The American Zombie (1008 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.73 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fudgepacknuts (View user info) at 2005-06-29 14:29:38 EDT
At the end of a tough day at work, I'll sit back on my couch and look at a celebrity rag magazine and sullenly shake my head in disgust as I read that Paris Hilton's little teacup Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, has a more expensive wardrobe than I. I'll read about how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt take whirlwind vacations all over the face of the Earth; Kenya, Madagascar, Paris, Buffalo, etc. I'll see pictures of a pregnant Britney Spears and remark to myself what a white trash hefty hefty cinch sack she is for marrying that low-class, gold-digging Kevin Federline. I'll read rumors about Gwyneth Paltrow and her baby, Apple. And I'll wonder, "what kind of name is Apple?" I'll watch clips of Tom Cruise making an ass of himself on Oprah by jumping up and down on a couch while proclaiming his love to Katie Holmes; his fiancée 14 years his junior.
I'll do all of this.
And then the next morning I'll take a shower, turn on my lovely shower radio, and hear about how Russell Crow is being slapped with a lawsuit for a cell-phone throwing incident which occurred a few weeks back at a hotel in New York City.
I'll get out of my shower, get dressed for work, pick up my copy of the Metro News Daily and read about NYC2012 and how desperately they want the Olympics here in New York. It's front page news, you know.
I'll flip through the pages, see a blurb or two on Page 3 on how the War in Iraq is justified and how 'we will prevail' and then I think, "weren't we trying to find Osama Bin Laden at some point?" I shrug my shoulders in disinterest. So I read the three-page sports section instead and finish the crossword puzzle by the time the 5 train reaches Grand Central Station.
I turn on my computer, go to cnn.com, and read about more deaths in Iraq. I skim through the headlines and see nothing of interest. But I do see that Lindsay Lohan's new project "Herbie: Fully Loaded" came in a disappointing fourth in the box office last week.
"What an anorexic skank," I whisper to myself.
And so it goes with our news. I feel I am missing out. I want to be interested in world events. I want to know more. But my ADD riddled mind is so fascinated by celebrity culture that I now find war to be boring, politics to be frivolous and something I can not change, and death to be commonplace.
I am immune to FoxNews and Anderson Cooper 360. But I'll watch MTV Cribs for two straight hours. Thank you American Media for turning my mind inside out and into mush.
And now, Bob Barker:
User Reviews
Submitted by HighFructoseCornSyrup (user info) at 2005-10-12 14:31:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
On a wesbsite full of boring writers, you somehow stand out as the shittiest one.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-08 15:13:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The price is wrong, bitch!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2005-06-30 01:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fudgepackernuts-"The way the news is presented here does not allow me to be interested in it."
This doesn't look like you are taking responsibility.
"Thank you American Media for turning my mind inside out and into mush."
Neither does this.
You are blaming "American Media"(your words not mine). That isn't taking responsibility, that is the first thing that sucks about this post.
The second is your ignorance. By signaling out american media, and mentioning news here you are implying that news is better in other countries. And that you would pay more attention to the news there.
Have you ever lived in another country?
You know what you clearly have access to the internet, why not look up stories on foreign websites? Or better yet go back to being an ignorant zombie turn on MTV, and stop crying here that it was "american Media" that made you the way you are.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:10:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least take some responsibility and say YOU are shallow, or YOU prefer to know about retarted celebrities instead of what is going on in the world. Or even your generation. But don't blame it on the media choices in the US, and don't try and say it would be different if you lived anywhere else. Unless of course you lived somewhere without MTV.
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um, dude...reread what i wrote. I only said "I." I am a fool, yes. I have succumbed to the will of the media and am now a slave to mtv culture.
i'm only implicating myself for being stupid enough to fall for the tricks that the media so strategically laid out. yes, i blame 'the man' for this. but in the end, it's my fault.
this is not a 'i'm american and you're not, SO HA' post. this is a 'i am fistfucked now....woe is me' post. so shut up.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:51:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, you people are critical. Where in this post does it say that America is the only country with tabloid media? Fudge is American, he lives in America, therefore he is exposed to American media. Sheesh.
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Because it says the American zombie. Not the MTV zombie, not the tabloid zombie, not the TV zombie and not todays zombie. He singled out America, and then when he was responding he blames is lack of interest in current events on, "The way the news is presented here(america)" like there is magical way it is presented elsewhere, or we use some sort of backwards system in America.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-29 15:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:49:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
to say that celebrity tabloids do not exist in other countries would be ridiculous. i am asserting that i (and i KNOW i'm not alone here) am more interested in reading about Scarlett Johannsen's (sp?) asscrack than about how we are engaged in a military occupation that already has 1,600 US soldiers dead and thousands civilian casualties. The way the news is presented here does not allow me to be interested in it. At least that's my opinion.
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The way news is presented does not allow you to be interested in it? And you think this is a problem with the US?
At least take some responsibility and say YOU are shallow, or YOU prefer to know about retarted celebrities instead of what is going on in the world. Or even your generation. But don't blame it on the media choices in the US, and don't try and say it would be different if you lived anywhere else. Unless of course you lived somewhere without MTV.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
can the jaw of a horse be open wide enough to fit a truck tire? i don't know, but i'll tell you what the jaw of a horse can fit, and that's why i'm not allowed back at the horse farm anymore.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:54:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for Bob
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, you people are critical. Where in this post does it say that America is the only country with tabloid media? Fudge is American, he lives in America, therefore he is exposed to American media. Sheesh.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My worst mistake in the last 30 days?
Watching the 1st episode of Real World Austin
Now I have to watch them all.
And thank you for not badmouthing Katie Holmes. She remains a goddess.
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:35:43 (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually a neg two might have been too harsh, but the implication that this is an American problem more so than in other countries bothered me.
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to say that celebrity tabloids do not exist in other countries would be ridiculous. i am asserting that i (and i KNOW i'm not alone here) am more interested in reading about Scarlett Johannsen's (sp?) asscrack than about how we are engaged in a military occupation that already has 1,600 US soldiers dead and thousands civilian casualties. The way the news is presented here does not allow me to be interested in it. At least that's my opinion.
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"What an anorexic skank"
Well said
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's twue it's twue
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:35:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually a neg two might have been too harsh, but the implication that this is an American problem more so than in other countries bothered me.
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm worse. I can't even watch TV at all.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:34:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
sounds like a personal problem.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-29 14:33:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yep america is the only country with celebrity tabloids.