I have new elastic on my pyjama pants and now I can't feel my legs (445 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Squijee <geoffrstone.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-06-29 12:07:21 EDT
The pants I wear to bed were getting way too loose, so I got a new elastic band around it. It's so excruciatingly tight that it seems to be cutting off all circulation to my lower areas including, but not limited to, my feet, legs, knees, genitals, ankles and pubes. I now know what Christopher Reeve and Stephen Hawking have had to deal with, without the upside of being Superman or intelligent.
Superman is cool, but his weakness is kryptonite. That's not as bad as some other superheroes. Captain Planet's weakness was pollution. Yet he was fighting pollution. This seems to be such poor foresight on someone's behalf. That would be like a man with a debilitating fear of PVC piping becoming a plumber.
I don't like to watch beauty pageants because often one of the winners will be given a red sash, which makes her look a lot like a 'No Smoking' sign. Only this sign is saying 'You can not date this girl, she is too good for you'.
I wrote my friend a letter in invisible ink. Actually, that's a lie. I assume I wrote my friend a letter in invisible ink.
My friend got me a paper-weight for Christmas. That is the only present that I could actually subsitute for a lump of coal and not be any worse off. The only quality needed to be a paper-weight is you must be affected by gravity. The paper-weight will definitely come in useful though, next time I am filling out tax forms on the back of a flatbed truck.
I've set my ringtone to be the sound of a phone vibrating.
It would be annoying having an ox as a friend, because whenever you got a greeting card from them, you wouldn't know if it was from them, or whether there was some secret admirer sending you one kiss and one hug. 'Love, ox'. Dammit, next time ox, sign your name as 'Rick'.
The other day I was eating noodles, but then I thought, maybe I'm just eating a cut up noodle?
User Reviews
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The pants I wear to bed were getting way too loose, so I got a new elastic band around it.
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What's my name?
Exactly.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:46:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let's not beat around the bush. i know you took my last piece of cake, and i want it back.
Submitted by Girlwithaclue (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mmmmeehhhh....
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:30:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad, I laughed.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Where are all these Limeys coming from?
WAVES of pommie bastards are crashing into Ubersite!
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Definately try sleeping naked
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-06-29 12:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You should just sleep naked, like Michael Jackson does when kids stay the night
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-29 12:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Something like this recently made B@W. Needless to say, this doesn't belong in that catagory.
Submitted by jimthefiend (user info) at 2005-06-29 12:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
http://www.jim-the-fiend.com/thanks.jpg
