out and purring contentedly. They've gone through three bottles of lube in a week, man. So I moved the fleshlight to the top of my closet and now I'm kept awake all night by vibrators learning how to climb. It's a motherfucking orgy up in here.
The above is 100% untrue.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2005-06-28 23:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-06-28 23:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
their advertising has produced on of the greatest rhymes in english:
nice and tight
just like prom night
i'm puzzled that it looks a brownish grey colour. wouldjn't pink have been better?
Submitted by prettygirl (user info) at 2005-06-28 23:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kind of funny. Makes me think that your wife probably got you that because she's afraid you'll cheat on her.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2005-06-28 22:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
she should have just given you a hooker midget...
probably would have been less embarrassing.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2005-06-28 22:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet she has one of her own.