You want a sweet love letter? Fine, here, now shut up! (779 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.09 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (View user info) at 2005-07-05 10:24:11 EDT
You are always complaining that I don't write you love notes or tell you how I feel. Well, fine, here is your freaking love letter, even though I know what it is going to do to you. My normal dose of manliness and cockiness will "woo" you into complete and utter submission.
Based on the fact you cannot resist my charms, your legs quiver and your back tingles at the sound of my voice, please know that any attempt at resistance will be an exercise in futility. That being said, I would like to offer the following:
You want me, this is an undeniable fact. I can't say I blame you; I mean, after all, I'm me. It happens all the time. Like Walter Matthau said so perfectly in Grumpy Old Men, "Women fall too hard for me; it's like one of them fatal attraction things." I also understand how intimidating I must be to you, but you should not worry as I deal with this daily and know how to handle these types of situations. You think I am joking but I am not.
I will now elaborate on how resisting me or pretending to not be affected by me, will ultimately grow into a deep seeded hatred/love combination that no one else can satisfy and you will be forced to pursue me to the ends of the Earth, similar to what Michael Douglass faced in Fatal Attraction. You don't want that, do you?
This is a situation where "honesty is the best policy!" Trying to act as if you are not intimidated or your knees don't buckle when I speak is not the best way to handle it. The appropriate action for you would be to go ahead and let your body shiver, allow your eyes to close, let your hands begin to tremble and sweat every time I say "Hey Baby," go ahead and enjoy the rhythmic sensations that my voice sends up and down your spine; because denying yourself these mini-orgasmic vibrations can only be detrimental to the build up of animalistic passion that has you moaning during your sleep, that has you walking around thinking of me and what you want to do to me while moisture builds in your nether region. If you attempt to resist these natural reactions, they will soon begin to subside, the anticipation will cease to build, and soon you will become callous and completely unresponsive to any normal man.
This is where the problem begins to develop. If you do succeed in being able to control yourself in my presence, then you have forced yourself into a situation where I now only moderately affect you. I will have to come up with new and exciting things to initiate those reactions that were once set in motion with a simple "Hi Baby." Once this happens you will become completely unresponsive to the actions of other men; normal men, you will seek what you once had.
You will begin to miss the weak knees, eyes shuddering behind the covering of your eye lids, and the soft tingle resonating from the small of your back to the top of your spine. You will trek, search the face of the globe, hunting the man that is able to give this to you. All the while not realizing that by denying yourself these sensations when you were with him in order to keep from "swooning" you were, in fact, subconsciously building up immunity to his charms, but more importantly developing an all out resistance to the greatest and most heart-felt attempts of normal men.
You thought this was what you wanted; you didn't want to become the unconscious love slave of any man, not even a man who could bring orgasmic sensations that teased the very foundation of your soul with a single word. Ironically, the immunity that you built up to this man and his effect on you, is the very reason you have to chase him; hunt him across the face of the Earth. The fact that you don't want to be his love slave forces you to need him/me. You shouldn't fight it, just let it happen, baby.
User Reviews
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-07-05 19:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I get it. Then again, I think I get many things when in reality I don't.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-05 15:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reads like an editorial fron The Onion.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-05 13:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<pretending not to be affected>
yeah... what they said!
ahem... <shifty eyes>
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-07-05 11:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
har har peener
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-05 11:31:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:57:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
You either get it or you don't
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Clearly
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2005-07-05 11:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I found it mildly amusing. But then again, I'm a little tetched.
Submitted by Ananda (user info) at 2005-07-05 11:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by fudgepacker (user info) at 2005-07-05 11:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you tell her.
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-05 11:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:47:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
this is pure, revoltingly macho, crap
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Agreed.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You either get it or you don't
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:47:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this is pure, revoltingly macho, crap
Submitted by Fabit (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think this would be of particular interest to you.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/69950
El FaBit O
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2005-07-05 10:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment