Dear Red States (693 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: -0.68 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyIdiom (View user info) at 2005-06-29 20:41:49 EDT
Received the email below. Not sure who wrote it, had to pass it on.
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Dear Red States,
We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving.
We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the
nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's,
we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and antiwar, and we're going
to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and
they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing
to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's
fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the
nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines
at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and
Seven Sister schools, plus Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, CalTech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all
obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes,
nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws,
44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals than we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too.
You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
The happy citizens of New California
User Reviews
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
(from a comment below)
leaders who drive in limousines while the masses give 75% of their pay to welfare.
Moron!
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That sounds Republican...
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your anti-war stance will be interesting when we invade. A perfect excuse to clear out the..ahem...dead wood.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-06-30 19:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Unoriginal, erroneous, and just plain dumb.
Don't bother (-2) sums it up quite well.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-06-30 18:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
we're not taking Puerto Rico, that's for damn sure
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2005-06-30 15:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-06-30 14:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-30 08:55:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Said the State run by a Rebublican.
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Let's not get carried away.
Ah-nold is no more a republican than Dubya is a conservative.
Y'all have switched the meanings of the labels...
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-30 14:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I missed the part where you ripped on UGA and Clemson the first time I read this. Have another -2 just for that, queef-head.
Submitted by alragusa (user info) at 2005-06-30 14:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The happy citizens of New California,
Good luck with all that.
Don't forget:
dual-language education,
state-run low-grade healthcare,
an incredibly high AIDS rate thanks to the homosexuals,
an eventual cultural takeover by Islam,
leaders who drive in limousines while the masses give 75% of their pay to welfare.
Moron!
Die.
Submitted by FWFIV (user info) at 2005-06-30 14:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why in the world would you equate Clemson and UGA with Bob Jones, sounds like some ignorance of these schools on your part
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2005-06-30 10:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with...92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes"
You, my friend, have obviously never been to Minnesota.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2005-06-30 10:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by akrofiild (user info) at 2005-06-30 09:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1 for sharing
1 for the good pot
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-06-30 09:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i am a republican, but this was funny(if misleading), I haven't seen it before, and I am going on vacation today!
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2005-06-30 08:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Said the State run by a Rebublican.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-30 08:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-06-30 07:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck is this crap?
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2005-06-30 07:51:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Stanford, CalTech and MIT"
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I don't know about you, moron, but last time I checked, Harvard, Princeton, and Yale WERE Ivy League schools....
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-06-30 07:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yer ma, that gotdamned gorilla Lincoln aint gonna take my slaves! Fetch my rifle, I'm fightin with the rebs.
Submitted by Rasta (user info) at 2005-06-30 06:32:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sad but true. The north has done a truly remarkable job raping the south.
Before the civil war the richest most prosperous states were in the south.
Then began the disinformation campaign to change the reasons for the war and make people forget all these issues were began by the north.
It continues to this day!
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2005-06-30 00:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
LOLLERCAUST
this sucked.
*slow clap*
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-06-29 23:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fact: this was stupid.
Submitted by Mr.Moe (user info) at 2005-06-29 23:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have no opinion on this post but the first thing I thought of when I read this was
www.fuckthesouth.com
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2005-06-29 23:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'll raise my glass to that!
Submitted by TheEvilleprechaun (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i live in texas; theres no hope for me.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:13:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seen before.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:11:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good bye! Don't come back.
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:03:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Amazing.
Submitted by Freakmagnet (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's
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that got you a +1
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2005-06-29 22:01:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fascinating
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2005-06-29 21:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Anybody who agrees with this needs to be shot in the face. What an annoyingly shitty compilation of bullpenis.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-29 21:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
here is a county by county election map.
Go and fuck yourselves.
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/73/1545/640/Bush%20county%20map%202004.jpg
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-29 21:46:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I dont trust any state that would elect someone with nigger in their name. Yeah yeah i know you say negger, i say nigger. Its all watermelon and hog jowels to me.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-06-29 21:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can I move, or will I need a passport.
No...most of the blue states are cold.
I'll stay here in Georgia and sigh and shake my head.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-06-29 21:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 for originality.
Submitted by bklyn65 (user info) at 2005-06-29 21:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
And most of the niggers, spics, welfare recipiants, fags, loss of consumable goods production, loss of the larggess that is our bread belt,fags. While gaining the ability to recognize that the
takers of most of our social programs are you!
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2005-06-29 20:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*Taps Spoon against Champagne Glass"
Hear, Hear!
Submitted by ellsmall (user info) at 2005-06-29 20:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"best beaches" my ass!