What the fuck? (1710 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: RandomThoughts
Rating: 1.66 on 45 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tom Sorrell - sorrelltr.at.hotmail.com (View user info) at 2005-07-06 11:20:34 EDT
It's not supposed to be this way. This was not supposed to happen. Not to me. Not now.
I am twenty-six years old, yet over the past few days, I have noticed several ... "Color Challenged" hairs on the top of my head. This situation has been met with it's fair share of melodrama and irrational behaviour. I can't be going gray! I'm twenty-six!
Don't get me wrong, I don't look like Johnny Carson ... yet, but the foundation is being laid. Each hair stands out like a sore thumb. Each one is a grain of rock salt in a sea full of gunpowder. Of course, I have handled this the way any sane, rational young male would do in my situation: I yank each one out with a pair of tweezers and scream at it like it's some sort of bizarre Prisoner of War. The other day, my wife walked into the bedroom just in time to see me pluck a hair out, hold it to the light, and demand to know where it came from. As of now, she's a bit like Audrey Raines after watching Jack Bauer electrocute her husband Paul to get vital information out of him. She'll never look at me the same way again. Luckily, I noticed her standing there, mouth agape, a look of fear splashed across her face, and didn't ask my follow-up questions: "Are there others?" and "How many of you are there?" Had she witnessed that, she surely would have left the apartment never to return. But to hell with cynics. I'm fighting a war here.
Today, just now in fact, I walked into the bathroom and noticed another gray hair ... IN MY NOSE. The gray is flanking my face! Operation Make Tom Look Old is in full effect.
That's it, really. I'm just freaking out about my hair. Just for Men is about to gain a customer.
One last thing before I go, since I'm bitching anyway.
ESPN's Trev Alberts is fucking retarded. Last night on Sportscenter he said that Penn State is one of his sleeper teams, then predicted that they'll win six games. SIX GAMGES? That's not a sleeper team! That's a passed-out-on-the-floor-from-too-much-MD 20/20 team. Seriously, six wins = sleeper? Maybe for Rutgers or Temple, but not Penn State. But wait! It gets worse. To showcase his infinite wisdom about all things college football, he actually said: "As bad as Penn State's offense was last year, their defense was even worse." Oh really, Trev? Is that so? Do you even do any research before you open the hole in your face that you call a mouth? Penn State had the 10th ranked defense in the country last year (291 yards per game) and gave up more than 20 points a total of THREE times all season (21, 21, and 20). They allowed only 15 points per game which was good enough for 5th best in the nation. That's hardly a bad defense. In fact, one could argue that they have an excellent defense. Why don't you know this? Argh! I know this and I'm not a Penn State fan, nor do I get paid for it. Moron! You should be fired!
Also, what is the deal with DirecTV? Every time I sit down on the couch to watch something, I get bombarded by approximately 3,762 commercials for DirecTV. Are they really this ignorant? I've already purchased their product. You'd think they would quit with the advertising.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2005-07-07 13:21:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Recognize, and I suspect that Trev Alberts including Penn State was just a thinly veiled excuse to bash the hell out of them.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2005-07-06 23:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:50:40 (#)
Ranking: 0
When I was flipping channels one night, I saw a 5 minute segment, I wanna say on "E" Televsion, about some Plastic Surgeon type chick who was bleaching a female porn stars' anus.
I shit you not
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Bwahahahahahah that's the funniest thing ole Shlongy's said in months.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2005-07-06 19:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got my first gray hair a year ago. It is quite traumatic. Just take a deep breathe. Better it turn gray than it fall out. Theres always Just for men hair dye.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-07-06 17:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
poor old sorrell
Submitted by SkinnyKenny (user info) at 2005-07-06 17:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Consider it a mark of distinction. At least it's not falling out.
Submitted by sean_myung (user info) at 2005-07-06 17:20:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
only one thing for it shave your head and get some nostril clippers. make all your grey areas completely bald. just for men is too expensive anyway.......
Submitted by Sassmasterr (user info) at 2005-07-06 16:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm 22. my hair is turning red (from blonde)
i'm retarded
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 16:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HA HA! SKATE IT OFF!
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-06 15:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Skate this shit off.
I got my first grey hair at 17.
Good thing I'm not losing any.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 15:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlongy, I have no idea what to do with that information.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-07-06 15:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't pluck them out. For each one you pluck, 5 more will come to replace it.
Submitted by NotSteve (user info) at 2005-07-06 15:04:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So that's how they look all sparkley and clean.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:50:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I was flipping channels one night, I saw a 5 minute segment, I wanna say on "E" Televsion, about some Plastic Surgeon type chick who was bleaching a female porn stars' anus.
I shit you not.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:27:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<sobs quietly in the corner>
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Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:29:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Age is nothing to be afraid of unless your single and alone.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hey, sean connery has grey hair.
last time i checked, that hasn't stopped him from fuckin chicks left and right.
Submitted by nicole420 (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:20:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You look so natural, no one can tell, Just For Men Gel!"
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How about you bleach my anus? Hell, I'll bleach yours too. It'll be fun. We could have an UberAnusBleaching down in South Cakalaki.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-07-06 14:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've been going grey since I was about 15. At first I tried to deny it, then as it became more unmistakable, I pulled the little bastards out.
When I realised that if I pulled every grey hair out, I'd have bald patches all over my head I gave up and dyed it a nice, becoming shade of "carrot" instead. I much prefer ginger to grey.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Bleach your anus.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bleached my hair once when I was in college. I have really dark brown hair, so the dye turned my hair a nice shade of carrot orange. I tried to dye it again and reduce some of the orangeness, but it turned it neon orange. I might as well have worn a sign on my shoulders that said "Look at the idiot."
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-06 13:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and Tom, if you dye your hair that is teh ghey!
I am 30 although I don't have much grey up top my goatee is completly grey on one side.
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does the carpet match the drapes......ok, that was just weird.
Trev Albert was a Cornhusker right? Enough said
Submitted by Foonbo (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd rather be gray than balding. And Trev Alberts is a dumbass.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, my hairline is winning the battle with my forehead ... for now.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Leave your wife, the grey is coming from her you know.
Submitted by Blitzen (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I feel for ya, buddy. I'm 21 and I'll most likely be fully grey by the time I'm 30
Submitted by dodahdave (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look at it this way: at least your hair isn't running away from your face.
Unless it is.
Is it?
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah, and BTW
FUCK TREV AND PENN STATE - GO PITT!!
Submitted by Vulva (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Back when a hoe was a hoe
Coke was a coke
and crack's just what you were doin
when you were crackin jokes
Back when a screw was a screw
the wind was all that blew
and when you said I'm down with that
It meant you had the flu
I miss back when...
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 15 and have a streak of grey. Man up.
Submitted by doctorj24 (user info) at 2005-07-06 12:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I say you reverse the entire process and bleach your hair, or at least highlight it. That'll show ol' gray hairs that you mean business.
Submitted by Mike00295 (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves a +928349047.937 but your only getting 2. All because TREV ALBERTS SUCKS MY ASSHOLE. I hate that fucker. Just because he went to Nebraska he thinks he is the greatest ANALyizer ever, He sucks. I did see his peice of shit segement on the sleepers last night. Penn State also blows sweaty sacks. Phew, glad I got that out of my system. Also, as a sidenote, I too have discovered a few grey hairs, and I'm 23. So I've got a little head start on you. I'm not too worried about it though. I pimp like Sam Malone...with grey hair.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm thirty years old and I'll be damned if my pubic hair isn't turning grey.
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.mulletwigs.com
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BIg Ten football sucks ass.
GO MOUNTAIN WEST! WWWWOOOOOO!!!!!
I'll, uh... I'll sit in my corner, now...
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's probably from dealing with all those trashy negros for years and years.
Submitted by pantsarestupid (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think grey hair is kinda hot...
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:30:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.justformen.com
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Damn it! That SOB Adam beat me to it!
It happens to us all. I am getting it just above where your sideburns start.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:37:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4) You forgot to mention that Penn State HATES Ohio State.
Submitted by BuckeyesTHEGAME (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:35:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've said all along that the PSU game is the one I'm most worried about. Not Texas. Not Iowa. Not even Michigan. Penn State. Why?
1. It's on the road at night.
- OSU has lost their last two night road games to Wisconsin and Northwestern, respectively.
2. PSU ALWAYS plays Ohio State tough.
3. PSU SHOULD be 5-0 coming into the game and the crowd at the Beaver will be electric.
Submitted by RaineLark (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hair dye is great! Try going red, unless you're a man...I think so, but you can never tell sometimes. Anyway, redheads are hot.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:30:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.justformen.com
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've got the Lions 4-1 going into the Ohio State game and 5-1 after it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:29:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Age is nothing to be afraid of unless your single and alone.
Unless you start thinking about what it's going to be like having sex with your partner in about 30 years time that is.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2005-07-06 11:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's why they're called Linebacker U, Oldy Oldstein.
The Buckeyes are going to cry in Happy Valley.