I fucked a chick with no legs (SPT) (1861 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.3 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by knucklesnelson (View user info) at 2005-06-30 23:01:21 EDT
I did, and it was some of the best pussy I ever had. It happened about 10 years ago. Sometimes I cant beleive it myself. I met Nikki at a club. Me and my friends out for a night of drunken debauchery. I saw her from across the bar. I had been drinking a bit that night. So I was feeling both brave, and oblivious. Nikki was beutiful. Long auburn hair, seductive eyes, a beutiful set of ta ta's. I was amazed the guys were'nt all over her. After making eye contact, and a little bit of egging on from my friends I decided to walk over. Funny thing about alcohol, it can really make you blind to your surroundings. I walked over in a smooth rico suave way. Ahh more eye contact. Cool she's smiling. I get three feet from the table. Wham Bam it hits me. This chick is in a wheelchair. Damn, what the fuck am I gonna do now?
Well I certainly just couldnt do an about face. I'll be the first to admit it, i am an asshole. But to just turn around and walk away, after making eye contact, smiling at eachother. I'm not that cruel. So I sit down, and am I glad I did. This girl was incredible. A genuinely nice girl. We have a few drinks (another bad idea). Before I know it, im acting like johnny romance and asking her out on a date for the next night. So we exchange phone numbers and part ways for the night.
The next morning i wake up, realizing what I've gotten myself into. Well like I said earlier, i am an asshole, but i'm not cruel. I call Nikki up, agree to pick her up at 5. Now by now my mind is going a hundred different ways. I was young, foolish, and ignorant. Well at least i'm not young anymore. I keep thinking what am I gonna do with a chick in a wheelchair. I cant take her out in public, one of the boys might see me. Then I would never hear the end of it. Ha Ha I saw Mike out with some legless broad last night. Ha ha hey mike at least you can get a good parking space now. Like I said, I was foolish. So immature to worry about what people would think. Then I got an idea. I would take her on a picnic. Nice and secluded.
Well I pick her up at 6, and now seeing her with my SOBER eyes on I was glad I did. She was a knockout. Aww fuck it I was never a leg man anyways. So I load her up in my car (I never realized legs weighed so much, she was as light as a feather. I get in the car, She asks "So whats up for the night?" I tell her ive prepared us a picnic dinner, and bought a 12 pack. This girl wasnt stupid. She says "Oh to embarassed to go out in public with a cripple?". Be being a great liar i said "well i wouldnt say that, we are going to a PUBLIC park, I did ask you out in public." "Oh sure" she says. "Now now, I think a first date should be kinda private get to know eachother better." I said. Poor Nikki appologizes, I tell her its o.k. (even though she really hit the nail on the head).
So we get to the park, dinner is great. Were sitting out looking at the stars, drinking some beer. Before you know it were making out. Man could this girl kiss. I start feeling her up, and to my surprise she was really into it. One thing leads to another, and then i ask her "so you think you might wanna???.............". No need to say anymore. She looks at me with her big blue eyes and says "well im not here to play on the merry go round." Why dont you carry me over to that swing set over there. I pick her up carry her over "take my shorts off, and set me on the swing" I do as i'm told. Let me tell you if youve never had sex with a chick with no legs I highly reccomend it. She grab the chains of the swing, I grabbed her torso. And it was on, She told me "don't worry babe, im not made of glass". Thats all i needed to hear. I twisted her, spun her. Any way you could imagine fucking a legless fuck machine, we did. Alas when we were both drained, tired from the activity, our juices spent it was time to take her home.
Well I wheel her to her front door, give her a kiss. I promise to call her again. Just then her dad comes out to wheel her in. I begin back toward my car when her dad comes back out the door. "Hey, Hey waite up!" Uh-oh i think to myself, here it comes. He says "Son take this fifty, I really appreciate what you did tonight. Well let me say I was appalled. I said "Man you dont gotta pay me to take out your daughter. Thats dispicable. What kinda dad are you?" He looks at me and says "Son the money isnt cause you took my daughter out, its for bringing her home. Most guys just leave her hanging on the swing".
User Reviews
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-08 13:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
PLAGIARISM ALERT!
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:53:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-01 10:15:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
you're a bad man
---------------------------
Hey, sweetie, how's that juicy little twat doing?
Thought I saw it on World News Tonight, something about the
Grand Canyon, only deeper. :-D
Submitted by HHH (user info) at 2006-07-07 20:30:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awesome_Face ripoff
Nigger
cum swapping vaginal secretion
Fat Duke
Submitted by Viciousriffs (user info) at 2005-10-21 21:00:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. I sobbed. I croaked at the fucking end.
Piss on you, I thought I had already rated this.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-21 18:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe you just told me "Go Blue"
Fucking wolverines.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-07-15 21:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the title made me laugh insanely, actually.
Submitted by Duke_Diggler (user info) at 2005-07-15 21:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read this, but here's a -2 because the title implies you have fucked a girl and we all know that isn't true.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2005-07-06 23:29:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for funny joke.
-2 for other people's work.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-07-06 23:27:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I shut my eyes and fucked my couch and imagined it was you.
I didnt read this.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2005-07-06 23:07:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
. Aww fuck it I was never a leg man anyways.
haha
Submitted by disAbled (user info) at 2005-07-05 19:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't care what they say, that was fucking funny.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-07-02 04:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
holy shit. i already rated this and it sucked then. but what happened. it still sucks. odd.
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-01 21:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I never heard it.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-01 21:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey you douchebag, no foamy links allowed.
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:46:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this whole post could have been:
"and she still made me soup."
this whole post should have been.
fuck words.
http://captainfoamy.com
stump bullion
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
touche
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You better have showed her a good time like you promised.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-01 17:52:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I read MAXIM magazine too, y'know
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-01 17:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and no its not because i showed up to ubercon, it cause i brought yo mama with me
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-01 17:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow darko your about as decisive as a retard in an elevator
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2005-07-01 12:44:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never heard it before.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-01 12:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck! So this is the power that going to an ubercon brings a user.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reee Dick You Luss
Submitted by youarewrong (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Not impressed.
Now fucking a chicken, that IS impressive.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd be more impressed if you banged a fat,homeless Puerto Rican with eight children, but what the hell, it's Fri
+2 for you
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-01 10:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
horrible
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-01 10:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUahauahauahahahahahauahauahauah...
You sure fooled Shlongy...and this was an old one.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-07-01 10:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-01 10:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you're a bad man
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-01 09:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-01 09:10:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heard it before but never with so much story behind it. Not bad.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-07-01 08:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Good times. Oh, shenanegans, but good times nonetheless.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-01 08:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ctrl+print!
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2005-07-01 08:22:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never heard it.
Funny stuff
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-07-01 07:52:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Slightly amusing up until the last sentence.
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-01 07:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Its funny as hell. I'd not heard it before. It rocked out.
El Fabit O
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-07-01 06:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:43:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mummy? What happened to all the paragraphs?
Hadn't heard it before.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2005-07-01 04:54:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2005-07-01 00:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heart warming.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-07-01 00:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
needs less nelson
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
needs more knuckles
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:43:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mummy? What happened to all the paragraphs?
Hadn't heard it before.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:28:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ha ha ha almsot as funny as when i first heard it. long long ago.
dumbass
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
funny.
heard it before though.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:23:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great Story, just what shlongy woulda done!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, maybe nobody else has posted this on here. I'll give you a plus two to try to get the clever ruse going.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh my bad, i didnt know someone told this joke before.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's shit post thursday, not plagerism post thursday. Plagerism makes me a saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad panda.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-06-30 23:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry, I know its kinda hard on the eyes. I got no computer skillz, and even if i did these computers suck!