I fought for you that day, I made you mine. (664 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.87 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Insomniac (View user info) at 2005-07-01 11:08:56 EDT
I saw you that night, from across the smoke filled main room of the bar. At first, just out of the corner of my eye, just a fleeting glimpse amongst the shadows of the drunken masses, all alone, sitting at a small table. My first thought was just "wow". Then, "how could something so beautiful be left all alone?" How could they have forgotten you? Just left behind, and ignored amidst all the madness of another Friday night at the watering hole? I wondered if you had been abused, if there was some other reason you were alone, but you still looked full of the sweet juice of life that I have now come to know so very well. Indeed, I can no longer live without you. When I first saw you, I longed for your moist, long neck, to hold it in my hands, and taste of you until I could stand it no longer. I wanted to caress your body, and slowly peel off your very minimal coverings. I would start with the neck, and work my way down, the whole time tasting you, drinking of your sweet nectar, until I am indeed drunk with it. All of this I thought within the first seconds of seeing you, and that's when I knew. I had to have you.
I made my way across the bar, never taking my eyes off of you, weaving in and out of the crowd. It was a loud one that night, but still, nothing could have given me reason to forget you all alone at that table like you were. It was a travesty, abuse of the worst kind. I was to be your knight in shining armor, coming to rescue you, and make you mine forever. That table was the spire of the castle, and I was your prince charming. I would take you away from this place, and these men, who want nothing but to abuse you further. They don't respect you, this much is obvious. You must be taken from them, with me, to our own corner of the bar, where I can enjoy my time with you in peace, without the distraction of the other patrons of the bar. They don't appreciate you. They don't want you like I do.
I remember getting closer, when all of a sudden, some cowboy in his drunken state stumbles into my path. I looked away for just a second, and when I did, I noticed another man walking your way. No! I remember thinking that he would beat me to you, that he would be the one to sweep you away from the table, that he would taste you first, spoiling you for myself for all of eternity. I would never be able to get the idea of his dirty, unappreciating lips touching you, out of my head, and our love would be lost. I could not let this happen. I began to move a little faster, focusing on you, my prey, my quarry, and vowing to myself that I would let no man touch you before I. I was still too late though, and I knew that was when it was time to get tough. I lunged the last few steps for you, but I was too late. He had his hands on you already, and was beginning to carry you away. I knew that deep down you didn't want to be with him, it was my lips you wanted on you. I politely tapped him on the shoulder, and said "Excuse me sir, but I believe she's with me".
"What are you on about? I left her here 5 minutes ago to go to the bathroom."
"I'm sorry sir, but she has not yet been tainted by you. Nothing of such beauty should be left alone in a place such as this. You don't deserve here."
"But I paid for her."
"I don't care. Sir, I will be taking that from you now." And with that, I gave him a mighty shove. Not my most gentlemanly of moments, I will admit but I did it for our love. I could not help myself. As he fell away, I took you out of his hands, and at last, you were in my grasp! He hit the floor with a thud. "THAT'S for disrespecting something so perfect as this. Don't let me see you do this again, or it will be much more than your pride that is hurt."
He struggled to his feet. "But that's my beer!"
It was too late. I had already drank you, felt your cool moistness on my tongue, tasted the frothy bitterness that makes you who you are.
Oh man, I love Heineken.
User Reviews
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2005-07-11 14:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caption Contest.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:36:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh heh heh, not bad.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-01 12:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think it tastes like skunky beer, but good work.
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-01 12:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
look what you've done.
on a side note, i'm a corona man, but a heiny always hits the spot.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69778
Submitted by youarewrong (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Heineken? FUCK THAT SHIT!!! Pabst Blue Ribbon!
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stole from the thief.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shitty beer, good post.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:30:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
I titally stole your shit.
Thanx.
-------------------
Hehe, yes you did. Happy Canada Day :-)
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I titally stole your shit.
Thanx.
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:24:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It amuses me that heineken is considered nice or cool or strong.
Over here it is the last resort beer.
But then we don't drink piss-lite or whatever it is.
When I was last in the US as usual I was astounded by how well you do a lot of things but how badly you guys do beer.
It's odd really considering the germanic influence in so many other areas of your 'culture'.
Toodle pip.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
saw it coming- still funny.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:15:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have picked Red Stripe...
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+Twokie Monster
Submitted by iqplusplus (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fell for it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-01 11:10:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is gay...but pretty good.