I Brake For Goats (593 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.44 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kurbs <staggman.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2005-07-05 11:58:14 EDT
Some friends and I were driving down the road, looking for something to do last Thursday. We do this a lot, drive for miles before we decide we want to do something back home anyway. This time we headed out into the countryside of MA, so we could escape the suburbian hell that is Hudson.
So we're headed down the road, Ashley driving, my girlfriend in the front seat, and me in the back activating the "MBS." (Mexican Bass System—I hit on the read window-dash and make it sound like we have subs, we are going to enslave Mexicans to sit in the trunk and do it, at some point) So we're cruising, listening to some nice, mellow Stairway to Heaven, and all of a sudden we see rustling in the bushes ahead.
I stopped hitting on the window-dash and looked at what it was, and all of a sudden a fucking GOAT jumps out in front of us, followed by another. She slams on the brakes in her big ol' Buick, and we come within a foot of the goats. They stared at us. We stared at them. Goatse entered my mind for an instant, but I shook it out. All of a sudden that line is crossed, you know the one where nature goes from being cool and awesome to, "OK, get the fuck out of the way now!"
So she honks her horn, nothing. I told her to be cool, and put the car in neutral, hold the brake, and rev the engine. Apparently that was too complicated, so I got out and, in a n effort to look cool in front of the girls, went up to them and said "MOVE!" then he turned towards me, and I jumped like a little girl, and he had won that war. ("Hey man, if they're comin' at you...")
I got back in the car, and we started trying to take pictures of the goats with a crappy camera phone. That didn't work too well. At this point another car was behind us, and they got out to try to see what was wrong and why we were stopped. They offered to call the police, but we couldn't do that, as the girl driving only had her Junior Operating License. (No one under 18 in the car unless someone over 21 is in the front seat.)
Finally we got an idea, there was a corn field nearby, and with Ashley being an experienced "corner" (stealing corn at midnight...what fun right?) she snuck (sneaked, snacked?) into the field and grabbed an ear. We then husked it really fast, held it to one of their mouths, and threw it to the side of the road.
You'd think we had just thrown a powdered donut to a group of Ethiopians. I think one of them may have died in the battle. We never found out, we drove on down the road, never to see the goat again.
The following sign is now in her window.
User Reviews
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-05 16:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-05 13:05:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
corners, eh?
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-07-05 15:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LEIK OMG I AM FROM BROCKTON!!
GO RED SOX WOOOO
Submitted by NumLock (user info) at 2005-07-05 13:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hudson, eh?
I live about 6 exits south on 495.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-05 13:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it said "I Brake For Goatse".
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2005-07-05 13:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
corners, eh?
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2005-07-05 12:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it said I brake for goatse.
Then I thought, I wouldn't brake I'd run that sick fuck over.
Submitted by Snypavat (user info) at 2005-07-05 12:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-05 12:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I once stole a goat for kicks. Then she shat in the back of my truck. Fucking goats
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-05 12:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I lost a fight with a goat once. He head butted me so hard I fell over, and then he almost bit my thumb off. Seriously, I still have a scar. If I could find that goat now I would blow him up with dynamite Steve Zissou-style.