After The Pandemic - Smith: The End of the World (5) Now With 50% More Adult Content! (1453 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: After_the_Pandemic Smith
Rating: 1.69 on 52 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2005-07-01 16:11:12 EDT
Related Tales...
ATP - Intro http://www.ubersite.com/m/61238
ATP - Background
-Corrigan http://www.ubersite.com/m/61296
-Variant C http://www.ubersite.com/m/61350
ATP - Smith tales
-Archangels 1 http://www.ubersite.com/m/61513
-Archangels 2 http://www.ubersite.com/m/61755
-Archangels 3 http://www.ubersite.com/m/61985
-Archangels 4 http://www.ubersite.com/m/62289
-Archangels 5 http://www.ubersite.com/m/62570
-Smith in D.C. http://www.ubersite.com/m/64167
-Smith at Sea http://www.ubersite.com/m/64857
-Smith: The End of the World (1) http://www.ubersite.com/m/66658
-Smith: The End of the World (2) http://www.ubersite.com/m/68176
-Smith: The End of the World (3) http://www.ubersite.com/m/69626
-Smith: The End of the World (4) http://www.ubersite.com/m/69714
=(5)=
Smith was walking through a ruined building as a storm raged outside.
There had been a major earthquake in this city on the Atlantic. Buildings painted like jewelry had fallen flat. Walls had ruptured, upper floors collapsing, facades falling into the streets.
The building Smith was in was relatively intact. The floor was canted in places. Rodents and birds lived here now.
Faded signage inside made reference to ancient Rome and silver dollars. There were swords, shields and emblems strewn about. Temples, horses, noble men. All of them cheap gold paint and plaster, all of them weathered by the salty sea air blowing through countless shattered windows and a few collapsed walls.
Smith was making his way north along the east coast, looking for one of the hidden harbors that held ships bound for the Britains.
He passed through a room of heavy wooden tables surrounded by plush chairs which were rotted and moldy. On the tables were little plastic colored disks. He came into a vast hall full of machines that looked like toys. Without working electrics the faces of the machines were dark. He could see wheels behind glass, and some kind of metal arm that might be used to prime the machine, and— movement.
Smith stepped to one side and a large boot of peeling leather smashed through the front of the machine he had been studying.
A leech was cursing at him, its steel-toed boot stuck in the big toy machine.
Smith was carrying a shotgun. He swung it upright on its shoulder strap with one hand and fired.
The leech's upper thigh disintegrated and the leech fell back onto once plush carpet now stiff with dirt.
Smith reached out and yanked the twitching limb from the machine.
The leech screamed, "MY LEG!"
"Here you go," Smith said, letting the shotgun dangle by its strap and swinging the leg overhead and down like an axe.
The leech said, "You motherfu—" and then its head was caved in by the steel-toed work boot.
Footsteps. Fast. Behind and to the right.
Smith hit the ground and rolled as a leech raced by, a machete whistling through the air where Smith had been seconds before. He drew his pistols and fired two and two, the leech's head coming apart in great chunks.
The leech that had been approaching on Smith's right let out a war cry. The leech was a big and burly male, wearing a pink dress that sparkled in the low light. It was running at him bare-handed, enraged.
Smith slipped his guns into their sling holsters, then reached up and tore the priming arm off of the machine. He braced himself and let the leech's momentum be its undoing.
The leech impaled itself, Smith pushing it away as it began to twitch and bleed out.
A flash of silver to the left
The side of Smith's face flared painfully, and he tasted and smelled his own blood. He drew and fired, seeing only a pale shape darting between the rows of dead machines.
He could feel blood trickling down into his shirt. He had been sliced good. The cut began above his hairline and ended at the corner of his jaw.
There was a giggle. He saw a perfect face, heavy on the makeup, peering at him from behind a machine. A hand appeared, long silver nails glinting as the were cleaned of his blood by a dark tongue. Blond hair piled high. Blue eyes sparkling with humor. A white smile, perfect teeth.
The leech leaped from the cover of one machine to another, Smith firing too slow, hitting a machine with jangled and shat coins.
She was stunning. Long legs and high breasts were barely covered by a shimmering veil of a dress.
He'd seen leeches like this before. They would use men as fucktoys, draining them dry and draining them dry. Just like survivors, some leeches liked to fuck. And some wanted to do nothing but fuck.
Smith wiped blood out of his eyes— turn, TURN!
He spun around and a small foot in a silver shoe connected with his chin, knocking him back. Another high kick, a long heel nearly taking out one of his eyes.
A third kick. He grabbed her ankle at shoulder height, ramming the barrel of a pistol against her crotch. She knocked the gun aside and the bullet thudded into the floor.
She struck like a snake and Smith recoiled, her teeth grazing his cheek before snapping shut on nothing.
She pushed off and jumped with her free leg and Smith's grip slipped on her other ankle, her weight driving him backwards onto the floor as her dress flew up and her bald as an egg cooter slammed into his face, her hands clamping onto his wrists and pinning his arms above his head.
"I expected more fun than fight," the leech said, her cheeks and chest flushed with blood.
Smith looked up, seeing bright eyes and red lips and jutting nipples.
The wind had been knocked out of him when he hit the floor. Smith couldn't breathe, and he could feel the muscles tensing in her sleek thighs as she squeezed them together. She was going to snap his neck, or suffocate him.
Her head was bent low. She was watching him, giggling, licking her lips.
Smith opened his mouth and rammed his tongue up inside her, probing and thrusting and surrounding her with his lips, sucking and manipulating her.
The leech gasped and threw her head back.
Smith pushed with his arms, rocking the leech back, and brought his legs up, scissoring them together around her head.
She shrieked and chewed a furrow in one of his legs, gibbering and sucking as he flipped her onto her back, drew a knife from his boot, and drove it into her heart again and again, exhaling harshly with each thrust.
When he stood up, he was uncomfortably erect. He spit the taste of the leech out of his mouth, looked down at the perfect, bloodied form and his feet and—
Daylight.
"Mr. Smith?"
Smith sat up. He remembered coming back down the hill with Snatchbinder and sitting down, resting against a fallen tree.
Keef was concerned about the American's condition. "Are you awright?"
"Sure," Smith said. "I guess I just nodded off."
His skin was very pale, his shirt and bandages covering the angry red wounds on his shoulder and torso. He felt like the wounds were full of crawling things. He was sweating too much, and even though he was drinking willow bark tea for the natural salicylic acid, his muscles were sore and his headache was getting worse. Smith had been hurt before, hurt bad, and he usually overcame his injuries in a few days.
No one here knew he was the fruit of a poisoned tree, the child of a leech mother and a recently infected muncher, one of many children bred in a facility in the Northwestern United States. Smith had no idea who was behind the experiments, having run away from the facility when he was ten years old. He assumed those in charge were trying to breed Variant C's, daylight capable leech/muncher hybrids, and that made him believe that leeches had been running the place.
He remembered white walls and windows covered in steel mesh. In his mind he saw the faces of a boy and a girl who had escaped before him, and he wondered if they were still alive. Most of the children in the shared dormitory were eventually euthanized when it was realized they were not Variant C's, an act Smith had personally witnessed, a fate he had narrowly avoided.
Smith was not a Variant C. Stated simply, the bad in him had been cancelled out, and the good had been enhanced. He was a little faster, a little stronger, than the average man. He aged slower, although he would not live as long as a leech. And he was a double-immune, his immune system usually shaking off any infection and healing his injuries within days.
Maybe I've met my match, he thought getting to his feet.
"Walk five oors west along the woll," Snatchbinder said. "Ye'll come to a burn that comes oot a the woll itsell. That'll be the best bit to cross over, follow the water dooct, up an inside."
Smith nodded, and shouldered his pack. Snatchbinder turned and started back the way they had come.
Keef leaned close. "Mr. Smith, you've no got a great love for the leeches, and you plan to go to the castle as you said?"
"Yeah."
The small man seemed to be fretting about something. Finally he gave his head a shake and called Hungee to them.
"There is a good raison my son was once caught short on t'other side of the woll. We tried to cross at the woll's east end at the Tyne River. We were spotted and separated. Snatchbinder got me boy back, like."
Hungee took off a pack and began undoing the straps.
"The woll is smaller back east," Keef said, "But maire heavily guarded. We were seen quickly. It's greater here, but with fewer guards."
"Why were you trying to cross?" Smith asked. "You seem to have things pretty good here."
Hungee removed a burlap covered object from his pack. It was a foot long on four sides and about six inches thick. It snapped a thick twig in two when it was set on the ground.
Keef looked sheepish. "I am pairt of the Light Brigade," he said. "And I would like to ask a favor."
An hour later Keef, his son, and Hungee were on their way, and Smith set out on his own.
*
Now Smith was recovering from his westward walk, sitting in the shade of a tree by a stream, watching the wall. He shivered, and moved out into the sun, squatting beside a large warm rock, Pint following him with half a mouse in her mouth.
There were great arched walkways and high windows in the wall, and within the shadows Smith could see torches flickering. The little stream flowed from an opening in the base of the great wall.
Keef had given him a bomb.
The Light Brigade was a resistance group. One of their science teams had created a dozen small Lorna Dukes that would emit a tremendous burst of light, a great deal of heat, and very little harmful radiation.
Keef had estimated it would take two days to reach Edinburgh, and one day to gain access to the castle.
The bomb was a flat, thick and very heavy plate of polished metal. On one end was a counter, counting down in bright red numerals.
94:01:23
"I'll set this for one hundred oors," Keef had said. "Foore days. There are bombs all across Scotland and the borders set to go off at the same time and we were hoping to get one into the castle where Lord Daric is, when you happened along."
"Lucky me," Smith had said.
"Would you be willin' to take it fair us?"
"It'll wipe out leeches?"
"Like moths in a open flame, man."
"Okay," Smith had said, feeling like he was going to collapse.
"You shoor yoo're awright, friend? You look like a fairt could tip you right over."
"Don't worry about me," Smith had said. "Just take care of your boy."
They had said their goodbyes (Hungee giving him a nearly fatal hug and calling him a "breeve, breeve bastid,") and then had gone in Snatchbinder's wake, leaving Smith and Pint alone.
Smith scratched the tabby's fluffy ruff and watched the torches flickering in a shadowed window overhead.
"What the hell?"
Smith needed a clock. He found a straight twig and stuck it in the earth. He drew a circle and set some small stones at 3, 6, 9, and 12, making a makeshift sundial, not even thinking of using the counter on the bomb stowed in his pack as a timepiece. He drew a fine line in the dirt under the shadow of the stick.
He watched the torches flickering in the window.
Pint ate the rest of her mouse.
Smith's left arm twitched and he frowned.
He waited.
When he saw it again, he made a mark in the dirt under the stick's shadow.
Pint dozed in the sun.
It happened again. A pattern. Smith made a mark in the dirt.
Smith looked at the marks. They were roughly fifteen minutes apart.
He let fifteen minutes pass and then watched carefully.
The torches flickered again, in the exact same sequence as before.
Smith scratched his head. He'd never seen anything like this.
He picked up a stone and stood, tossing the stone overhead, right inside the distant window. There was no response. He tossed another stone, and another. Nothing.
When he tossed a fourth stone, his aim was a little off, and he watched in astonishment as the stone disappeared into the rock wall instead of clattering off of it.
Smith shouldered his pack, setting the sleepy cat between neck and duffle. He drew his pistols and started walking for the wall. The closer he got to the wall the more he realized there was something strange about it. H stopped a foot in front of the great structure. There was no reaction from within. He tried to piss on the wall, but his piss disappeared, yet he could hear it spattering on grass.
Taking a deep breath, Smith stepped into the wall.
Smith was standing in the same hilly region, near the same stream, and not far away was the real wall. It was a few feet high, crumbled and broken in places. The wall he had passed through was some kind of image, a projection meant to ward people off.
Smith walked to the real wall, stepped over it confidently, and caught his foot on a slender, nearly invisible tripwire.
"That was easy," Smith said to the cat.
A dozen leeches on horseback erupted from a copse a hundred feet away, drawing swords and pistols as they raced toward him.
=====
That's it. I'm brain dead from all this shit.
Have a good Fourth, everyone!
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-06-30 15:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Cooter" bothered me enough that I came back to tell you that it bothered me.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2008-06-29 16:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-10-06 16:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so the UK has been reduced to a feudal society but people are still producing advanced nuclear weapons?
what would issue from an immune/leech union? would Smith's own children (with a vanilla immune) have his attributes?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-25 09:35:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Benny, the fight scene was a dream and a flashback to Smith passing through Atlantic City, mentioned briefly in an earlier chapter.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here is another 2 to help combat cocksmokers.
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Working in the blue would have to mean porn. Since blue movies is a slang term for a porno
Submitted by Benny (user info) at 2005-07-24 23:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole fight scene was a dream anyway wasn't it? I just assumed it was part of the fever he is getting.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2005-07-22 16:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Supreme_Overlord (user info) at 2005-07-21 22:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shite
Submitted by notyou (user info) at 2005-07-13 19:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2005-07-13 15:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a great series I love smith.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-05 14:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-05 12:14:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-02 14:03:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny no one has mentioned that with the two of them in that position, Smith would damn near have to be one of them thar flexy Chinese circus acrobats to do what he did.
------------------------------------------------------------
Not at all, I myself have performed this maneuver many times I call it the Lotus Blossum Surprise Lick with optional neck breaking leg lock. Sur it is a little tricky to pull off the first couple of times but once you've got it down it's a relitivly simple thing. I'm sure Smith learnt it on his travels somewhere.
Nice installment by the way.
--
Ahhh... to be that young and that flexible again...
Submitted by mbstateside (user info) at 2005-07-05 12:14:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-02 14:03:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny no one has mentioned that with the two of them in that position, Smith would damn near have to be one of them thar flexy Chinese circus acrobats to do what he did.
------------------------------------------------------------
Not at all, I myself have performed this maneuver many times I call it the Lotus Blossum Surprise Lick with optional neck breaking leg lock. Sur it is a little tricky to pull off the first couple of times but once you've got it down it's a relitivly simple thing. I'm sure Smith learnt it on his travels somewhere.
Nice installment by the way.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2005-07-05 01:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
goodgoodgood
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-04 15:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-04 03:16:46 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-02 07:35:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Jack. I sort of agree with LadyPlural there. I didn't like the part of the story where he defeats her with his cunnilingusto. It just seemed silly, like a movie that uses gratuitous sex/nudity because it doesn't have anything else to offer...and if ANYTHING, he'd bite down, not lick.
But anyway, good segment.
----------------------------------
I don't agree with this I think that it was kind of cool, you have to be resourceful if you're going to escape alive. By tricking the vamp (double entendre?) into feeling pleasure first he was able to defeat her more easily...
--
If we were all discussing this story point in person they really would be oral arguments.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-04 03:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-04 03:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit, I meant 2
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2005-07-04 03:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-02 07:35:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Jack. I sort of agree with LadyPlural there. I didn't like the part of the story where he defeats her with his cunnilingusto. It just seemed silly, like a movie that uses gratuitous sex/nudity because it doesn't have anything else to offer...and if ANYTHING, he'd bite down, not lick.
But anyway, good segment.
----------------------------------
I don't agree with this I think that it was kind of cool, you have to be resourceful if you're going to escape alive. By tricking the vamp (double entendre?) into feeling pleasure first he was able to defeat her more easily...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-03 13:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-03 13:08:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Odd. Each +2 I give you brings your rating up by .01
--
Great. That means Trolls can shithammer ratings again.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-03 13:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-03 00:13:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Still. It isn't like it's been ages and ages- I'm more than sure that something as versatile as the word 'cunt' or some such thing would have survived.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, *this* is a cooter.
http://www.johnmoranphoto.com/fauna_019.html
--
HA! (Great photo, btw)
So it this... almost.
http://www.blues.co.nz/images/news/ry-cooder.jpg
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-03 13:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Odd. Each +2 I give you brings your rating up by .01
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-03 13:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-03 12:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's test this 'every rating counts' thing.
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-03 03:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stalin for awesome!
this post is bad
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-03 00:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Still. It isn't like it's been ages and ages- I'm more than sure that something as versatile as the word 'cunt' or some such thing would have survived.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, *this* is a cooter.
http://www.johnmoranphoto.com/fauna_019.html
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-02 19:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-02 17:28:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Thought crossed my mind but I was too preoccupied by the idea of him going down on her in the first place.
--
You have a dirty, filthy mind.
The flip flop on the "only the 1st rating counts" / "now all ratings count" is confusing.
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2005-07-02 18:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-02 17:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DOH!!
Sorry, should have been a +2. Stupid, stupid me.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-02 17:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thought crossed my mind but I was too preoccupied by the idea of him going down on her in the first place.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-02 14:03:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LadyPlural - I considered a lot of words... some were too clinical, some were to modern. I wanted something older and goofier, something that might still be around in Smith's time. I considered making up a new word, which I have done a lot of in the Smith tales, but I didn't want to deal with people going, "Huh?"
TheCaes - Every once in a while my stories go off of bizarre tangents. I usually edit them out (Smith has avoided death at my hands a few trimes already, the slippery bastard), but figured what the hell. And if he bit the leech, she might have just crushed his head. He needed her to open up a little, not clamp down. Then again, my sexual skills and knowledge would make less of a book and more of a... fine pamphlet. Or maybe a flyer, the kind that can be neatly tucked under a windshield wiper.
Funny no one has mentioned that with the two of them in that position, Smith would damn near have to be one of them thar flexy Chinese circus acrobats to do what he did.
Submitted by FuckTheArmy (user info) at 2005-07-02 12:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-07-02 07:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Jack. I sort of agree with LadyPlural there. I didn't like the part of the story where he defeats her with his cunnilingusto. It just seemed silly, like a movie that uses gratuitous sex/nudity because it doesn't have anything else to offer...and if ANYTHING, he'd bite down, not lick.
But anyway, good segment.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-02 03:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2005-07-02 03:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2005-07-02 01:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love this series, but you just *had* to say 'cooter', didn't you? It was really jarring, especially in context of the story- I mean, I expect an eleven year old boy talking to his friends about a Playboy magazine he found to say cooter. Not so much a grown, non-redneck man who's probably gotten laid more than a few times.
Sorry to get so hung up on the one word, but... You know what? I'm not going to qualify it. Good segment anyway. Just not as good as it could have been.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-02 01:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-02 00:06:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:55:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jack....Why you had to highlight this broke-dick fuck wad 4 times is beyond me
--
Yeah, I know. Just had a bad day, with a heaping plate of shitty weekend on the way.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2005-07-02 00:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:55:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jack....Why you had to highlight this broke-dick fuck wad 4 times is beyond me.
I made the mistake of going to that sad sad sad post and now I have to wash my hands.
You've been here much longer than I, and I would have thought you smart enough to
ignore this.....?.....I don't know what to call 'it'.
By the way, this series is OK.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2005-07-01 21:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
enjoyed it as always.
keep em coming
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about Stalin_For_Mayor
User id: 7601
Registered on or around: 2004-04-14 06:29:47
# Messages posted: 7
# Reviews written: 35
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 639
# Hits: 5026
Average rating of all messages: -0.34
--
You've been here almost a year and a half.
You've done 7 posts.
Four under Method's name.
Gutless.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:15:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
I contributed this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30274
it has more positive reviews than your mom's patented samurai twist handjob.
6 more.
--
So your big contribution to Ubersite was referencing ANOTHER site?
WELL DONE, sir.
Pathetic.
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I contributed this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30274
it has more positive reviews than your mom's patented samurai twist handjob.
6 more.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:05:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How the fuck is it I am able to pull these jealous loser fucks out of the woodwork like this? Jesus Christ.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-01 19:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:55:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
what's this? like a story in series form? go back to the 20s. go fuck a flapper. if a flapper would have you. she wouldn't. she'd tell you to go back to the aughts. and go fuck a boot black. if a boot black would have you. he wouldn't. he'd tell you to travel in time to the 60s. and go fuck a yippie. if jerry rubin would have you. he would. then he'd tell you to stay put and grab a handful of hoffman fuzz. hoffman would give you a -2 and tell you to shave your hole. twice.
--
Who the FUCK are you, cunt? Let's see your contributions to making this site entertaining, you walking cumwad. Fuck off!
Submitted by Stalin_For_Mayor (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what's this? like a story in series form? go back to the 20s. go fuck a flapper. if a flapper would have you. she wouldn't. she'd tell you to go back to the aughts. and go fuck a boot black. if a boot black would have you. he wouldn't. he'd tell you to travel in time to the 60s. and go fuck a yippie. if jerry rubin would have you. he would. then he'd tell you to stay put and grab a handful of hoffman fuzz. hoffman would give you a -2 and tell you to shave your hole. twice.
Submitted by yermom (user info) at 2005-07-01 18:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet
Submitted by Revolutionman (user info) at 2005-07-01 17:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reor?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thank you.
Submitted by wardy (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:36:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stay away from brussel sprouts. they fool you by looking like innocent cabbage, but really they are kniving bastards that will stab you in the back the second they get the chance.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:22:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know you worked blue, Jack..
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What does it mean, "Worked blue?"
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know you worked blue, Jack..
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2005-07-01 16:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"My tongue fu is strong."
-Smith